


Rebuilding my life

by Faith_the_Border_Collie



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:28:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 49,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26736634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faith_the_Border_Collie/pseuds/Faith_the_Border_Collie
Summary: When Bella goes cliff diving, she doesn't consider all of the possible outcomes. Learning to manage her new life and moving away to college, she bumps into some familiar faces. With Bella struggling, the Cullen's heartbroken and Edward missing, how will they all survive? Based on canon events, just told in a different way.
Comments: 20
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Twilight. Thanks to be beta Jenna.**

**Bella**

I knew I was being reckless. Stupid even. At that moment I didn’t care. Jacob had promised me. Just like E… he had. Promises. Simple words.

I smiled as I raised my arms straight out, lifting my face to the rain. The diving position ingrained from years of swimming in public pools felt so natural. Realising the freedom that would come soon, my confidence soared. If my hallucination was there, I never knew.

Leaning forwards and couching, I dove off the cliff.

I knew I was screaming - whether out of terror or exhilaration I would never know. I was falling, plummeting towards the earth. The unrelenting force of gravity dragging me faster.

My body sliced through the surface of the water, the icy chill instantly paralysing me. I hadn’t considered the cold when I had jumped. You would expect the shock to start, but it didn’t. My high continued. I felt free.

It wasn’t until the current caught me that I realised the danger.

Preoccupied by the sheer height of the cliff and the risks associated with the jump, I hadn’t considered the dark water waiting below. The current was merciless as it rolled over me, pulling me under.

Throwing my arms out I tried to work out which way I need to go to reach the surface. I had spent enough time at the beach to know how to avoid the rip tide; that knowledge did nothing to help me now.

The darkness surrounded me. I tried to fight my way out but its angry depths gave me no direction.

I continued to hold my breath. My lungs were screaming in protest at the lack of oxygen. I needed to find air. I needed help. I needed Edward.

The current won in that moment, flinging me like a rag doll through the water. My head collided abruptly with something hard. It slammed into me like an iron rod.

In shock, I sucked in air - only there was no air to take in. My lungs filled with water. I tried to scream. The pain in my head made me feel dizzy. Knowing that I was going to die in that moment, I whispered “Goodbye, I love you.”

* * *

**Jacob**

I was making my way back from Harry’s. The storm had closed in quickly and everyone had rushed home to safety. Storms could be dangerous in La Push due to the ocean and flooding risks.

It was only thanks to my werewolf genes that I saw it. Something tumbling from the cliff face. Through the storm, I wasn’t sure what it could be.

Remembering that I was due to go diving with Bella, I instantly thought the worst.

I leapt out of the rabbit, barely stopping to put it into park, and ran for the woods. Not stopping to strip, I phased and ran towards where I had seen her fall from.

My fears were confirmed when a short way up the track I saw her red truck. The rust bucket was parked patiently on the side of the road. Resisting the urge to smash it, I continued to the ledge.

Her scent was clear as day and the small pile of clothes gave no room for doubt.

Without hesitation, I also leapt off the cliff face. In wolf form the waves would be no challenge for me. Mentally counting how long it had been since I saw her jump, I hoped I wasn’t too late.

Breaking the surface of the water was easy. The current was strong and the water cold. I looked around for any clue as to her location. The water obscured her scent so finding her with scent wouldn’t be possible.

I dove down, swimming strongly. I could only hold my breath for a few minutes before I needed to come back up for air. Diving back down again I continued to search.

I had no idea how long I had been looking. _Bella jumped from the cliff; she is still in the water. Is anyone able to come help me?_ I begged into my head. I knew at least two other wolves were phased but I was too panicked to work out who.

 _We will be there in a moment, keep looking._ I heard Embry think back.

Reassured that my brothers would be able to help soon, I continued on. Breaking the surface to check on my location I heard a thump followed by a tiny voice. I didn’t know what it said, but I knew someone was there. 

Padding towards where I thought I heard the noise come from, I prayed that Bella was still alive.

Once again diving down, I saw a flash of blue. Taking the material gently between my teeth I pushed back to the surface.

Only when we had both broken through did I stop to look at what I had found. It was indeed Bella. Moving myself so I had a better hold while keeping her head above the water, I swiftly worked my way back to shore. _I found her; it doesn’t look good. Someone call an ambulance here now!_ I shouted knowing the pack would take care of it so I could focus.

Pulling her onto the stones, I phased. I had long since lost my care for nudity.

Rushing to her side I was incredibly thankful for the first aid courses that I had to take when my dad got sick.

I looked over, paying careful attention to her chest. I knew that humans breathed every few seconds so I needed to patiently wait a moment. Continuing to see no movement I took her wrist and I pressed two fingers onto her pulse spot. Nothing.

Placing my hands on her chest, I started to pump.

I had no idea how many times I repeated the cycle of pumping and then breathing. “Come on Bella!” I said to her “Bella, breathe. This is not how you go. Breathe!” I was practically shouting at her.

My brothers arrived and dragged me away from her. I saw someone else continue with the compressions. “An ambulance will be here soon. You need to calm down. If you don’t, you are a risk to Bella from phasing.” Sam spoke clearly at me.

It wasn’t until she suddenly started coughing that I was able to let out a shaky breath.

Seth rolled her onto her side and raised her chin to keep the airways clear. “She’s gonna be okay.” I spoke to no one in particular.

Time passed in a blur. The pack around me made sure she was safe and comfortable. They had stripped her, lay behind her and covered her in blanket trying to warm her through. I would be forever grateful to Seth and Sam for helping her. I knew I was starting to go into shock.

“Jacob, you need to snap out of it. You can’t go to the hospital.” Sam had come over to me. “What happened?” He used his Alpha voice, knowing it was the only thing that would work right now.

“I saw her jump. I just went after her.” I mumbled, trying to make sense of the situation. “We were going to go cliff diving but with Victoria and Harry I had to cancel. At least we killed that bitch. Why’d she jump, Sam? She must have seen the storm.” I could feel my body coming back to myself. Anger was surpassed with despair. “We nearly lost her Sam. We could still lose her.”

“We need to wait for her to wake up before we can know the answers to those questions,” he replied, a grave look on his face. We all loved Bella. Her easy acceptance of us helped us to feel normal. “Are you with it enough to stay for the ambulance to arrive or do you need to leave?”

I took a catalogue of my body. “I’m good. I need clothes though.” I shook my head to remove the excess of water.

He pointed to the truck. “There are spares in the trunk. You might find some shoes too. I hear a vehicle coming so I am going to wait by the main road. You good Seth?” He asked. Seth simply nodded and continued to hold Bella close. His warmth was vital.

We walked up the beach. I stopped at the truck while he continued on. There was a pair of cut of jean shorts, shirt and sandals. Nothing fashionable, but the typical werewolf spare clothes.

I had barely pulled on the clothes when the flashing van pulled up, waved down by Sam.

The paramedics hurried to the blob that was Bella and Seth. They set to work checking her vitals, strapping her into a brace and moving her onto a stretcher. Carrying her back to the ambulance they loaded her inside. “Is anyone coming with her?”

I looked between my pack members and nodded. “I’ll go. I can call Charlie when I get there and meet him.” I explained, climbing inside.

Luckily Sam was aware and realised that if I hadn’t lost my cell, the water would have killed it. “Take mine, keep us updated,” he said, passing his cell phone over.

The paramedics slammed the doors closed and we were soon off.

By the time we had reached the hospital, Bella had a drip in her hand, an oxygen mask on her face and a thermal blanket.

“You need to go to reception and fill in some paperwork for us. It’s just down there. We will get her settled in and a nurse will be out to speak with you soon,” the paramedic told me, pointing towards a desk.

I slowly made my way over to the desk. Sat behind the desk was a lady with dark hair and a friendly face. You could tell by her expression that she was the maternal type. “I’m Jacob Black, I came in with my best friend Bella.” I wasn’t sure what to say. “You need me to fill in some paperwork?” I asked, prompting her to help me.

The lady, Sally I saw on the name badge, smiled up at me. “Of course, is that the young lady just brought in?”

“Yes,” I replied, “Bella Swan. Isabella Swan. Chief Swan’s daughter.”

Recognition dawned on her face. “Oh dear, here are the forms for you to fill in. I will call the Chief and ask him to come here as soon as he can. Drop them back here when you are done.”

I reached over to take the clipboard and took it to one of the many chairs in the waiting area. Looking over the form, I took a pen and started to answer.

Full name: Isabella Marie Swan

Date of Birth: September 13, 1987

Address…

It carried on with simple questions. Most I was able to answer, but I knew that Charlie would need to look over them. They asked about Bella’s general details, medical history, next of kin and details of the emergency. As I reached the questions regarding insurance, I prayed silently that she was covered. I left the consent questions blank. I would love to be able to answer those one day, but right now that wouldn’t be possible.

Walking back to the desk, I handed Sally the clipboard back. “Thank you dear, I have spoken to Chief Swan and he will be here soon. You are welcome to wait here or make your way down to the family room.” She pointed to a corridor before moving through the door behind her to hand the form to someone. “A nurse should be out soon to speak to you.”

I could only nod in response. Opting to wait in the reception area so that Charlie could find me easier I pulled out Sam’s phone.

_At hos with B, no news yet. Charlie on his way. J_

I sent the message to Emily, knowing she would be able to get him the message.

 _Why would she jump? I know the leech left her. I know she was struggling. I thought she was doing better now though._ Sorrow overtook me as I realised how much I had missed. _Were all of her smiles fake? Was she ever happy?_ More questions rolling through my head that I was unable to answer.

It wasn’t long before Charlie rushed through the door, followed closely behind by Billy. Seeing me he ran over. “What happened? They wouldn’t tell me anything on the phone. Where is she?” He spluttered, clearly incredibly stressed. “Will someone tell me what is going on!”

“We are waiting on the nurse, Charlie.” I looked at his face and was immediately concerned at how pale he was. “Please sit down,” I said, guiding him into my now vacant chair. “I saw her jump from the ledge at the beach. We got her out of the water and the ambulance brought her here. We don’t know anything else yet.”

I looked at Billy’s face. He smiled reassuringly at me and then looked to his friend. “I told you this already Charlie. You need to calm down to help Bella.” I knew Charlie saw me as a kid and would struggle to listen to what I said. His voice held a hint of his Elder authority. “Jacob, I assume you did as much of the paperwork as you could, but can you ask for a copy so we can finish it off now that Charlie is here?”

Nodding, I stood and made my way back to Sally. She had heard Billy talking so had already started putting together another form. “The nurse said she would be out in about 10 minutes.” She told me, passing me another clipboard.

Taking it along with a pen, I made my way over to Charlie.

Charlie was shaking too much to be able to hold the pen, so we completed it based on what he said. Finally, he signed the bottom and I returned the form to Sally with a smile.

It felt like an eternity before the nurse walked out. Standing up to greet her she said, “Hello, my name is Anne. I am a nurse here and have been looking after Isabella.”

“She prefers Bella” I answered immediately without thinking. “Sorry, please carry on.”

“Thank you, I will make sure to update her chart.” She smiled at us and gestured for us all to sit down. “Bella is stable. She has a very nasty bump to the back of her head and some damage to her left side. The doctor has scheduled her in for a CT scan and that will help us determine the extent of the damage. Although she is now stable, she is by no means out of the woods. I need you to understand that.”

We were all shocked. _How had I not noticed her being injured at the beach? Maybe I did something wrong._ Questions continued to boil around in my head.

I was broken out of my head by Charlie speaking. “Can we see her? I am her father.”

“Not right now, she is going to have a scan first. When she is settled someone will be in to get you to visit.” She paused and looked up at him. “We understand that she jumped from a cliff?”

“Yes, in La Push. I saw her. We were meant to be going cliff diving earlier but I had to cancel. She must have gone without me.” I saw the look of worry on her face. “Recreational diving. Bella hasn’t been before so didn’t know about the current or where was safe to jump from.”

Even as I spoke, I knew that the chances of her dive having been recreational were slim, but I needed to give her the benefit of the doubt. Surely Bella wouldn’t do something that stupid. She would have asked for help.

Anne looked to Charlie and asked, “Have there been any concerns regarding her mental stability? Any depression, anxiety, eating problems for example?”

“Her boyfriend left her in September. I spoke to our local doctor at the time because I was concerned. She wasn’t eating or doing anything. She was like a robot. The nightmares were nightly and very intense.” Charlie explained, “She settled though and got better. She has been okay for a month or two now. She sees her friends again; the nightmares have mostly stopped.”

Taking a deep breath, Anne posed the dreaded question. “Do you think she had intent to take her own life?”

Charlie paled. After a few seconds of silence, Billy said, “I think it is a concern, but no one except Bella knows the reason for jumping.” I looked at him gratefully.

“Thank you, I am going to go and update the team. Someone will be back with you soon.” Anne managed a tight smile. Apparently, suicide attempts weren’t a common occurrence in this area. “Please make sure to get some fresh air and something to drink.”

With that she walked away.

Billy put his hand on Charlie’s shoulder in support. I stood and walked to the window.

The storm was getting worse; we were lucky that we made it here given how bad it was. She was alive. I needed to stay focused on that. Everything else we could handle together.

**Please comment.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own Twilight**

**Charlie**

My head was spinning. So many unanswered questions. The more I tried to find answers, the more questions that were added to the pot.

_Why did she jump?_

That was the big one. The one that would help answer all the others. I was frustrated, angry, confused. My life was mostly predictable before Bella moved back. Work, sleep, eat, fishing, repeat. Living in a small town made routine changes rare.

Her moving back was the best thing that happened to me in a long time, I wouldn't change it for anything. Life was so much easier before though. Teenage girls. A phenomenon which I would never understand.

I knew that her relationship with Edward had been serious. I knew she was madly in love with him and I had thought that he felt the same way. His actions when she was in the hospital showed he cared deeply for her. How could he have left with no forward contact. Alright, it wasn't his fault his family had to move away, but to give her no forwarding address, no phone number, no nothing, that was a low blow.

My hatred for Edward only grew. Placing the blame on him was easier. It would get me though the next few hours.

"We all blame ourselves Charlie. None of us knew this would happen." Jacobs voice broke through my brooding.

"Maybe, but I am her Father, I should have seen something."

Jacob opened his mouth to speak but after a small head shake from Billy he backed off.

It felt like I had been waiting here forever. Eternity was dragging. Were the staff enjoying my torment? Were they keeping something important from me? Why wouldn't they let me see her. It wasn't until Billy spoke that I realised I had asked these questions aloud.

"We can see her soon Charlie. You really need to calm down. They won't let you in to see her when you are this angry." I understood what he was saying but also knew that I would be unable to calm until I saw her safe and well. "I won't bother asking you to leave for a while, I know you won't, but you need to stop beating yourself up over this. We don't know enough answers yet. Don't try to figure this out without all the facts."

Again, I understood the logic, but my brain wouldn't cooperate. "I need to see her. I need to know she is okay." My words trailed off as I put my head in my hands.

I had been so close to loosing her. Her unrelenting attraction to danger had nearly taken her away from me yet again.

Maybe I should track him down. Tell him what his actions had caused. Make him feel the pain she had felt for the last few months. If it turned out to be a big misunderstanding, he wouldn't need to know that.

As soon as the thought went through my head, I knew I wouldn't be able to do it. He was just a kid. A kid who had moved on and left my daughter behind. I still hated him, but I couldn't hold him responsible for her actions.

My thoughts were broken when a doctor I recognised stepped in front of me. "Chief Swan?"

"Please, just Charlie. I'm not on duty." I explained.

"Charlie. Bella is back from her scan and you can see her in just a moment." He took a deep breath. "She has some serious damage to her left Femur and Pelvis. They have been stabilised, but she will need surgery today to plate them. There is extensive bruising and lacerations that will resolve themselves shortly. We are most concerned about her head at the moment. She seems to have hit the rocks fairly hard. Her CT scan showed some minor swelling which we hope will resolve itself in the next 2 hours. If not, we will need to prioritise that surgery."

His world was collapsing. His baby girl was more hurt than he had thought. He had worked as a cop for long enough to recognise the implications of those injuries, and he wished he could save her from that pain. "Can I see her, please?"

He nodded, "Of course, follow me. Only two allowed though and only very briefly. I will warn you; she looks fairly rough. You need to prepare yourself for that."

Charlie nodded towards Jacob and the two started following the doctor. They walked down many twists and turns not paying attention to how to get back. Although he knew the seriousness of the injuries, he was still shocked when they turned into the ICU wing.

"Just through there, she has a nurse with her who can help explain anything you need." He said opening a door slightly.

I took a very deep breath and let it out with a shudder. I felt Jacob place his hand on my back as I pushed the door open.

Taking a step inside, I saw my baby girl.

She was laying there deathly pale, wires and tubes all over.

"You can come over and say hi. She has been given some very strong drugs to keep her asleep, but she might be able to hear you." The nurse said walking over. She moved two chairs over next to the bed and gestured to sit down. "You have two very good-looking young men here to see you dear."

"Too right Bells." Jacob said lacking his usual humour but obviously trying to lighten the mood. "I've got Charlie with me. You keep on fighting, you hear me. No giving up, else we'll be having words."

Jacob elbowed me in the ribs. "H.. Hey Bella." I stammered uselessly.

"He's just dazzled by my beauty, isn't that right Charlie?" I appreciated his attempt and tried to work with him.

"Umm, ye I suppose." I took another deep breath. "We love you Bella. You need to come home to me." I said.

The nurse had handed me a tissue box. When had I started crying? "Thank you." I muttered.

"Your boys are okay dear, it's just a bit of a shock for them." She explained. "You can take her hand if you like, you won't hurt her. I am sure she would recognise your touch."

I blanked. I wanted to take her hand but also knew it would be unlikely that she recognised it. We were always close but I wasn't good at expressing my affection through touch or words.

Shaking, I gently placed my hand around hers. She was warm. Or was I cold?

The tears continued to fall.

"I love you Bella, more than you can ever know."

I don't know how long we had stayed there before the nurse said it was time to leave. I didn't want to leave my baby. I wanted to make sure she was safe. I needed her to know I was there and that I loved her.

We reluctantly left. We hadn't even made it down the hallway before I broke down. Jacob supporting me to the family room then leaving to fetch Billy.

* * *

It had been a week since that fateful day, and I was sitting in the Doctors office waiting for an update.

First the swelling hadn't gone down, and a bleed was found. They were fixed in surgery that day and we hoped that there had been no permanent damage. The day after they fixed her bones.

I was never more pleased that she was living with me as when the finance department got involved. She would be covered under the police force insurance as she was registered under my care. They would handle all the fees needed. My shifts at work had also been covered.

Each day was the same. Get up early. Rush to the hospital. Spend the day with Bella while the nurses tried to drag me away. Go for food while Jacob visited. Come back to sit by her bed. Leave for the night after reminding her how much I love her. Go home, sign off on a stack of paperwork for the station. Crawl into bed and pretend to sleep until morning.

It was on the fourth day that she had started fitting. It felt like forever but was actually less than a minute. Once she was stable, I called Jacob, knowing he would want to know. I was unsurprised when he turned up less than an hour later.

The seizures had continued, and I was concerned about what the doctor would be telling me. When he had called me asking me to come to his office before seeing Bella I didn't know if I should be thankful or cry.

So here I was. Waiting.

Not long later the door opened. "Thank you for coming." He shook my hand and made his way behind the desk to sit down. "I have mixed news for you."

I looked at him, urging him to go on.

"She started breathing for herself in the night so we were able to take her off the ventilator. We hope to bring her round slowly over the next 24 hours."

My relief was over whelming. My little girl was going to be okay. She was breathing. I didn't even care that I was crying yet again. "Thank you, Doctor. Thank you for saving her."

He smiled at me. I didn't like that smile. "We have some of her test results back. We think there has been some permanent damage to the brain. Until she is awake, we can't determine the extent. It also seems unlikely that the seizures will stop."

The world crashed again. "But she is going to be okay right."

"We are doing our best. Once she is alert, we can assess the damage and talk again." His reassurance didn't rebuild the relief I had previously felt. "We are going to start reducing the sedation in around an hour. You are welcome to go and see her now and stay for the rest of the day. I am sure she will want a friendly face. Maybe call that young lad in too."

I nodded and stood to leave. Her room wasn't far away but I headed outside to make a call first.

"Hey, Billy."

_"Hi Charlie. Is everything okay?"_

"We don't know yet. She is breathing on her own and they are lifting the sedation today but there might have been some.. some.." I trailed off unable to say it.

 _"We will be there soon Charlie. Meet you up there. We'll bring some food."_ He said hanging up the phone.

I looked at the screen as the dial tone rang. Taking a deep breath I walked back into the building.

"Hey Bella, how you doing?" I asked as I walked in. "I hear you're breathing on your own. I'm so proud of you." I sat down and started to ramble about nothing in particular.

Jacob walked in a while later and joined my ramblings. He kept her up to date about the reservation gossip. While I wasn't very interested, I was glad that he was able to fill the silence.

"Leah is still giving Emily and Sam the cold shoulder. I understand the history and how difficult her situation is, but its hard to watch. We need you to come make them all smile again." Jacob was saying as the Doctor walked in. "Hey Doc. Bells, the doc just came in."

"I am just going to give her the once over before we start lifting the sedation."

It didn't take long. The nurses had been doing the observations religiously, so it was easy to check the charts to find out all the information he needed.

"All is good here. She should start to wake in an hour or two. The nurses will be around if you need anything." He said signing some paperwork and then leaving the room.

We kept out of the way while the nurse bustled around.

"Will she be in any pain?" I asked. I was worried that when she woke up the pain might hit her causing her to give up.

"No, she is still on strong pain killers. She won't feel anything. Might make her a bit loopy though." She smiled over at me before returning to the tubes. "We just need to wait and see what happens with her. We are hopeful that everything will go smoothly. Now Jacob, what were you telling us about this young lady? What happened?"

I was thankful that she was restarting the conversation with Jacob. I didn't feel able to interact right now. Worry was overwhelming me.

Time passed slowly. I was unable to focus on what anyone was saying. Although I didn't believe in a God, I sat praying. When I felt her hand shift slightly in mine, I exclaimed, "Do that again Bella." I looked to the nurse. "She moved her hand, I felt it. That's a good sign? She is going to be okay."

"Keep talking to her, she will come round soon. I'll page her doctor to come check on her." She said returning to the paperwork.

"Bella, its me. It's Charlie. I'm here waiting for you. Jacob is here too. We love you sweetheart." Her fingers curled around my hand and her eyelids started to lift. "That's it Bella. Take your time. We are right here. Everything is going to be okay."

She finally blinked her eyes open, unsure and clearly scared.

I couldn't hold back the tears. She was awake. She was going to be okay.

"Hey Bella, its Jake. I've got your oaf of a Father here. You're in the hospital, but don't worry about that right now." I heard him explain to her before the nurse cut in.

"Bella, I am one of the nurses who has been looking after you. You have two fantastic guys in your life. I need you to rest for me. Try not to think too much, focus on breathing. The doctor will be with you shortly." She patted Charlie on the back. "Talk to her, hearing a familiar voice will help. Try whatever you did when she was younger and unable to sleep."

"I think that would put even the machines to sleep. I'd sit and tell her the different types of fish you can catch, where you catch them, how to recognise each one. That sort of thing."

Jacob was laughing at me. "You are so much like my dad. He did exactly the same thing."

* * *

The following days were tough. We found that the seizures didn't stop. She had lost some sight in one eye. Her cognition was slower than before, and her speech often slurred.

All in all, we were very thankful.

Her leg hadn't healed enough to determine how much of that damage would be permanent, but we were hopeful. The rest of her body appeared to be responding correctly.

She was currently with a psychiatrist, the doctors finally deeming her well enough to ask about the cause of the incident. I was in the café getting some more coffee. The nurses were concerned about my caffeine intake, but also knew from experience that nothing would drag me away from my daughter.

I was desperate for her to say it had all been a misunderstanding. She had enough suffering without those struggles too.

Finishing my coffee, I made my way back to her room. I knocked and waited to be invited in. Bella had clearly been crying, but that wasn't uncommon. She was frustrated that she wasn't able to think and talk like she did before. It often came out as anger before breaking down in tears.

I turned to the psychiatrist, "Is everything okay?"

She smiled at me, "Yes, we have discussed a few things and I now understand what happened. Would you like me to discuss this with your father here or back at my office?" She asked Bella.

"Heere," She slurred looking up at me briefly before returning her eyes to the piece of thread she was playing with.

"Alright. I have been reassured that Bella was recreationally cliff diving. She explained that her friend had agreed to go with her but cancelled. Bella decided to continue on her own without considering the risks involved. I have been told that she was not aiming to take her own life but didn't care enough about the outcome to think it through."

I collapsed into the chair. Utter relief. This was all some big misunderstanding. "Thank you so much." I exclaimed.

"I would like her to continue to talk to someone about some issues she has had over the last few months, but I am confident that will be enough." She stood and grabbed her bag. "Thank you for your time Bella, Charlie. I will be on my way now. Here is my card if you have any questions." She handed me a white business card.

After she left, I turned back to Bella. "I love you. You need to understand how much I love you." I said reaching over to hug her. "We will be having serious words about this when everything has settled. For now just focus on getting better."

Bella was in hospital for another 2 months before she was deemed well enough to leave. In that time, she had extensive therapy to help her mind, speech and body return to normal. My home had been adapted so that she would be able so access it without a problem, I had been taught how to handle her seizures and I was excited to get her home.


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own Twilight**

**Bella**

I was so fed up. The mental and physical effort involved in recovery was slowly killing me. It's strange how the things intended to make you better end up making you worse. Can't fault them for trying though.

Here I was, back at the hospital. Every weekday Jake would drive me back here for a session with the physiotherapist. Sometimes I would have another session following it, but those were starting to taper off now. Jake had been amazing. He came joined me in the hospital every evening after school to keep me company while my dad rested.

It was only part way into the first physio session when I had begged them to stop. The pain of moving limbs which had been secured for so long was excruciating. No matter how much I screamed, begged, tensed, they never relented. The physio said I could have someone come in with me for moral support and knew I needed to ask Jake.

He had jumped at the chance to help. So, our evening gossip sessions turned into a quick dinner, an hour of torture and then time to rest together. We had spoken about our friendship, I explained that I couldn't handle a relationship at the moment, and I wasn't sure I would ever like him like that. Thankfully he had backed off and I started to feel more comfortable cuddling with him as I cried from the pain.

The physio wasn't the only torturous part. I had to suffer through many hours of counselling where I tried to explain myself and the situation with E… Him, whilst maintaining the secrets. The last thing I had needed was to be locked up in loony town because they thought I was seeing things.

I frequently cried and shouted at Jacob after these sessions. He was one of the few that I could be open with about their true nature and the effect it had on me.

The councillor knew I was lying and holding something back. I could see it in her face. She wanted to get it out of me, asked difficult questions which were hard to come up with realistic lies to. In the end I had resorted to just saying "I don't want to talk about this." Whenever it got too close to the forbidden topics.

What more could I do? I just needed to get well enough to get home. Jacob had spoken to Sam and he knew someone on the reservation trained in counselling who knew enough for me to be able to talk openly. I had nearly kissed Sam when he came to tell me the news. "Thank you so much Sam, you have no idea the difference that will make." He had hugged me and left saying he was due on patrol soon.

Jake had been given reduced patrol time. Only twice a week now for a few hours, and someone always came to take his place. Seth was the most frequent.

Three weeks before I was due to leave, my leg casts were removed. The physio took a different turn then. We started focusing on getting me mobile again. It was more agony and torture.

I screamed at Jake for being horrible. I shouted at the physio to back off. I cried for hours.

They never backed down, knowing it was what was needed. Jake took everything I threw at him and returned it with love.

Charlie had also been amazing. He brought me my schoolwork so I could keep up and he kept me sane. I knew he wished he could help like Jake did, but I also knew he wouldn't be able to see me in pain. Instead he handled the admin.

Insurance had covered all of my hospital bills but wouldn't cover all of the home adaptions needed. Two weeks before my discharge, the occupational therapist made an assessment of both my ability and his home.

He made many suggestions to help me access everything and to ensure my safety. There were simple thing like ramps, walking sticks and moving furniture, but also more complicated technology which would help. My seizures had lessened but hadn't stopped. They were mostly absence seizures now, but I still got the odd Tonic-clonic seizure. The doctors have said that I am lucky, before every big fit I have felt the aura so have been able to get myself safe.

We were trying various medications to help control the seizures, but so far, the most effective method was to avoid stress. Something which was difficult while recovering. Charlie, Jake and Sue – who had been spending more time with Charlie since the accident and losing her husband – had all been given specialist training. I had attended with them but hadn't paid enough attention to remember what they said.

My memory was another struggle. The lasting damage to my brain had been mild but I still felt slow. I didn't remember things like I used to, but quick whited responses that I had developed with Jake over the last few months were a thing of the past. Following a train of thought from start to finish was nearly impossible. Not to mention my brains inability to give my mouth the right words.

Frustrated. The only work I could used to describe how I felt about my life. The doctors were optimistic that my life would continue to improve, but I was unsure.

So, fight on I did.

It had been a long unrelenting hour. We were working on steps. Jake one side and Beckie the other. Beckie was my physiotherapist. "Come on, just one more step and we can sit down for a break." This may have seemed like a simple request, but it was far from. If I lift my right leg, my left will collapse underneath me, and I lifting my left leg was an incredible challenge. I had mastered the shuffle enough to walk around with the help of my frame or stick, but this was different.

"I can't do this," I said trying to pull myself out of their grasps.

"Good luck getting away from us." Jake said clearly amused. He was great. He always knew if I when I needed to be pushed and when to back off. "We've got your weight, so you won't fall, just try."

I didn't want to try. I didn't want to fail yet again. "Nooooo, just let me go." Of course, he didn't. I leant over to rest my head on his shoulder as I started to cry.

Little by little I started to lift my right leg. They were indeed taking my weight for me and I felt safe. Jacob resembled a body builder. The wolf gene was to thank for that.

"That's it, just a little higher." Beckie pressed. When my foot was on the surface, she continued. "Now push down on that one and lift the other."

"Why don't you do it." I snapped at her.

Realising what I had said with my sharp tongue I turned to apologise. "Sorry, I didn't mean that." I said.

"I understand, keep going for me." She smiled. "That's it, take it low then this young man can take you home."

Home. That sounded good.

I pushed my weight forward and started to straighten my leg, pulling the other up in the process. They still held my weight, but I was achieving the movement.

"Great job Bells!" Jake said when I was stable. "Ready to go now?" He asked. I only had the energy to not. Scooping me up in his arms, he carried me over to the wheelchair I was using for longer distanced and breathed a sigh of relief.

"See you on Monday Beckie. I'll try to bring this one in a better mood." He laughed pointing down at me.

"Thanks." I murmured as he pushed me out of the hospital.

"We have a whole weekend now to relax." Jacob said as we were getting into the car. I was unable to drive anymore and with Dad at work catching up this was the only way I was able to get between my appointments. "What do you fancy doing?"

"I need to catch up on schoolwork, and I bet you do too." I had sunk into the seats, relaxing my body. "You can come hit the books with me."

His face was a look of horror. Homework was obviously not what he had in mind. "Why don't we do something fun." He whined.

"Homework, if we get it done quickly, we can do something fun after. Is there a bonfire this weekend?" I asked. I was enjoying spending more time with the pack around the bonfire.

"Of course, first thing Sunday morning, you up for it." He smiled, preferring this plan. I nodded and looked out the front window, watching the trees go past.

"Bells." I blinked looking at him. He had pulled over and was looking at me.

"Sorry." I said looking down in embarrassment. "What did you say?" I asked.

"I wondered what you wanted to do for dinner. Charlie is working late so we need to sort ourselves out. Did you want to eat out, order in or cook?" He asked starting the engine up again. "And don't apologise, not your fault."

This was true, I had no control over these events, but I still felt guilty. I am told that with time the guilt disappears, but I am not so sure. "Let's just order in pizza. I'm not really hungry anyway."

I saw his worried look. I chose to ignore it.

We drove back and he helped me into the house, settling me on the sofa before moving to the phone. "What you fancy?" He asked.

I simply shrugged and pulled a blanket around me sinking deeper into the sofa.

He must have ordered, but I didn't know what. My mind was elsewhere.

_I can't carry on like this. Life if just too hard. I know its all my fault. Please, come back and save me. I need your arms around me to protect me from the world. I beg of you. Anyone, someone come back._

As usual, my thoughts were unanswered. He would never be coming back. He had been very clear in the fact that I would never see any of them again. Part of me whished that he had been lying. I knew he wouldn't.

Tears were rolling down my face when Jacob returned.

"Come here." He said pulling me into his arms. I continued to sob. Grieving for my life, my loss, everything that had been ripped form me. "We'll get you through this. Just trust us and we will get you there. I can't promise that it will be easy, but I can promise you won't do it alone." He whispered.

The soothing nonsense continued until the doorbell rang. "I am going to get the pizza, be back in a moment." He said standing up and making his way to the door.

I felt like a failure. A burden. Why didn't I just die in that fall. It would have made it much easier.

"I can see what you're thinking and you're wrong. It's a challenge now but it will improve." Jacob said looking in my face. "I will always love you, even if its only as a brother. You know Seth feels the same way too. We al love you, you're part of the pack now." He was trying to reassure me. "Enough with the heavy, grab a slice."

I didn't want to eat. Forcing down a mouthful I put it back on the tray ad curled up.

"Thank you for being here Jake." I said.

He simply smiled and nodded.

* * *

Life continued like this for some time. I was becoming more independent and was functioning better. I still couldn't be alone, but I found ways to ensure some privacy.

"How do you feel about going back to school kid?" Charlie had asked me out of the blue one day. "Your doctor thinks you are ready for half days if you're interested."

I was shocked. School was something I had been dreaming about for ages. The freedom to move around and do what I wanted without people hovering would be bliss.

"Yes, I am desperate to get back. When do I start? I know there are only a few weeks left of term, but I am mostly caught up now." I sucked int a big gulp of air as Charlie laughed at me.

"Don't forget to breath. We want you to rest for the rest of the week, but you can go back on Monday. I'll drop you off in the morning and Sue will pick you up just before lunch." He said as he moved to pick up his paper. "If you need anything from the store before starting let me know and I can pick it up. Or you can go with Jake."

Charlie had been incredibly pleased about the growing friendship between us. I knew he was interested in it becoming more, more than even Jacob was, but that wouldn't happen right now.

So, here I was. At the front steps. I still needed a stick to be able to move around, but I was able to be independent. The sight hadn't fully come back on my left side but was better. I had been assessed for glassed but they wouldn't have helped. I had learnt to use my hearing more to compensate for the changes.

Everyone was worried about me today but tried not to show it. I just needed to survive the morning. 4 easy classes and then home. I was obviously excused from gym, but part of me was ready to trade out the now weekly torture sessions for what would be a walk in the park in comparison. Charlie had purchased double of all my textbooks. They were left in the classrooms so that I didn't need to carry them around all day. My other set was at home for studying. I also had a small Dictaphone ready to record the lessons.

First class, calculus. Joys. I hated this subject even before my mind went faulty. I rarely understood anything anymore but refused to let it beat me. I was sitting at the front in all lessons now. I needed to be closer to the board to see what was written.

The class slowly filed in behind me. Whispers started almost at once.

"Look, she's back," I heard Lauren say all too clearly. "Months off school after trying to off herself. She never deserved Edward anyway, I bet he is glad he got away while he could."

 _I will not cry._ I told myself. _Just ignore her. She is only jealous. But she isn't, what she is saying is true. He did leave because he didn't want me anymore._

The chatter continued, so I just drowned it out. Mike had sat near me and tried to engage me in conversation, but I couldn't do it.

"Settle down, everyone, let's get started." The teacher called. Everyone became silent and the lesson started.

I was pleased that I wasn't as far behind as I thought. 5 minuets before the bell was due to go, the teacher dismissed me. I was leaving early so I wasn't caught in the bustle of the corridors.

"Cripple" Someone coughed behind me.

"That's enough," The teacher said, "Detention at lunch, and if I catch anyone else doing anything like that, they can join him."

I didn't even turn to find out who it was. I simply left and made my way though the school.

I survived the morning and was waiting outside for Sue. She pulled up and I clambered in. One look at my face gave it all away. "That bad?" She asked.

Nodding, I closed the door.

"Let's get you home and fed, we can talk about it later." She said patting me gently on the arm.

We drove in silence.

* * *

I had survived high school. My grades weren't as good as I would have liked, but they were good enough to get me into the schools I had applied for.

Most collages were accepting of my late entries. I had received 3 acceptance letters. After much deliberations, discussions and arguments, I had decided to go to Cornell.

"Dad, I earned this. I am fine." I said. "I need to go off to college. Please, will you just let me go."

Charlie was not happy about my plans to move out. He didn't understand why I needed this opportunity. Sue had explained it to him, but his concern as a father always won out.

"I know you do, but why do you need to go so far. You could just go to go Seattle, that way you could stay living at home."

"No dad," I said continuing to pack. "I am going to Ithaca. Everything has been planned, I have my accommodation arrange, support in place. You have looked around. You can't turn around and say no now. Either help me get this stuff into boxes or leave me alone."

We had become much closer with everything that happened, but right now he was doing my head in. I needed a break from this town.

"Fine, what do you want where?"

I smiled, knowing that although he had given up this battle, he would try again. "Thank you, Dad." I said.


	4. Chapter 4

**I do not own Twilight**

**Jasper**

It was the start of another year. More inaccurate teaching, useless assignments, and emotional young people. College was better than high school but was still boring.

I was sat with Alice in the Porsche. She loved this car so much before we left. Edward had gifted it to her, knowing she would only be able to enjoy it from the garage. Now we were in New York she could play with it as much as she wanted. She just didn't. The spark from the entire family had gone. First, we had lost Bella and then Edward.

So here we were. Sat in the car park stalling. I had spent the last few months working with Carlisle on my blood lust. Both learning to handle the bloodlust from others and my own. It had seemed that differentiating the feelings and then distancing myself from any that aren't my own worked well.

I was proud of my achievement. The humans no longer posed a threat to my family and myself. Now the temptation was minimal, I hoped to enjoy the relaxed college experience with Alice. We could try all those things she had always wanted to before. Clubbing, nights out, fashion shows. I could finally accompany her. If she still wanted to go.

"Let's go Alice." I said opening the car door. She continued to stare out of the front window, oblivious to the world. That look used to belong solely to her visions, now it was a permanent fixture. I caressed her cheek softly. "I'll walk you to class." I exited the car and moved to open her door. My wife was broken, I longed to see her smile again. She climbed out soon after but didn't dance the way she used to.

The entire family's image had changed. The biggest difference was with Alice, she was like a different person. I could see the purple smudges under her eyes from lack of hunting. She didn't find the thrill in it anymore; it was simply a necessity. She stood hunched with her head down.

I used my finger to raise her chin and look into her eyes. She fought me, determined to inspect the dirt on the floor. Resigning myself, I offered my hand instead.

Her clothes were simpler. The big brands were still prominent, I doubted anything could get her to wear non designer clothing, but they didn't stand out like they used to. Dark colours, baggy items. She was lost. I had no care for fancy clothes, she was the most beautiful thing in my life. I knew it meant her spirit was damaged, that upset me.

She took my hand but said nothing. Next to us, Emmett and Rosalie were climbing out of her M3. He also looked like someone had stollen his puppy. We hadn't been pranked since Forks. I thought we would have missed it, but just as with Alice and her clothes, it didn't feel right. He spent his free time staring blankly at the TV. Often, he forgot to turn it on. I couldn't even get him to wrestle anymore.

His mood was angering Rosalie. My sister would never change, she was a jealous and resentful of this life. She didn't understand the family's obsession with the human. Humans having knowledge of our existence was a danger. We had risked more than Bella could know by having left her alive and alone.

We both regretted the decision to leave because of how it had affected those she cares about, but I could tell she was jealous that Bella got her chance at a human life. A chance we would never get.

Making our way across the parking lot, Alice and I left the other couple inside the building without so much as a goodbye. The lack of communication was another recent development. Everyone was caught up in their musings and grief.

Walking together, I escorted Alice to her lesson. She didn't take much notice of everything around her. I kissed the back of her hand and giving one of the classic smirks she used to love. Not even a smile. "I'll see you at the car at the end of the day" I left her.

She was the only one acting as a freshman. It was too obvious if 5 siblings started in the same year group. We followed the standard routine of her and Edward enrolling younger. It was too late to change the information when he had left her alone. So, we had to deal with the fall out. She was more than capable of handling herself, no one could harm her, but I worried about her being alone.

My first lesson dragged. Most of the class were half asleep by the end of it. The first session of every class was always a summary of what we would be doing over the coming year and introducing themselves. If we were lucky, we would be given an activity to join in with. Even he was bored of what he was saying.

I used my time to practice sorting through and filing emotions. Letting myself feel them, then separating myself. It was an art I was becoming better at.

The boy sitting next to me was feeling a mixture of anticipation, boredom and lust. I could only imagine that was due to the young lady in front of him. I hadn't missed the frequent turns, to make eye contact and quietly giggle.

The emotions rolled over me like a wave. Following the path of the waves, I was able to redirect them away from me. Sometimes I was able to put them in a bubble or pool, other times I simply avoided their path.

I resisted the urge to manipulate the teacher's emotions. Whilst I couldn't directly change the lesson content, if he were a bit happier, he might teach better.

Second and third lessons were similar. By the fourth I was fed up with my self-invented game.

 _What a year it has been._ I mused to myself. _Edward had been heartbroken when he came home saying Bella wanted nothing more to do with us. It was understandable, I had nearly killed her. She was right to demand her own life. It still hurt. She had always accepted us for who we were and was quick to forgive. Her discussion with Carlisle had demonstrated that. I had wanted to call her and apologise. I was a selfish man wanting forgiveness._

_Esme and Carlisle were devastated. They had lost their newest daughter. A young girl in need of a caring mother that she was able to dote on. Alice and Emmett were grieved. They wanted to say goodbye, argued for hours, but Edward has insisted that she wanted a clean break. I knew he was lying, you can't lie to an empath, but he must have had his reasons, so I kept my opinion to myself. It was true that she would be so much safer away from us. Rosalie had the good sense to stay quiet._

_It wasn't long after we moved that Edward left his. He gave us a story about chasing Victoria. His skills as a tracker were abysmal. He would be away a long time. To start with he kept in touch every month or so, but that faded to nothing. I couldn't blame him for leaving. The minds of the family must be difficult. The constant reminder of what he lost. I was angered by his lack of contact though. He must have known how it would affect everyone, especially Esme. She had phoned him every week until his phone was disconnected. We didn't know if he had lost it, if it had died with no way to charge it or if he had smashed it. Either way, we don't know where he is and have no way to contact him._

_Alice tries to track him in her visions, but it isn't possible. Without making decisions, there is nothing for her to see. I longed to find him and kick his sorry arse back home. Force him to apologise, to fix it._

_Soon after we lost contact Alice broke the news about her lack of visions on Bella. We had researched, contacted friends and discussed so many possibilities as to why she would be missing, but we came up empty._

_The family were broken all over again. I could feel their sorrow. I didn't know if they could handle any more heartbreak._

_It was difficult seeing her like this. I loved her in a way I couldn't explain. Every instinct in me was saying that I should be guarding her until she is well. She was my life. I longed to help her heal in the way she healed me from my years with Maria._ I shook myself; this was not the place to be thinking of her.

I stared at the desk, only partially listening to the same introduction speech the other three tutors had given.

_What a waste of time this is. I didn't realise quite how boring these lessons were when you aren't battling bloodlust. I still didn't understand Carlisle's surprise when I asked him for help. He had helped me though, and I was very grateful._

He had stollen blood from the blood bank at the hospital. We worked for weeks gradually increasing my exposure until I was able to remain calm whilst in very close proximity. I knew that this had benefited the other too, but they didn't take the same interest I had. I'd even gone with Carlisle to the hospital to help out a few time. The ER had been too much of a challenge at first, but other parts were easier. _I hope I can go out again with him soon. Maybe I can get a job in our next place instead of repeating school._

_I wonder if there is anything, I can actually do with this philosophy degree. Would be nice to use something I earned instead of faked._

My head shot up. I got a sudden burst of strawberries and freesias. The beautiful smooth scent and sweet, sweet blood. It reminded me so much of Bella. My beautiful sister lost to us now. I could still remember her deep chocolate eyes and heart shaped face. Her pure and loving emotions whenever she was with the family.

_I must be crazy. I was clearly thinking so hard I imagined her scent. It couldn't be her. Could it?_

The scent disappeared. _It must have been my imagination._ The lesson drew to a close not long later. Even the teacher seemed thankful the lesson was over. After assigning the reading, he dismissed us.

My books were packed in the bag Alice had given me last week. Another designer label with a massive price tag to match. I was a simple guy, happy with jeans and boots, but she always insisted. I had hoped asking her to take me shopping would make her happy. She had taken me, but it didn't have the desired effect.

Making my way out of the classroom, I froze. Through the window I saw a girl. A young woman I didn't think I would ever see again.

It was Bella.

Someone shoved me from behind, and it was then that I realised I had been blocking the exit for the others. Hastily I made mover out of the way towards the window.

She was facing away from me, talking to someone I didn't recognise. I was certain it was her though. I could see the many changes in Bella. Vampire eyesight and memory doesn't allow for much to be missed. Her weight was lower than before, she had filled out in the way she should have done, but not enough to hide the obvious lack of nutrition. She walked stiffly with a cane, where that had come from I could only guess. She had cut her hair fairly short; it made her look older.

I longed to approach her. Apologise. Embrace her. Anything. I wanted my eyes to be mistaking me. I wanted to know she was okay.

I knew I was staring at her and was going to be late, but I couldn't bring myself to care. She was here.

Obviously sensing someone watching, she looked up and around the quad. I moved quickly around a corner out of sight.

 _It was Bella._ I thought to myself. _What do I do now? Has anyone else seen her? We need to discuss this together before we approach. She didn't want us anywhere near her, this may mean moving again._ Thoughts and possibilities rolled through my mind. _Did she see me?_

I couldn't stay standing here, someone was likely to notice me standing as still as a statue. We couldn't draw that sort of attention to ourselves. I made my way slowly over to the coffee shop I'd agreed to meet Rose at on our break. We wouldn't go inside, but it was a break from the busy campus.

My mind was spinning with information, possibilities, questions.

I saw Rosalie from a distance away. She had obvious been waiting a while from her frustrated emotions. I approached, desperately trying to concentrate through the chaos.

"Have you seen her?" I asked abruptly as I reached her.

She could obviously sense my mood but knew from her surprise she didn't know what I was talking about. "Seen who Jasper?" She asked frustratedly. It took me too long to reply, so she snapped again, "Who am I meant to have seen?"

I looked at her. "Bella is here." I said simply.

Shock. Relief. Confusion. Fear. The same emotions I had felt myself I now felt coming from her.

"Does anyone else know?" She asked me. I couldn't find the words to reply, so simply shrugged. "This is a bit of a curve we weren't expecting. I do not want to move again. We were here first, if she is unhappy about us being close, she is welcome to go somewhere else." She stated bluntly. My thoughts were too chaotic to deal with her hatred right now. I didn't want to fight or argue.

"You know Alice and Emmett won't go along with that. They will be all over her when they know she is alive." I reminded her, hoping she would notice the resignation in my voice. This situation was starting to give me a headache. Yes me, the vampire, a headache. "Shall we call them home early?"

"Not worth it. We may as well just wait until the end of the day and tell the family together. Hopefully they won't bump into her." She thought for a moment. Her emotions were slightly embarrassed, and I wondered what she would say next. "How did she look?"

Well that threw me. The stone hearted ice queen did care. I gave her a knowing smirk. She just looked at me sheepishly. Becoming serious, I straightened my face, "Not good Rose. She didn't look good at all."

**Thank you for reading, please review. Now the story is established, I will be moving to weekly updates. Roughly 30-40 chapters planned.**


	5. Chapter 5

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Bella**

"Do you need to add anything to the list before I head out?" Diana, my housemate, had unpacked faster than me and was heading to the shops for food essentials.

I rushed out of my room, unfortunately my rushing was still everyone else's hobbling, but it was progress. Looking down the list, I noted down a few more items. "Please don't forget loo roll," I begged. One roll had been provided, but that wouldn't last long.

"Of course, I'll be back soon."

The college owned a few supported housing options on campus. They were 2 occupancy accessible bungalows with on call support as needed. It was perfect for me and my needs and I was very thankful to have the space. Everything was painted with neutral colours and the furniture was basic, but it was home for the foreseeable future.

This accommodation had been one of the few reasons that Dad had let me leave. He had been unable to fly over with me to help me unpack, but I had promised to call him when I had settled in.

Returning to my room, I started taking things out of the final box. This box contained odd assortments that I had wanted to bring with me and my books. It didn't take me long to organise everything needed. I collapsed on the bed, exhausted.

We had decided on easy pizza dinner for tonight. Tomorrow, Saturday, we could go shopping for proper ingredients for meals.

I couldn't wait for lessons to start on Monday, it would mostly be orientation but that was okay.

Taking out my cell, I dialled Forks. Dad answered after only one ring. "Bit keen, are we?" I was joking with him and he knew it.

 _"How is everything? Did you arrive alright? Have you eaten? Did you take your meds?"_ I allowed him to ramble out a few more questions before I interrupted him.

"Would you like me to answer or do you want me to just sit and listen to you questioning?" He laughed at me and I could imagine the sheepish face. "Everything is good over here. Liz gave me the key and made sure everything was okay, she said she would check in on us later before she headed home. Diana is friendly and I think we are going to get on well. I've unpacked everything. Oh, and tell Jake he owes me a tenner, all my books fit on the shelves."

_"That's great Bells, I'm so pleased its going well. Is there anything you've forgotten and need me to send over?"_

"Not that I have noticed at the moment. I may realise something is missing over the next few days though."

The conversation continued, mostly rambling about nothings. I was worried about Charlie being lonely without me there, but I also knew the pack would look after him. I had given Jake strict instructions to deliver something green to his fridge at least once a month.

"I've got to go Dad, Diana is back."

 _"Sure thing kiddo, I'll phone you in a few days to see how you are getting on. If you need anything, anything at all, you let me know. If you change your mind about being there, I can get you on a flight in no time."_ He was ever hopeful that I would change my mind and go home.

"Love you Dad." I hung up the phone and grabbed my stick. Although I didn't strictly need it in the house, my exhaustion was making me wobbly and it was better not to risk it. I did not need to be acquainting myself with the local hospital staff on my first day.

"Are you ready for me to put dinner on or did you want some more time to unpack?" Diana asked me as I came into the room.

She was a petite girl with bright ginger hair cut into a crop. She was an art major and a bit shy. When I had arrived, she had rushed into her room and closed the door, appearing half an hour later to say hi. We had gotten to know each other over the course of the afternoon, and she was warming up to me.

"Now is good, do you need a hand sorting the groceries?" As predicted, she shook her head and moved away into the kitchen. I heard her banging around as she put things away. Deciding to give her some space, I sat on the couch and turned on the TV. I wasn't planning to watch anything, but the background noise was nice.

Diana came to sit with me a while later, I offered her the control. She shook her head and settled down with a sketch pad I hadn't noticed her holding.

"I'll get it." I said a while later when the alarm went off. "I'll just bring it back in here for tonight."

I stood and made my way to the oven, taking out the pepperoni pizza and placing it on a tray I carried it back next door. It had been a hard lesson, but I had learnt not to get annoyed that everything took longer. So back and forth I went carrying everything needed.

"Thanks," Diana said as I sat back in the den. She had placed her sketch pad on the coffee table face up and I was amazed by what was drawn.

It was a beautiful creature. The front end was a perfectly sketched Eagle, the feathers had beautiful detail and the emotion was clear in his eyes, he was stalking prey. The hind end was a gorgeously muscular lion. Although the drawing was in graphite, I could imagine bold colours he held. "That's incredible," I said to her slightly gobsmacked, "it's a griffin, right?"

She blushed and nodded. Quickly grabbing the pad, she flipped the cover over hiding her work. She smiled at me and went back to eating.

* * *

"Thank you," I called as I climbed off the bus. I was lucky that my accommodation was close to a bus stop and that the route went directly to the main building. Public transport was a necessary evil when you were unable to drive.

"I'm meant to be going to hall 1 blue signs," Diana said, "Which are you going to?"

I looked down at my paperwork, damn memory, I had read this information only a moment ago. "Hall 3 red signs," I replied.

She looked around at the signs. This was the first official day being open so not only was the campus busy, there were lots of signs sending people in the right directions. Thankfully Diana was helping me navigate before leading, else I may never make it in time.

"I am over the road down at the other complex by the looks of it," she said squinting down the road towards what I assumed was a blue arrow. "You need to go across the parking lot and into the building over there." She pointed towards a big building. "Are you alright to get there?"

I nodded. "Best get going, wasn't expecting such a walk." We smiled at each other.

Over the weekend we had gotten to know each other better. I had learnt that she had lived with her mother and two younger brothers. It had been as much of a struggle to convince her mother to let her leave as it had been to convince Charlie. She didn't disclose why she was in this particular accommodation, and I didn't pry. It wasn't any of my business and I sensed it made her feel uncomfortable.

She had shown me some more of her drawings and I had lent her one of my fiction books. _A guide to the supernatural_ had been a gift from Jacob when I left. It had the intended effect when I opened it and noticed the addition to the front cover. It now read _A_ highly inaccurate _guide to the supernatural._ Few understood the joke, but the pack found it hilarious.

I found out that she specialised in drawing animals and mystic creatures, though her reasoning of "I think they are pretty" wasn't all that convincing.

We settled into a nice routine between us, she wasn't much of a cook but was a whiz with dishes. Neither of us were much of a TV fan, but we both liked the background noise, so we opted to buy a radio to share. I told her about my friends back home and she told me about her hometown. We briefly went to the communal area, but both decided it wasn't for us. I liked the set up, it worked for us both.

I was making incredibly slow progress across the parking lot, not looking at anything other than my feet. I hoped to delay the inevitable ER staff introductions as long as possible.

A few people were friendly saying hi to me and I happily replied, most were too focused on the day to care.

Sitting on a chair near the front, I waited. The start of today was going to be tours and general information for the freshmen. My key worker, Liz, who was responsible for overseeing my support, had assigned me a student who would just show me what was needed to save me walking everywhere.

It turned out that the student was called Monica. She was fairly tall and well built with a bright smile. "Ready to go?" She asked me.

I was shown where all of my classrooms are, the best places to eat, the library, the toilet and various other places. Not once did she complain about my slow speed. I enjoyed talking to her. She was in her third year at Cornell majoring in journalism. Apparently, she was one of those people who knew everyone, and I mean everyone. She introduced me to many tutors and students, knowing all of their names and saying hello with her trademark friendly face.

It was nearly lunch when she turned to me. "That is everything I need to show you, do you know where you are needed next?" She asked me.

"No, I am only doing half days at the moment so will head home. Can you show me to the quad? I said I would say hi to my housemate before I left for the day."

She walked me not far to the patch of grass at the centre of the complex. "Would you like me to wait for you?" She asked me when we arrived.

I shook my head, "No thank you, you have been amazing showing me around. I hope it wasn't too boring for you."

"Not at all, I enjoyed myself, I hope to see you again soon. Bye Bella." She said walking away.

I pulled a granola bar out of my bag along with a bottle of water. I looked at my watch, sighing when I saw I had another half an hour or so to wait, I also pulled out my book.

Reading was more difficult since the accident. When I was tired, I had to squint to see the words and focus hard to keep the information in my knowledge. Sue had introduced me to audio books which allowed me to enjoy the stories, but I preferred books. You couldn't imagine your own voices with audiobooks.

I was lost in my own world and didn't hear Diana approach. "You meant it when you said you could read anywhere." She said laughing at me. I put the book away and stood to greet her.

"I know, I was distracted. Anyway, how was your morning?"

"It has been great. I have been shown the location of many places that I cannot name or locate again. Been bombarded with so much information I think my head is going to explode. What is with this place and dumping so much information on you at one time?" She looked exasperated.

"No idea, but hopefully everything will become clearer with time. If it doesn't, I am in a lot of trouble." We laughed at the joke together and I felt something off.

It was a tingling sensation on the back of my neck and a constriction in my chest. It wasn't difficult to breath, but I knew instantly that something was off. Looking at Diana, I knew she couldn't feel it. I wasn't following what she was saying, but she seemed comfortable enough. Turning slightly, I looked around.

I was being watched. I didn't know who was watching me or why, but I could feel someone there. Cursing my eyes, I turned back to Diana. "I feel like someone is watching me, is there anyone there?"

She looked around the quad briefly then back to me. "Nope, not visible to humans anyway."

The feeling was still there but less so.

"I must be over tired. I am going to go back for a nap I think. Sorry I can't stay for lunch like I had planned." I apologised.

"Don't worry about it, today has been tough on everyone, give yourself a break. I can walk you to the stop if you like." She looked down at her watch. "I can't wait with you, but the bus should only be 20 minutes or so."

I smiled at her and gave her my thanks. It was when we started walking that I realised quite how tired I was. Maybe college had been a bad idea. Maybe I wasn't ready. My leg was shaking with the effort to continue walking and I kept bumping into people.

 _Charlie will be all over this if something happens on my first day._ I thought to myself. _Just get home and rest, that's all I need to do right now._

Before I moved here, I had all my medical details transferred to a local specialist who would continue to see over my case. They had all been involved in developing the support plan I needed and there were many back ups in place. One of those back up plans had been a rollator, a wheeled walking frame with a seat. I had grudgingly accepted it, knowing that my Dad would throw a fit if I didn't follow their advice to the letter, but I had secretly planned to leave it hiding in the cupboard. Apparently, that plan wasn't destined to live long.

"Do you need me to call Liz?" I looked up at Diana's face and she looked worried.

"I'm good to get back, I only need to wait here till the bus arrives and I'll be home in no time. I would probably get home faster than it would take me to sit here and wait." She didn't look convinced. "I'll text you when I'm back and I'll let the team know I'm not feeling great." I assured her.

"You'd better." She said firmly. I waved her away and sat on the bench. Luckily it wasn't comfortable enough to sit and wait on.

I didn't get out my book, worried I might not notice the bus arriving, instead I looked around me. The bus stop faced the parking lot and while I couldn't see people's features, watching them move around was interesting.

I noticed a group of sporty kids, some music students and various other groups of people. Some people ran, obviously late for class, while others were more leisurely. It was normal. I liked normal.

Suddenly my heart rate picked up. My breathing laboured. Sweat started to drip off me. It was them.

Even with my eyes, the pale skin and beauty was impossible to miss.

I managed "Oh crap," before my world went dark.

**Thank you for reading, please review.**


	6. Chapter 6

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Emmett**

"We're done for today Em, we need to head back." Rosalie said to me meeting me outside my final classroom. "Jasper has called a family meeting."

Monday was a quiet day for all of us, only morning and early afternoon classes. "Sure, nothing worth doing here anyway."

I offered her my arm as I always did, she took it with a smile. Rosalie was my life, I loved her more than anything and I was trying to do better for her. It was so hard though. My baby sister was gone. It was my job to protect her, to make sure she was safe. I had failed in that responsibility.

Rosalie, obvious sensing my mood change snapped her fingers in front of my face. "Snap out of it, there's nothing you can do." If I had been paying attention, I would have noticed the nervous glint in her eye she always had when she was hiding something from me, but I was too caught up in my own musings.

"Right, sorry. Lets just get to the meeting." I allowed my mind to empty. This was a technique that Jasper had taught me to manage the grief, don't think, don't feel, just be. Rosie hated it, she said it made me look like a zombie.

We reached the edge of the parking lot and saw Jasper waiting by the cars. I didn't even acknowledge him, just carried on my languish walking.

It was hard to say if keeping up the human façade was easier or not. Part of me struggled to be consciously aware of keeping my actions censored. On the other hand, feeling so lost, many of the needed human traits were being shown naturally. I knew Alice had felt similar having spoken to her about it recently.

We had become closer since losing Bella. We understood each other in a way that the others didn't. Jasper had liked her but had never built up a relationship enough to miss her to the point of being unstable. Carlisle and Esme had loved her like a daughter but had both backed Edward's decision to leave. They both held themselves responsible. Rosalie had never allowed herself to like her, she had kept the icy barriers up in order to keep herself safe. Sometimes when we had been alone, she had allowed a small amount of caring to leave, but not enough to be heartbroken over her absence. No, Alice understood me. Both of us had fought the decision to leave without a trace. We respected her decision, we would always respect any decision she needed to make to feel safe, but we wanted to say goodbye. To tell her one more time that we loved her. Even a forwarding address in case she changed her mind.

Reaching the cars, I realised that Jasper was alone. Alice hadn't finished for the day yet. Since her energy had dropped so dramatically, he had needed to take more responsibility in the relationship, so for once he didn't look quite so lost standing amongst humans alone. The worry on his face was prevalent though, but I felt the same when away from my Rosie.

"Everything alright Jasper?" Rosalie asked as we reached him. I tuned him out, uninterested in the idle chitchat.

I stood next to her, head hanging and curled in on myself. It was a posture I knew Alice had adapted also. Our subconscious seemed to be trying to keep ourselves guarded.

It wasn't long later that Alice arrived. _Finally, we can go home. It doesn't deserve to be called home anymore, but what other names are there. The place where my family resides. I didn't think it will ever feel like home again without Bella._

My siblings started. Looking up at them I frowned. What on earth could cause 3 vampires to simultaneously forget to be human. They all looked like they had seen a ghost.

Then I heard it.

"Oh crap." It was a small, distant voice, but one I knew instantly.

Following their eye gaze, I looked across the parking lot. I had forgotten to regulate my speed which earned me a hiss from Rosalie. It didn't matter. She was there. I could see her. She was different, yes, but alive.

I only had a moment to think about what was happening before I saw her collapse. Terrified, I made to run over to her only to be stopped by a firm arm.

The ability to think coherently was gone. I needed to get to my sister. She needed me.

I ripped an unknown hand away and uncaring if I had hurt them or if any of the humans had noticed. They made to grab me again, but I dodged it. I ran.

It was less than a second before I was at her side. I looked down at her, she was just lying there, unmoving. She looked like she was sleeping, but I knew that wasn't the case. My knowledge of human ailments had long ago disappeared.

There was a small amount of blood seeping through her top from where she had hit the floor, but there was no bloodlust.

I felt someone approach and turned to snarl at them.

"It's only me Emmett, let me past." Rosalie said. I had to remind myself that she was my mate, she wouldn't do anything to hurt her.

She took my arms and guided me to the side. I saw Jasper holding Alice close, whether it was to keep her calm or out of the way I did not know. Jasper, ever the solider, was assessing the area. I wasn't in a mindset to help him, but he didn't seem jittery, so I assumed that we had been lucky.

I turned back to the girls on the floor. Rosalie, having worked at many women's shelters over the years, was the most knowledgeable regarding human health. She instantly responded calmly knowing what to do.

"Pass your sweater would you," she called out to me. I hastily took it off and threw it to her.

We all watched as she folded it neatly and placed it carefully under her head. _Pillow_ I thought to myself trying to understand what she was doing. Most importantly I needed to know why it was needed.

It felt like minutes, but in reality, was only a few seconds.

My brain was slowly starting to catch up with me. Vampire brains ran considerably faster than that of a human, it was disconcerting for it to be failing me now.

 _It's Bella!_ I thought to myself. _She's alive, she's here! What's wrong with her though. I can hear her heartbeat so she must be alright, but why is she sleeping. Why doesn't Rosalie just wake her up._

I reached down to shake her shoulder, desperate to do something, but Rose slapped my hand out of the way.

"Do something Rose, you can't just let her sleep there." I snapped at her. Why wasn't she helping. I know she hated Bella in the past, but this was plain nasty.

"We just need to wait, Em, she will be alright soon." She was trying to sooth my anxiety. How on earth was she so calm, even for a vampire it was unnatural.

I turned to Alice. She looked just as angry as me. Her lips were curled up baring her teeth towards my mate, I snarled back at her on reflex. I looked at Jasper and saw the strain on his face, he was clearly holding her in place.

Looking between Rosalie and Jasper, I didn't know what to think. They were both far too relaxed. Bella was on the floor. She needed help. Why was everyone just ignoring that. I opened my mouth to shout at them but a look from Rosalie shut me up.

Dejectedly I looked at the floor and whispered, "We can't just stand here. Somebody do something."

"We are doing something. We are waiting," She explained to me. "Take a moment, stop and think, look, process." It was like she was talking to a toddler, but I also knew she was making sense. I hadn't done enough of that.

I looked down at Bella. Taking in the drastic changes in her looks, I was deeply saddened. She had clearly been through something drastic and I wanted to fix it. She was wearing simple and comfortable clothes, not so different from what I remember, but they all swamped her.

On her wrist, something sparkled. Initially I wrote it off, but then remembered that she didn't wear jewellery and had complained loudly whenever Edward had mentioned it. Looking closer I saw the words inscribed.

_Epilepsy – ICE check bag_

"What does that mean Rose?" I asked confused.

She smiled up at me, clearly glad that I was starting to catch up. "It means she is having a seizure; she will come around soon. If you want me to check her bag for more information, I am happy to, but I didn't want to invade her privacy, we all know how she feels about us."

How had I forgotten that? She hated us, wanted nothing more to do with us. We weren't respecting her wishes. Part of me didn't care, it wanted to bundle her up and keep her safe from the world. The other part was terrified she would reject us again. I didn't know if the family would cope with loosing her yet again, not after we had just found her. I didn't know if my heart could stand another battering.

My caring side won out; it would always win out. What did it matter how I felt in all of this? So long as she was going to be alright. I nodded and Rosalie reached for her bag.

Looking away from my small huddle, I realised how lucky we had been. Most students were either in lessons, having lunch or gone home. No one was around and no one had noticed our little huddle.

"Have a look at this Emmett." Rosalie was passing me something from Bella's purse. Taking the small card, I read the information.

_I have a seizure disorder. DON'T PANIC seizures are a part of my life. Please let me come round in my own time._

_Please see the back of this card for instructions on what to do if I have a seizure._

I didn't know if the information helped me. This was clearly a regular occurrence, but never having seen it before, it was incredibly scary.

Before I could check the back, there was a quiet groan. Following that was some movement. Her hand went to her face and rubbed her eyes.

Rosalie moved away from her, giving her space, so we all copied.

She had fallen asleep at our house enough for me to recognise the differences between whatever was happening now and her waking up from a nap.

Her face was pale and clammy. There was a slight green tinge which I recognised as a sign of nausea. Poor Bella had been through enough, she didn't need to be sick too. Her hand was shaking slightly as she took it away. She seemed so fragile.

She continued to lay there for a few moments with her eyes closed just breathing. I watched her. I could see that with every passing second, she was becoming more aware. Her face scrunched up slightly and then relaxed again before she let out a big sigh and opened her eyes.

They were unfocused. That worried me. I looked to Rose for reassurance, but she just shook her head slightly.

We watched as she slowly pulled herself up into a sitting position, bending her right leg up towards her and resting her head on it, her left leg stayed straight. The movements were incredibly slow, they were filled with weakness and struggle.

She took several deep breaths. They weren't the relaxing sort that humans commonly used to help them calm down, they were the gasping out of breath type what showed how fatigued she was.

Using her hand, she was moving her hand on the floor around her, apparently trying to find something. Rose held a hand up to me, clearly indicating for me to stay still, and moved towards her. She picked up Bella's bag and placed it next to her hand in easy reach.

Bella jumped, clearly surprised by its sudden appearance and looked up. Bleary eyes seemed to stare straight through us. She didn't recognise us.

Rose helped her to open her bag and take out the water bottle. She didn't let go, instead she unscrewed the lid and helped guide the water to her lips. Bella was shaking, without help the water would have been spilt.

After a few tentative sips, she started to gulp the water down. Rose took the bottle away swiftly.

I watched as Bella put her hands back up to her head, gently making massage movements as her eyelids began to droop.

"We need to get you home, then you can sleep." Rose was making sure that everything was packed back into Bella's bag. She passed it to me with a smile. "Do you want a hand standing up."

It took a few moments, but she nodded slightly. I made to move closer, but with a shake of the head I stopped. _Why couldn't I help?_ I was getting frustrated again. Receiving another glare, I settled back.

Rosalie took Bella's hands and supported her as she slowly got her feet under her. She swayed for a few seconds before finally finding her balance. I spotted a cane on the floor nearby and picked it up.

I passed it to Rose who placed the handle in Bella's hand. "Are you doing alright?" She asked her. Again, just a nod. "Come on then, take it slow. We will give you a ride back."

The walk across the parking lot took forever. I wanted to pick her up and carry her, but any time I made to help, I was stopped. Alice was showing similar frustration nearby with Jasper. None of us minded the slow speed, no, it was the amount of effort that the simple task was taking out on her. We just wanted to ease her suffering.

"Can you unlock the car please Emmett." Rosalie said to me as we neared them.

 _Keys, keys, where are the keys._ I patted my pockets trying to work out where they were. Feeling them, I pulled them out and swiftly pressed the button.

She opened the door and gently guided Bella into the front seat. "You'll need to ride with them. I'll take Bella." She said as she closed the door. "I have her address from the information and a number for her key worker. I am going to call this Liz to let her know what has happened and put Bella to bed. The address is from the supported complex so I am sure that someone will be there to take care of her. I'll meet you all back at home."

"No way, we are coming with you." Alice protested behind me. I looked to her and nodded my agreement.

"She needs us, something is wrong with her. Maybe we should be calling Carlisle out."

"No, you will all listen to me. If you disagree, as Carlisle when you get home, he will say exactly the same as me." Her face was firm. That was a look that I knew meant her mind wouldn't be changed.

Resided, I nodded and turned to my siblings. "Let's go." With one last longing look towards the girls, I walked away.

**Thank you for reading, please leave a review to let me know what you think. This chapter is out so quickly due to the fantastic response to the last one, keep it up and you'll get more quick chapters.**

Card wording from Stickman Communication cards - they have some fantastic resources for a massive range of disabilities/health conditions.


	7. Chapter 7

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Carlisle**

I had come home from work early at the request of Jasper, yet they were late arriving. It must have been important to warrant such a request so something serious must have happened to delay them. I could sense Esme's anxiety too.

"I'm sure they will be here soon and there will be a good reason." I said trying to sooth her.

We were sitting on the love seat together watching the fire. She had found comfort in the warmth ever since losing Bella. It was rare that the fire wasn't burning in the comfortable living room. The room was furnished smartly and professionally, as our houses always were, but it lacked the jaw dropping brilliance that they usually held.

I looked down at her face. Her once glistening eyes were now dull and lifeless, barely reflecting the flames she was so intently staring at. I wondered if she thought that this was all some nightmare that she would wake up from. We all wished that, but all knew that it wasn't true.

My biggest fear was that my family was irreparably broken.

I sat there, my wife's lifeless body in my arms for what felt like an eternity. Time loses meaning for a vampire. Without the respite of sleep or the up and down of a normal day, everything starts to bleed together. Only the sun and the clock gave us any idea of how time passed. I heard the hum of the engine turn down our drive.

Just like in Forks, our house was set back well away from the human population. Using our many contacts and hacking skills we successfully acquired a section of land. This area was inaccessible to cars and most humans, so it granted us the solitude we needed. Anyone wishing to visit needed to park their car at the garage just under half a mile away and run to the house.

Unfortunately, the house building project hadn't sparked some new life into Esme as I had hoped. The grounds hadn't either. She had completed the needed tasks like a robot, never doing more than was needed.

"Hello everyone," I said as they walked through the door. I could tell from their expressions that something had happened, and I doubted it would be something pleasurable.

"Good afternoon Carlisle," Jasper greeted me. He was guiding Alice who seemed unaware of her surroundings. The blank look I recognised as her being lost in the future.

Turning to look at Emmett, I saw an expression that surprised me. Beneath the usual morose look, he held a glimmer of hope. I continued to stare at him in shock before he met my eyes. There I saw the greatest relief.

Emmett opened his mouth and managed to stammer "She's alive" before breaking down in dry sobs. It was rare for Emmett to show any emotion in front of anyone except Rosalie, I was astounded.

It was at the sudden movement from Esme on my lap that I stopped to process what he had said. "She's alive." Who is alive? Did something happen which endangered their lives while they were at school? Surely that wasn't possible.

I looked around the room and saw that Rosalie was missing from the small gathering. I immediately panicked. Emmett was distraught and his mate was missing. What had happened?

"Please would someone explain what has happened today?" I said with a calmness that I didn't feel. "Where is Rosalie and what has happened to Emmett."

I glared at the three of them, hoping someone would answer soon. Emmett was inconsolable on the floor; Alice still had the far away look and Jasper was focused on Alice. I was about to demand that they reply, when Esme spoke.

"Come sit," she was ever the mother and her quiet comfort was working. She walked over to Emmett and offered her hand. He took it and allowed her to guide him towards the couch. Jasper had done the same with Alice.

"Jasper, can you explain what happened to cause such extreme responses?" Esme spoke softly.

It appeared to take an extraordinary amount of effort for him to tear his eyes away from Alice. "It's like Emmett said, she's alive." He paused for a moment to place his hand on Alice's cheek. "Bella is alive."

Had I been human, I likely would have collapsed on the floor right there. Instead I stared at him, my mouth hanging open.

 _How could she be alive. She died; we all know she has died. The family has cracked, they're going crazy. What on earth do I do now._ My thoughts were reeling.

I looked at my wife. Looking in her eyes, I saw what I wished I hadn't. There was a glimmer of hope. _How dare they do this. Do they not realise what effect this will have on the family? This is a sick joke._

"I don't know what you are all playing at, but this joke is unacceptable. How could you come home and do this to your mother? Explain yourselves." I shouted at them; I had lost control of my anger.

"It's true," Emmett said finally looking up. "She was there at school."

I looked from him to my other children, they simply nodded. "Someone explain." I demanded.

"Bella seems to be a freshman at the college." Jasper stopped. I nodded to him to continue, but he didn't. I looked back at Emmett, hoping he would continue the explanation. He said nothing.

Deciding to take a different approach, I asked, "Where is Rosalie?"

This time it was Alice who replied. None of us had noticed her return to the present day. "She is taking Bella home, something happened."

"Is she alright?" Esme rushed out in panic. "What happened? Was Bella happy to see you? Do you think she will be okay if I visit? Why didn't you bring her back with you?" I placed a hand on her shoulder to cease her ramblings.

"Calm yourself Esme, I am sure all questions will be answered soon." I sent a glare towards the children clearly showing that they had better start talking soon or there would be trouble. "Let's start with what happened."

The three looked at each other, their eyes pleading not to be the one to explain. _Something bad must have happened._ Finally, Jasper nodded and turned to me.

"I don't really know what happened, you'll need to ask Rose the details." He took a deep unneeded breath. "I saw her about an hour before the others, but from a distance. I don't think she saw me. That's why I requested the family meeting." I nodded for him to continue. "We were preparing to come home when I think she spotted us across the parking lot. She said, 'oh crap' and then sort of passed out."

I saw him hesitate and look towards Emmett. "Just tell us, we won't be mad."

"It was my fault," Emmett said, "I panicked and forgot to act human."

 _Not another move, not so soon. Not if Bella was here. We had a chance to fix the family. We couldn't leave now._ I was broken out of my thoughts by Jasper.

"Luckily, no one noticed. The lot was pretty much empty, and no one was paying attention." I let out a woosh of air, silently thanking every deity for this small reprieve. "I held onto Alice while Rosalie dealt with Emmett. It was safest for Alice and I to stay back while Emmett was being possessive. We didn't need any lost limbs in the middle of school."

Alice looked to him relieved. "I thought you didn't want me getting involved with her," she whispered. "I didn't understand why you wouldn't let me help. Thank you."

He placed a gentle kiss to her forehead and continued the story. "Rosalie said she was having a seizure, but I don't know any more details about that. I was busy keeping tabs on the humans. She was out for about 10 seconds and then seemed pretty out of it. Rosalie said she was taking her back to her place and sent us back here."

"So, just so I understand, Bella is alive, and no one has been exposed." I looked to the family with longing in my eyes.

"That's right." Alice said. "I have been looking at the future. Both ours to check if someone saw us and Bella's. We are safe this time, though you really need to be more careful. I can't get a clear hold on Bella or Rosalie, its like trying to see your reflection through a clouded mirror. I saw her leave not long ago so she should be arriving soon." She was frustrated at the lack of clarity. I nodded towards her in thanks.

Turning to Esme I took her in my arms. "She's alive," she was whispering on repeat, her body heaving with dry sobs.

We all stood comforting each other, immersed in the feelings of hope and relief. I was sure that Jasper to some extent was projecting, but none of us called him out on it.

Rosalie arrived sometime later, none of us managed to speak before she started her explanations. "I put her to bed and waited for her team to arrive, she's fine." Tension I hadn't noticed building relaxed at these words.

"If she recognised me, she didn't give any inclination, I would say she was too out of it. I left her a note explaining what happened, that we were here and a number to call if she wants to talk to us. From the sight of her place, there is a lot going on that we don't know about."

She had walked over to Emmett and embraced him whilst talking. "We need to decide how we want to play this. If we are going, we need to leave soon. I am not prepared to give that poor girl hope if we aren't going to be sticking around."

I nodded. "What does everyone think? This needs to be a family decision."

"You can all do what you like, I'm not leaving her." Emmett said firmly. "She looked like hell."

Esme looked up sharply at those words. "What do you mean?" she asked terrified.

"She's sick Esme." Rosalie said.

I felt the woman in my arms collapse and tremble. Grief wracked her body as she processed her child once again being sick. Watching her first precious baby deteriorate had nearly killed her, I could only imagine the despair going through her mind now.

My brain flipped into medical mode, "Do we know what is wrong with her?"

"Only the basics. She has seizures and mobility problems. I didn't want to go snooping around her place."

"We could check her medical records." Alice suggested.

"No, we can't invade her privacy like that." I said sternly. However, much I wanted to know more I couldn't forget the fact that she had asked us to leave. "We need to wait and let her make the next decision."

* * *

**Bella**

_Damn,_ I thought to myself, slowly becoming more aware of my surroundings. _I did not need to have a fit on my first day. Charlie is going to kill me._

I slowly pulled myself up to a sit and took a mental check of myself. _All my limbs are intact._ _Nothing hurts, so I didn't break myself this time. Everything seems to be moving alright._ I started experimentally flexing my limbs.

 _Where am I?_ I looked around the room and recognised it as my bedroom. _How did I get here?_ Blinking my eyes clearer, I took notice of what I was wearing. _When did I put on pyjamas?_

Something funny was definitely happening here. It wasn't unusual for me to feel so disorientated, but it was still an experience I didn't like. I shook my head trying to remember what had happened.

I came up blank.

Reaching for my stick to stand up, I noticed a sheet of paper.

I grabbed it clumsily and unfolded it. Inside was handwriting I didn't recognise. The text was fuzzy, but I was able to make out the words.

_If you haven't already, drink the water._

I looked up, there it was, a full bottle of water sitting innocently on the side next to a plate of cookies. I glugged it down, grateful to whoever had left it here. When the bottle was empty, I took a cookie and nibbled on the corner as I continued to read.

_Appeared to be an atopic seizure lasting just under 9 seconds. I have informed your support team and they said they would be checking in on you._

_I'm sorry this happened, it must have been due to the stress of seeing us again. We need to talk. Call or text us when you feel able._

_Rosalie_

Underneath was a neatly scrawled list of number.

 _What the hell?_ I re-read the note, obviously I had missed something. It was clear as day, I didn't know anyone else with the name Rosalie and no human managed handwriting like that. _Did Rosalie put me to bed? She hates me!_

I was incredibly confused. Placing the note beside me on the bed, I put my head in my hands.

A knock on the door brought me back to awareness. "Yes?" I said. Liz walked in with a smile.

"I see you're awake, how you feeling?"

I could only stare and nod.

"You have one great friend." She said to me. At my look of confusion, she carried on. "I think she said her name was Rosalie Hale. She called me saying she had brought you back after you had a seizure on campus. Said she knew you from high school. Really knows what she's doing that kid." If she carried on speaking, I didn't hear it. This confirmed it. The Cullen's were here.

Liz noticed my panicked look. "Want to tell me what's going on?"

"I – I," why were words so difficult. Liz was eternally patient, she simply waited for me to find the right words. "I dated her brother in high school. He broke up with me and they all left without much notice; dad got a new job." I was trying to clear my mind enough to remember the cover story they had given, desperately hoping I wouldn't be blowing their current one.

"I haven't heard from them in nearly a year. I didn't think I would ever see them again."

She smiled and nodded at me. "That must have been quite a shock, no wonder this happened. You've only been asleep for an hour or so, Diana will be back in another hour and a half. I spoke to her."

I groaned, knowing that I was going to be in trouble. "She said you didn't look good when she walked you to the bus stop. You should have called us."

I looked down at the floor. "I know, I would have been alright if I hadn't seen them. It was just all the walking from the tour making me tired. I'm sorry, I'll make sure I phone next time."

"Good, we haven't called you parents or Dr Gardner yet, I'll leave that up to you. Is there anything I can do before I leave?"

"No thank you, I am alright here. I'll just have a quiet evening." She nodded and stood to leave.

"You know how to contact us if you need anything."

I waved her goodbye and sank back onto the bed with a groan. _This was NOT how today was meant to pan out._

_Why couldn't my life be easy for a change. Thank goodness they hadn't phoned dad yet; I would need to think of something to tell him. No way am I telling him or Jake that the Cullen's are around. They'll wrestle me onto a plane and lock me in my room. Why were the Cullen's even here? Was E – HE here?_

I needed answers.

Looking around for my mobile, I started to dial. It barely rang before someone picked up.

"Hello, Bella?" It was Rosalie. I found myself speechless. "It's alright, I understand this is a bit of a shock, we are equally as surprised."

"Ye."

"Before we get onto the heavy, are you alright? You were pretty out of it earlier."

So it had been her who put me to bed. Damn, why did they need to be nice?

"Yes, thank you for your help, you didn't need to."

"Of course, we did, besides I didn't mind. Everyone has missed you and would love to see you if you're up to it." _Did I want to see them? See him?_ "It's alright, I understand. Maybe some other time." She almost sounded disappointed.

"I have questions," I blurted out.

"I am sure that you do, we would be happy to answer them for you. We have some questions we would like to as too if you are amenable."

My brain was starting to reel, getting overloaded with possibilities and questions and confusion. She must have heard my breathing increase because she said, "Calm down, that won't help anything."

"Why are you being nice to me?" _Crap didn't mean to say that out loud._

"That is a long story, but I can get someone else if you'd feel more comfortable." I mumbled a quick no and she continued "How do you feel about meeting some of us to sit and talk? You can choose who, where and when. You don't need to decide now, just drop us a text or a call or let us know in the hallways."

"Okay." I knew I was being rude, but my ability to process and reply coherently had disappeared.

"We will wait for you then. Just a heads up, the family are rather excited to see you again, I will try to keep a rein on Emmett, but you know what he's like. If he bothers you, or any of the others, let me know." Her concern seemed genuine, had I fallen into a strange alternate reality? Had I hit my head hard in the fall? Maybe I was dead!

"Are you real?" _Again, why did I say that out loud?_

She laughed slightly and said, "Yes, we are very real. I'm going to leave you to process everything." She paused for a moment and I heard whispering in the background. "Esme asks if she can bring you anything."

"No thanks, Diana will be home soon, we can sort it together."

"Alright, feel free to call any time, even if it is just to chat or check in that we are real." _Rosalie made a joke?!_ "Bye Bella."

I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at the screen bewildered. _This was not what I had predicted when imagined my first day._

**Thank you for reading, please review. Massive thanks to all those positive reviews from the last chapter, it really made my day.**

**Next chapter will be the big reunion and discussion! You will all find out where Edward is too.**


	8. Chapter 8

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Rosalie**

"Do you think Bella is alright?" Emmett asks me one evening.

I sighed and rolled over to look at him. The initial spark of life the family experienced when we found out about Bella had been short lived when she had started avoiding us. It was now two weeks into the school year, and we had scarcely heard from her.

We currently had the house to ourselves, so I hoped he would start to open up to me.

"I am sure she has a good reason."

Emmett sighed, I could feel the tension in his body and wished I could help. Not only was she avoiding us, Carlisle wouldn't let us hack any information to find out if she was alright. We had worked out her school schedule and tried to bump into her as many times as we could during the school day, but other than a quick hello she didn't reply. Even the handful of texts we had exchanged were brief and without emotion.

"Maybe she is struggling with the settling into school. The workload must be a strain on her. Adapting you know." It was a lousy excuse, but I was desperately trying to sooth him.

"Ye, maybe." He didn't sound like he believed me. "I miss her."

We all missed her. It had been hard work keeping Esme from approaching her. She cooked food and tried to give it to us to pass on. She is such an incredible mother and we can all tell the strain being unable to look after Bella is placing on her.

Alice was still unable to see her. This was starting to ware her down. We had expected Alice to be an unstoppable force, but in reality, she seemed awkward and unsure. Something we hadn't expected from the pixie. Jasper was concerned, we had spoken on a hunt a few nights.

Deciding to try a different tactic, I rolled out of bed.

"Where you going?" Emmett asked me, he had apparently been enjoying the cuddle time.

"I'll be back in a moment," I said, "Just wait here."

I ran downstairs to my bag. Although I keep up with the times, especially in terms of cars, I don't feel the need to be attached to my mobile all the time. Taking it out, I send off a text to Bella. Included in the text are the phone numbers for the rest of the family.

It wasn't something I was proud of, but I hadn't been as welcoming of Bella ask, I could have been back in Forks. Maybe she felt awkward with me. I refuse to let my family suffer because of my jealousy.

Running back up to bed, I lay back down in his waiting arms. Nothing had been solved, we were no further forward, but sharing always had a calming effect on my husband. Tonight, we just needed each other's company.

It was nice, relaxed and peaceful. At dawn, everyone started trickling back into the house, so we took this as our cue to get up for school. At this stage most of us were only going with the hope of seeing Bella.

I stood under the warm shower head simply enjoying the feeling. It wasn't the same as when we were human, we didn't have sore muscles to soothe and we didn't feel the same relaxation. It's one of the many human activities that I miss.

Sighing, after a good half an hour under the spray, I got out and prepared for the day. As a vampire, there isn't much to do. We can't brush teeth, no breakfast, everything is done at lightning speed, it's amazing how something so simple which humans find a frustration could be missed so much.

Alice had an early lesson that morning, so Jasper had driven with her to school and Carlisle had left for work, so it was quiet when I arrived back downstairs.

Emmett had the TV on, not properly watching it, just staring. I sat down opposite him and pulled out my phone, checking for messages. Surprisingly, there was a reply from Bella. Checking the time stamp, it had arrived not long after I had sent it. What Bella was doing up gone midnight, I didn't know, but I hoped it wasn't due to illness.

_Why do you even care? Gotten bored without your pet and want it back, well I am sorry to say I'm not interested._

What did that mean? Something must be amiss, when did any of our family ever refer to her as a pet? I couldn't help but wonder if the story Edward gave us a year ago was a true account. Surely, he wouldn't have lied to us.

Unease was starting to fill me, if he had been lying to us, that would have explained the guilt that Jasper had felt but been unable to place.

_Please, just meet with one of us. We need to discuss what happened. What about Carlisle at the park near you? He is off all weekend. ~ R_

Hopefully she wouldn't feel too pressured by this, but it was clear that we needed to find out more information.

* * *

**Bella**

"I've told you; everything here is good." Jake was rambling on, he seemed convinced that I was hiding something. Obviously, I am hiding something, but he can't know that. Telling any of them about the Cullen's would be a disaster. They would drag me back to Forks.

_"If you say so, how are the lessons going? They suitably challenging enough?"_

I laughed, another thing they didn't need to know about. As far as they were concerned, I had flown through the last two weeks of school with no issues at all. That wasn't the case. I was struggling to keep up in class, my memory not storing the information for long enough. The physical demands of travel, moving around campus and looking after the house was also adding a lot of strain. Avoiding Cullen's wasn't taking the pressure off either.

"Much more my level, it is nice to have friends that I can have an intelligent conversation with." I knew I was avoiding his question and he was likely to notice, but I couldn't bare lying to me. He had been my rock through so much and I owed him better.

_"Just make sure you look after yourself Bells. The whole pack misses you. I had to help Seth with grammar homework the other day."_

"Oh no, that's not good. I didn't even know you knew what grammar was!"

 _"Ye, joke all you want, but I am not as much of an airhead as you all seem to think. Cut me some slack."_ I loved the easy banter that I could have with Jacob. He cared but also knew, most of the time, when to lay off. _"I'd better go, you need your beauty sleep."_

"Thanks Dad," I scoffed at him, "Talk soon, reassure Charlie that all is good, he seems worried."

_"I'll tell him all's good when I know that all's good, sleep well Bells."_

We hung up. It was true that it was getting late. Sleep was a struggle lately. After getting in from a morning of lessons, I just needed to sleep, but sleeping all afternoon left me wide awake in the evening. Unfortunately, the lack of sleep at night meant I was exhausted before I left in the morning.

"Erugh!" I complained throwing the pillow over my head. I had some sleeping pills I could use if I needed them, but I hated how groggy they made me feel and the false rest.

Getting up, I decided to make myself some warm milk and honey. It was a trick that one of the tribe elders had taught me. A warm calm drink and breathing exercises. It was hit and miss, but I was running out of ideas for tonight.

I was careful moving around the house, Diana was asleep, and I didn't want to be responsible for waking her up. Opting for the hob instead of the microwave, really, they need to build a mute button for the ending beep, I set it to warm.

A few minutes later, the milk was ready, and I settled myself on the couch. The warm mug in my hands helped me relax. Slowly, I started inhaling the sweet aroma. Thinking about the ocean, I started to take control of my breathing. In, hold, out, hold. In, hold, out, hold. I had spent so much time at the la push beach that imagining the waves came as second nature.

I allowed myself to be lulled into easy relaxation. I wasn't sleepy, but at least some of the tension was starting to lessen. After a while, the breathing pattern became second nature and I didn't need to think about it anymore.

I simply sat. I could hear the sound the waves made in my mind. The crash as it breaks the shoreline and then the shish as it's pulled back. The way each of the waves synchronise themselves to create patterns of music. I imagined the rocks underneath me and the cold spray on my face. The smell of salt. It was almost like I was there.

My drink had long since finished, but I didn't care. I was in my brain was in its safe space. A space free from stress and worry.

I nearly cursed when a beep broke me out of my stupor. Blinking, I gazed around at the room, trying to determine what had made the noise. Everything was still. The room dark except for the warm glow from the lamp. Glancing down, I checked my phone.

_It would be great if we could catch up soon. I've attached the other's numbers in case you want to arrange something with them. ~ R_

Immediately, the stress and worries of the day hit me like a truck. My muscles tensed, mind became fatigued and I was incredibly irritated. What was she even doing messaging me at this time?! Sure, they don't sleep, but I should be.

Fuming, I stormed into the kitchen forgetting my resolve to be quiet. I roughly washed the now cold dishes and left them on the draining rack. All the time I was angrily muttering to myself about stupid vampires. I subconsciously hoped that I hadn't woken Diana and if I had that she hadn't heard my ramblings, but it didn't occur to me to be quiet.

Stalking back to my phone, I picked it up and looked again at the message. Sending off a bitter response, I left it on the side and went to my room. Last thing I needed was to start an argument at this time of night.

Closing the door harder than I had intended, I turned and leant my back against it.

"You're not good for me Bella." I heard his words replaying in my mind. "We won't bother you again." Lies! "Time heals all wounds for your kind." More lies!

I didn't cry. I didn't shout. I didn't even move. I sat on the floor for hours. I felt like I did that night of the cliff. The desperation for the feeling of freedom.

I was trapped, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't tell anyone how I was feeling. They would all overreact; they'd find out about everything else I have been hiding. No, telling wasn't an option. I had to find a way to fix this on my own.

Sighing, I get up and make my way back to bed. Glancing at the clock, I start in surprise. The bright lights show clearly the time. 08:20. The clock must be wrong. Looking over at the window, I see for a fact that it isn't. It is light outside.

Damn, I'd better get ready or I'm going to be late.

Hurrying to get dressed, I am out of the door quickly. I need to run, or as much of a run as I am capable of, in order to get to the bus on time, but thankfully I make it.

From there, the rest of the morning is a rush. Forgoing breakfast means that by second lesson my stomach is growling, and a headache is starting to develop. Halfway through, I give up and ask to leave. I needed to find something to eat otherwise I'll be in trouble.

Making my way out of the classroom, I walk slowly to the college café. It isn't fancy, but they have plenty of sweet things for me to eat and I could get myself something warm to drink. Caffeine was a no go so coffee was out, but some tea would be nice. I sit on one of the sofas in the corner, out of sight to anyone unless they were looking for me.

I take out my phone for the first time that morning and see another message from Rosalie. Why won't they just give up and leave me alone?! It wasn't what I was expecting. Not that I really knew what to expect after such a rude message, but it definitely wasn't that.

Carlisle sounds like a good idea. He at least knows how to listen without crowding.

Deciding I don't want to speak to any of them unnecessarily, I contact Carlisle directly. I doubted that he really wanted to see me, but I would humour their game for a while, if it got them off my case. Maybe they would realise I'm still just a distraction and leave again.

Is that what I wanted? Did I want them to leave? To never see them again.

I couldn't answer any of those questions.

Almost immediately Carlisle replied saying he would be happy to meet me the following morning. He suggested 9 and offered me a life. I agreed to the time but declined the lift. Being stuck in a car with him was not a pleasurable idea. No, the park is close enough that I can walk without too many issues, it's also on the bus route if I need another way back.

I put my phone away and pulled out the work from the lesson. It didn't seem difficult, so I worked my way through the information sheet we had been given, hoping I would be able to catch up what was missed.

* * *

_This was a stupid idea!_ I thought to myself as I trudged down the path towards the park. _Why did I ever agree to meet them? They're just going to mess with my heart and dump me again. Charlie and Jake will kill me if they find out._

Too late now though, far too late to back out. I am sure he already knows how close I am. _Damn vampire senses._

Taking a deep breath, I walk over to the bench I can see him sat on. It's awkward, he barely looked at me as I sat down and placed my stick on the floor. It would have been more sensible to bring my frame, but I refused to appear weaker than I needed to. Except in exceptional circumstances, I would not use the frame.

"Hello Bella." He finally turned to look at me and I saw the angst in his eyes. What did that mean? Was he here to tell me they were leaving again? Was he going to insist that I leave? Why would he look so broken? This man was a steadfast calm individual.

"Hi," I replied nervously.

I was sitting as far away from him as the bench offered, but it didn't feel far enough.

"Please don't be nervous, I just want to talk." I nod at him and he continues. "Would you like to start? Or I can? Whichever makes you feel more comfortable."

I deliberate for a moment and say, "You can start, your meeting after all." I knew my voice was cold, but I didn't seem able to make it any more friendly.

He frowned at me and started talking. "Well as you know, we left Forks on your request and came here. We've been here ever since…" I looked up at him sharply, shocked by his statement.

"What do you mean?" My voice was shaking. "My request?"

"After what happened with Jasper, you understandably asked us to leave."

I could only stare at him. What on earth was he talking about.

"I never asked you to leave," I whispered.

It was his turn to look confused. "Edward said that you insisted we leave and didn't get involved with your life again. He said you threatened to expose us." My breathing was raising. I was starting to feel flushed. _Edward had lied to them? Had lied to me?_ My mind was whirling with confusion and questions. "From your response, this wasn't what happened?"

"No."

He waited for me to continue, but I didn't. "Could you tell me your version of events?"

His voice was calm again, he must have noticed my panic and was trying to help me calm down.

"H – He took me into the woods and told me how he felt. He didn't want me anymore. I was just a distraction. I'm not good for you all." I felt sick saying those words aloud. Why was I here, I shouldn't be getting involved with them, making their lives complicated again.

"Breathe Bella." Carlisle's hand touched my shoulder and I flinched. "None of that is true. You were the best thing that happened to our family and we have been broken without you."

I focused on my breathing, barely hearing the soothing words of nothingness coming from next to me. "That's it Bella, you're doing great."

Finally, I was back in control of myself. "Sorry," I mumbled.

"No need, do you want a moment." I nodded and he sat back against the bench the impression of relaxation. His hand didn't move, but I didn't shrug it off. It felt nice.

I took some time to collect my thoughts. I might not be able to make sense of them at the moment, but I could at least put them in order, maybe colour code them. Sighing, I looked up at him and nodded again, showing I was happy to continue.

"Can you tell me about what happened after we left? Then I can fill you in on the rest."

I breathed in deeply and let it out slowly, preparing myself for the story.

I told him about my zombie days. The way I was detached from reality barely eating and screaming all night with nightmares. I admitted to how low I was in myself and how I didn't feel able to carry on alone. I told him about how Charlie had threatened to send me to live with Rene and I had dragged myself up acting human. I told him about meeting Jacob, how things improved for a while, how we had fixed the motorbikes together. How he had also abandoned me. The grief when my world collapsed yet again. I told him about finding out about the wolf pack, the problems with Laurent and Victoria.

"The wolves managed to kill both of them, but Victoria managed to get to Harry. He was Charlie's best friend. I didn't know anything had happened."

I went on to explain the day of the cliff, the way I had heard his voice. I told him about the hospital, the recovery, about how much life had changed after that stupid decision. I told him about all of the medical details, the way Jacob and Charlie had supported me.

"Renee didn't come down; she was busy with Phil and didn't seem very interested. Sue stepped up and helped me, but it wasn't the same. She was doing it out of obligation. She loved me but had recently lost her husband. The relationship was cold." Throughout my story, my voice was cold. It was like someone else was using my body and I was simply watching them. I was detached.

"We should never have left," Carlisle said softly. "We have no right to ask for your forgiveness. You've been through immense hardship due to our family's actions and I apologise most profusely. I'm so sorry Bella. I will do anything I can to make it up to you."

I looked up at his face. _Does that mean they are staying?_ The question must have been written on my face.

"Yes, we will stay." He squeezed my shoulder and I let out a woosh of air in relief. "There are some things that I need to tell you if you are happy to listen."

"Of course."

"I feel I need to impress onto you how much my son lied to you that night. I am sure you are aware that he lied to us also. We wouldn't have left had we known. The last year has been difficult for us also. The spirit in everyone went out. It was like being around corpses. We kept up appearances, but behind closed doors there was nothing. No life."

I gasped; they were really torn up over this. Over me. I listened as Carlisle told me about how each of the family had responded. I was shocked to hear that even Jasper and Rosalie had changed; they had never given me the indication they cared much. Jasper maybe in the hotel, but definitely not Rosalie.

"A month after we moved here, Edward decided to leave the family for a while to go traveling. Esme called him often, worrying about him, but after a while he stopped answering. We haven't heard from him in several months now."

It was only now that I noticed that E… HE had been missing from school. How had I not noticed that.

"When we lost contact, I asked Alice to check on you, thinking maybe he had gone back. But she couldn't see you. You completely disappeared from all of her visions. We thought you were dead." His words were laced with sorrow. They had grieved deeply for me. "You're alive though. You have no idea how much of a shock that gave us all."

I didn't know what to say. He had lied to me. He had lied to his family. He was missing.

"I'm sorry for causing such a rift in your family."

He placed his hand under my chin and moved my face to look at him. "This is not your fault. Do not blame yourself." I could see in his eyes that he meant those words, but I didn't know if I should believe him. Maybe they were playing with me.

Deciding to throw caution, I wrapped my arms around him. He immediately returned my embrace and held me for several minutes. Repeating his words to me. I tried to believe them, I really did, I just couldn't. I felt numb inside, like the lights had gone from the world.

He pulled away slightly and held me at arm's length. "It's getting on, you must be starting to get cold." I took a check of myself and realise I had indeed started to shiver. "It's only 3, would you like to come back to ours for a while? I know everyone would like to see you."

I bit my lip. Was I ready to see everyone? To forgive them. Was it a good idea to trust them all again? I could hear Jake screaming in the back of my mind to tell them to leave again, but I couldn't. They were the family I had always dreamed off.

Carlisle sensing my discomfort continued, "Or any other time. There isn't any rush until you are ready." I smiled at him and muttered a thanks. "Are you alright getting home? I can give you a ride if you'd like."

Once again ignoring my sensible head, I replied, "That would be nice."

**Thank you for reading, please review to let me know what you think.**


	9. Chapter 9

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Esme**

We all knew as soon as Carlisle arrived home that something had happened. He looked shaken in a way I hadn't seen him look before. It scared me.

"We made a terrible mistake." I watched as he staggered, leaning on the door frame to hold himself up.

The family, who had been waiting with me, were incredibly unsure. This was a side of their coven leader they weren't normally shown. He was a private man not often willing to show any weakness.

I rushed over, offering my arms for comfort. He collapsed into them and shook with dry sobs. His face was pressed deep into my neck and I gently lowered us to the floor. I gather him closer in my arms and wait.

Experience has taught me that the best thing to do in these situations is to simply wait. I don't say anything, I don't move. I simply sit and wait. When he is ready, he will explain everything.

A while later his movements still. He lifts his head and looks me in the eye.

I press my lips gently to his, showing that I still love him. At times like this I know that he struggled with his upbringing. He should be strong, independent and shouldn't rely on anyone else. Times have changed considerably.

We didn't move, I watched as he opened and closed his mouth several times. It was several minuets before he finally whispered, "He lied to us."

Everyone sucked in a sharp gasp. "Stay where you are," I said to them. I knew how reactive my children could be, and they needed to know all of the facts first.

I took his hand, helping him to stand and slowly guide him to one of the love seats. His movements were stiff and strained, showing how deep his despair went. Hopefully he wouldn't shut down again when he realised that his children had seen that moment of weakness.

"Sweetheart," I cupped his cheek, moving his face to look at me, "Who lied?"

"Edward. She didn't ask us to leave." He pulled away from my hand and curled himself in a ball facing away from us all. As leader of this family, he held himself responsible for all of our actions. "We put her through hell."

There it was, the reason for his self-hatred. I placed my hand on his back, hoping to give him some comfort, however hard it was, he would need to give us the rest of the story. I thought I felt my heart break when he shrugged it off. It had been decades since he had refused my comfort.

"Don't," he snapped.

I looked over at the family briefly, needing to do something helpful. They all looked horrified. Whether it was from the revelation about Edward or Carlisle's behaviour, I didn't know. I hoped it was the former.

I smiled at them all, hoping to offer some reassurance. "Can you give us a moment? Don't do anything stupid." They looked at each other, unsure. "It's alright, you can stay in the house. Just give us some space."

In pairs, they left the room reluctantly. I nodded as Jasper looked back at me in the doorframe. How stupid for me to forget about his empathy, he must have been able to feel my anxiety. "We'll be alright." He nods and leaves.

I stand up from the love seat, where Carlisle is still curled away from me, and stand in front of it looking down at him.

"I'm not doing this again Carlisle." I try to keep the emotion out of my voice, I need to be strong and clear. "I will support you in any way I can, but I won't watch you shut yourself down and allow this to destroy you. Not again."

He doesn't respond.

"Whatever has happened, we can fix, but you need to let us in. You are scaring your family. Snap out of it!" My shout starts to get his attention. He starts to turn to me, lifeless eyes stare at me.

"We have wrecked that poor girl's life, its my fault, I dragged our family across the country when she was fighting for her life because of our action."

"This is not your fault Carlisle." He scoffs and turns away from me yet again. "I mean it. I may not know the details, but the consequences of any action based on deliberate misinformation are the responsibility of the informant."

I know he won't take my words on board right now; he is stuck in a loop of self-destruct where he is holding all of the blame. So, I am surprised when he unfolds himself and starts talking. He explains everything that Bella had said to him.

At one point in the story I hear a loud bang from upstairs along with lots of shouting, but I refuse to get distracted.

"How could our son put our family through this?" He asks broken. "Put her through this? Surely, he would have known what this would have done to her. Why did we believe him so blindly? We need to fix this Esme. That poor girl. She considered us family and we left her without a word."

"I don't have the answers. And you cannot fix this alone. Our family needs you, we need you to be strong for the moment." I watch as he carefully collects himself, hiding all the broken pieces behind his usually calm exterior.

I nod my head upstairs, to where I know the rest of the family are waiting, listening in. My face holds the question, is he ready for them to join us.

"Come on down." Although he speaks softly, everyone in the house can hear.

He has barely finished talking when 4 people appear. All of them are angry, but Emmett is vibrating in fury. "We need to find the fucker and bash his head in."

"Language Emmett," I correct automatically.

"He's right, we should be ripping him apart for this." This time it was Jasper who spoke. Why was the boy's solution to everything always killing?

"I'll help," Alice added, her glare murderous.

"We aren't killing anyone," Carlisle interrupted. "We don't even know where he is, unless someone is hiding something." When everyone shook their heads, he continued. "I'm more worried about Bella at the moment. She is so alone and struggling."

"Did you find out more about her medical condition?" Rosalie asked him.

Carlisle furrowed his brow, a look of pain. "Yes. There are some serious chronic conditions, but none of them are immediately life threatening. I might be able to help further, I would hate to give her hope without having seen her file for the exact details though. It isn't her physical state that worries me, it's her mental. She spoke so detached. No emotion. No responses. It was like talking to a robot."

The conversation continued for some time. We discussed ways of helping Bella, simple things like offering her a ride to school to save her getting the bus. It would need to be a careful balancing act, if we pushed our help on her too hard, we would likely drive her away. We all know how stubborn she is and how much she hates people doting on her.

"Umm, mum," Emmett said looking incredibly sheepish, "I may have thrown Edwards piano out of the upstairs window."

So that was the noise I'd heard earlier. I scowled at him. He knows how much I hate having to fix the house every time they break it. We should start buying doors in bulk to save money, not that it really matters.

I ask him to clean up and I arrange the delivery of the needed supplies. It's as I am checking out that my phone pings.

_Can we meet?_

I don't recognise the sender, so assume it's Bella.

_I'd love to, how about a coffee? You can choose when and where. Esme_

It's getting rather late, so I don't expect a response for a while, but am surprised when I get a response almost instantly.

_Can we just go for a drive?_

_Just us?_

_Soonish?_

From the multiple messages, I can tell she is nervous about asking. Poor dear. To be asking this late must mean something is wrong. I don't even hesitate in replying.

_I'll be right over._

"I'm going to head out for a while, be back later." I say to Carlisle as I collect my purse. "Can I borrow your car?"

He stands, handing me the keys and placing a kiss on my forehead. "Look after her." Of course, he would know where I'm going. He hands me a piece of paper. I look at it in confusion. "Her address." Thank goodness someone is thinking! I had completely forgotten that I hadn't been there before.

It doesn't take me long to reach the correct place. She is sitting on the porch in the cold. When she see's me she stands up and moves stiffly towards the car. Her gaze is fixed on the ground, but I can see that something isn't right.

I'm pained to see her struggling. Her reliance on a cane for simple tasks. Her jaunty, painful movements. Her stick thin structure. The mother in me longs to scoop her up and hide her away from the world. To keep her safe from everyone including herself.

I'd felt my heart break when Carlisle had told me about her jumping from the cliff. Looking at her now, I couldn't help but be eternally thankful of my husband for saving me. I wouldn't have had the resolve to get up and keep fighting like this incredible young woman had.

She opened the door and sat down without even looking at me. My other children may not need support like this, but I knew that she did. She needed a mother.

I pull away and drive out of town slowly. The whole family loves speed, including me, but that wasn't needed right now.

It is as we reach one of the main highways that she breaks. Heart wrenching sobs that wrack throughout her. Gasping breaths.

I open the glove compartment and pull out the small packet of tissues I know Carlisle keeps there. I had them to her. She pulls one out and blows her nose noisily. I place my hand on her knee reassuringly and continue to drive.

I can't help but wonder when she last allowed herself to feel these emotions. To allow herself to break in a safe space. How long had she held in all of this hurt?

From my knowledge, she was the responsible adult with her mother. She ran the home, took care of everything, kept her safe. Life was very similar with Charlie except he was more independent. Until we came into her life had she ever had someone look after her? It was something I had asked myself many times, but this time it hurt. We were the ones that had hurt her this time.

It was a long time before her sobs started to stop. I continued to drive. The tank was nearly full, so I didn't need to worry about stopping. If this was what she needed to feel comfortable, I could provide this.

I could see that she was desperately wiping her eyes, embarrassed by the show of emotion. She was trying to collect all the broken pieces and build them up to resemble something similar to a Bella.

"We've got time," I said simply as I squeezed her knee gently.

She started crying yet again. However, much it hurt, letting it out would help her massively.

Her warm hand slowly moves inside mine and holds on. I wonder if she is using it as a lifeline. Her fingers are going white with the strain of holding on.

"Thank you."

I just gently squeeze her hand in response.

We had been driving for well over an hour when she finally settled. She must be exhausted. Not only is it late, but it's been an incredibly trying day for her. "Would you like to head home?"

She shakes her head, looking firmly out of the front window. "I don't want to be alone," she whispers, "My head keeps going to a dark place and I get stuck." The admission is hard for her to say out loud. Something I remembered.

"We can keep driving, do you want to talk?"

"I don't really know what there is to say." She seemed so unsure and scared. Maybe I could get her talking with something easy. Something safe.

"Why not tell me about your roommate? What are they like?"

She snaps her head around to look at me. Apparently, that wasn't expected. "Umm, well she's alright. She's called Diana. Bit shy and an art student." She laughs to herself. "Actually, she has this fascination with the supernatural. Wish I could tell her how accurate her drawings are. I might ask to buy her wolf for Jake, nearly a spitting image."

"That sounds good, some people just have a flare for seeing the unseen. Are you both settled in?" I'm trying to keep the topics light for her.

"Mostly, we have got a good routine going, just not easy ya know. Support on site is great, but it isn't the same as being around family."

Well light topics weren't happening. Her life must be incredibly difficult. She was facing difficulted that I struggled to imagine. "It must be very hard. If there is anything, I can do let me know. Or any of us." She stiffened. Poor dear was really struggling. Her self-worth was almost entirely gone.

"Thanks, maybe, umm. I don't know."

"You don't need to answer now. The option is just there if you ever need it. Even if it is just a trip to the shops. You know how I love getting out, it's something the others get to enjoy all the time, but I miss out on."

"Alright." She stopped talking and we fell into another silence.

It was broken abruptly by her strangled gasp of "he lied to me" and another flood of tears.

I decided that this time I couldn't sit and watch. I pulled over into a layby and gathered the wheeping girl in my arms, much like I had done with Carlisle early that same day. Her arms went quickly around my neck and she sobbed harder.

Her distraught ramblings were impossible to decipher, but that didn't matter. At some point, her cries turned to screams as her mind processed all of the information. Each scream tore through me like a knife. She just clung to my neck.

I will fix this. We would not leave her until she has her spirit back. We would not leave this incredible child broken and alone. Not again.

Finally, she starts to calm and her breathing even out. She's fallen asleep.

As gently as I can, I move her back onto the passenger seat and start up the engine. Driving smoothly, I return to her house. Not once does she stir.

I look at her face, trying to decide what to do. It is very early hours so no one is around, I could easily take her in to bed unnoticed, but would she want me in her space? Was I welcome?

Deciding that she looked far too peaceful to be woken, I checked her bag for the keys. I found them quickly and moved to open the front door. Attached to the key is a small fob with the number 2. Thankfully I wouldn't need to guess which room and risk waking her roommate.

I returned to the car and lifted her careful. She was far too light. Far too fragile. I close the door but don't bother locking it. If needed, it would lock itself. As I lift her, her hands grab onto my top in a death grip. Poor girl was terrified of being alone, even in her sleep.

We move into the house, closing the front door softly behind us. Opening room 2, I lay her on top of the covers. I had intended to change her clothes and make her comfortable, but she wouldn't let go. Sighing, I removed both our shoes and burrowed under the blankets.

"I'll stay, just relax." I doubted she would be able to hear me, but I couldn't help but wish that as the night went on, she would find some comfort.

All night I lay with her. I stroked her hair as her sleep became fitful and hummed gently.

**Thank you for reading, let me know what you thought.**


	10. Chapter 10

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Bella**

"You need to speak to Liz." Diana wouldn't let this go! "She isn't being fair, and you deserve better. Stop putting yourself down."

"It really doesn't matter. Just drop it already." I stuffed the sandwich in my mouth hoping it will get me out of continuing the conversation.

It had been a horrible morning. First, I was late getting up. I must have been utterly exhausted to sleep through my alarm for an hour. A whole hour! Not only that, but because of how long it takes me to get anything done, my morning routine is already as short as it can be. The only way to make up time had been to skip pretty much everything. It was a decision I regretted fairly early, but I had been desperate.

Then, holding onto the front door handle, I had an absence. Not just one either by the seems of it. They lasted just long enough for me to miss the main bus to the campus. Stupid! Why does life have to be so damn difficult?! Managed to get the next bus, but it didn't stop in the same place. It circled the building leaving a big walk.

I'd managed to make it to that lesson, but the teacher – who I refer to as the Wicked Witch of the West – was not happy. She's an ancient woman who stands and talks at us. She teaches the driest subject too, intro to technical writing.

It could be interesting if we studied semi decent texts or wrote to interesting briefs. Better still, she could teach in a way that I am able to access.

I'd missed all of the introduction and spent the remaining 2 hours desperately trying to catch up.

"It does matter. If a teacher were treating me like that, would you be letting me ignore it." I made to answer automatically with a no, but from Diana's raised eyebrow I thought about it.

"I guess not," I mumbled, "But it really is only one teacher. The rest are great."

"So… Liz?" She sees my reluctance. "What is it that's causing the issue?"

Do I tell her the real answer? The answer that I'm scared of everyone finding out how little I'm coping? That I don't want anyone to remind me this had been a big mistake?

"I dunno, just drop it."

"Fine, I'll drop it if you promise to at least consider speaking to Liz. She's on your side."

Thankfully, she doesn't mention it again.

"How's everything else going? You've barely been around the last few days."

"Not bad. Some of my old friends are here. Had no idea that they'd be here, not sure how I feel about them being around."

That grabs her attention. Diana may be shy, but she loves gossip. She is one of those people who is never seen to socialise but always knows everything about everyone. It's scary sometimes.

"Any interesting juice there?" She's resting her elbows on the table, her hands supporting her head, staring me right in the eye.

"Nothing much." Why did I even bring this up? I really wasn't in the mood to talk about them. "I dated their younger brother for a few years. He isn't here though."

"Oh come on, you've got to give me more than that!"

"There isn't much more to say." Because really, what was there I could actually say? I am a terrible liar.

I'd had the same problem when talking about Jacob and the pack. There had been many slips ups where I'd used nonnormal wording and had to try and talk my way out of it. She was incredibly perceptive.

I took another bite of my sandwich. Then another. She got the idea that I wasn't going to be giving her anymore details.

"You know," she said, "there's a party tonight. Most of the art lot are going. We haven't been to one yet. Do you think we should try them?"

I stared at her in utter disbelief. Diana, the shy with new people, preferring to be alone with a sketch pad, was asking if I wanted to go to a party?!

"Umm, not sure." I'm getting nervous. I have been trying really hard to build up more of a relationship with her, but this is just too much out of my comfort zone. I'm not convinced it would even be safe. "I don't think it's my sort of scene."

"Oh," darn, I've disappointed her, "I guess I can find someone from my course. Just would have been nice for the two of us to, ya know."

Now what? Erugh, this was just another thing to add to my list of "stresses of the day". "I'll think about it, but no promises," I say sternly.

"This is going to be so great! I know you've only got one more class today, and everything I have after that is ditchable. So why don't we meet here to go shopping?" So much for not getting her hopes up. Shopping was something I doubted I would ever learn to love.

"I don't think I'd make it through a party if I've been shopping before-hand. Maybe you should think about going without me. Really, I won't be much fun."

"Nope, I'll pick something up for you if you need it?" I shook my head, there must be something party worthy in my closet. "Great, you go home and rest. Then we'll be all set for tonight."

"I said I'd think about going, Diana, that wasn't a yes."

"Where are we going?" Emmett plonked himself down onto another chair at the table.

I give him a dumbfounded stare. What on earth is he doing here?

I must have been gawking because he waves his hand in front of my face. "Earth calling Bella. Bella come in?"

"Ye, I'm fine. You can stop waving now." I brush his hand away. "She is trying to talk me into some party tonight."

Diana has gone suddenly very quiet.

"Ooo, I love a good party!" He shouts. "I was just waiting for Rosie to finish and saw you guys hanging."

Was he being serious? Well I suppose after the weekend, he might think we are back to how we used to be. You know, that whole thing with his "mother" disappearing for the whole night. I don't even know what she told them. Erugh, how embarrassing! I hope she didn't tell them details of what happened.

I'd been mortified when I woke up in Esme's arms. She was softly humming to me in a way I had wished Renee would have done as a child. Actually, I wished that Renee has acted more like Esme in general. She actually supported me, rather than dragging me around joining in with crazy activities. Thankfully, she had left without a comment on my scorching blush or the previous night's events. She'd just hugged me and said to call if I ever needed anything.

Emmett however did comment. "Don't worry about it Bells, she didn't tell us anything. Didn't even tell Carlisle in the house, if she told him at all."

Did he ever act like a normal human? How had he not exposed the entire family.

He paused for a moment, looking at me expectantly. "Soooo…." He drawled, "gonna introduce me?"

I shook myself, trying to make my brain work.

"Ye, this is Diana. She's my house mate. Diana, this is Emmett, one of those old friends I didn't want to talk about earlier."

I had hoped it would reanimate her. She was a great friend, but it was difficult to know what to do when she shut down around unknown people. Especially when it was already awkward.

"Hi." Emmett offered her hand.

There was something funny about the way she looked at his hand, then his face, then back at her lunch with her body turned away from him. Surely, she didn't know what he was.

"No worries, don't know where it's been anyway." Great save Emmett! "Are you going to go to this party?"

"I said I'd think about it. Are you going?" That could make the decision easy for me. I did not want to be at a party, I especially didn't want to be at any party with Cullen's attending.

"Awe, it's sweet of you to ask, but if I go with anyone it'll be Rose." He's laughing at his own joke, so I smack him on the shoulder. Big mistake. I'd forgotten how much of a cultural shift being around vampires required.

"No, answer the actual question."

"Fine, I wasn't planning to, but I'm happy to give you both a ride if you want to. Just let me know later, you've got my number."

He hesitates for a few moments; I can see from his face he wants to ask something else. "Just spit it out Emmett." I really didn't have the patience for him today.

"Well, I was wondering if you'd umm, you know, like to meet up or something." He's rubbing the back of his neck now. "It can be just us, or we can invite the others, or you can come too if you want Diana, it's just been so long. I've missed you."

He's missed me? After all this time. Now was not the time for such thoughts, I didn't need to battle with strong emotions.

"I think I'd like that." What?! Did I really just say that? My mouth really needs to communicate with my brain, not just the heart, before it speaks.

Could I admit, even to myself, that I was desperate for them back in my life? Could I stand that rejection again?

"Woo!" He exclaims a little too loudly causing the people nearby to look over at us. "I saw that it's coming to the end of the paddle boat season on the lake. Thought it could be fun. What do you think?"

He had really thought this through.

"Sounds good. I'll need a ride though."

"No problems at all, as you know, we have a wide selection of suitable vehicles. You sort the who, and I'll do everything else." He lifts his arms as though he was about to hug me. At my backwards flinch, he dropped them again, his face glum. "Well, I had better go. See you around. Nice to meet you Diana."

Wow, Diana. I had completely forgotten she was sitting with us. How rude of me!

"Sorry about that," I mutter, "It's been a while."

She doesn't reply to me. I've messed up big time. I really hope is isn't mad at me.

I try to engage her back in conversation a few times before I give up and return to my lunch.

I eat slowly, picking at each mouthful. I don't understand what I've done to earn this coldness. Is it because I ignored her? Does she not like Emmett? Does she want an answer to the party? I'm thinking way too much into this. Hopefully she would tell me when she is ready.

Her alarm goes off. It was a trick I had been taught on my first day. Set an alarm for when you needed to leave for lessons. It's definitely saved me a few times.

"I'll see you later." I say to her as she starts to walk away.

There is no response.

My final class for the day dragged slightly. It was usually one of my favourite subjects, but I couldn't focus on it today. I was resigning myself to the fact that I would have to go to the stupid party just to make up with her.

Unfortunately, when I got home, despite what I'd told her, I did not have anything suitable for a party. I'd have to settle for jeans and a smart top. Not idea, but I could make it work somehow. Really it didn't matter how you dressed, everyone saw the cane and then looked the other way. It wasn't like I was trying to pick up a lad, but it would be nice to get noticed once in a while. Like I used to before the accident. It was something that at the time I'd despised. As they say, you don't miss it till it's gone.

I added a thick belt, some random jewellery I'd been given for birthdays and even coloured my eyes a little. I had no idea if it was done correctly, I owned 1 mascara, 1 eyeliner, 1 blush and 1 lip gloss. That was the extend of my collection and even that was only because of Sue's insistence that I make an effort for graduation.

Turning away from the mirror with a sigh, I went to wait on the sofa. I'd heard Diana arrive home not long after I'd woken up but hadn't seen her. I really hoped she was out of her mood for tonight. Going somewhere I didn't want to go with a grumpy friend who is also ignoring me was not my idea of fun.

I didn't have to wait long for her, she came out looking fabulous in a small shiny dress and heels I knew I'd never be able to walk in.

"You look amazing," I say. "Are you ready to go?"

She just looks at me blankly.

"Is everything alright?" I ask her, worried that something might be wrong. My outfit wasn't that bad was it? It's nothing compared to hers, but I thought it would do.

"Umm," she is looking everywhere except me, "week you see, I didn't think you'd come. So I, umm, arranged to go with some other friends."

Oh, I didn't know how I felt about that. Relieved I didn't need to go? Pleased she was talking to me again? Disappointed she hadn't asked me first?

"Alright, don't worry about it." I know my attempt at cool aloofness was a fail, but at least I tried. "I've got some work to catch up on anyway. An early night would be good too."

Nothing I say seems to ease the stress form her face. If she didn't want to go that badly, why was she even going?

"Umm, I wanted to talk to you about your friend."

That wasn't what I had expected. "Sure, what's the problem."

"Well, I was wondering if you didn't mind if I kept my distance. He makes me very uncomfortable and it would be easier if, you know, he didn't come here."

"Alright," I say reluctantly, "he really is just a big softie though. I know he's massive, but he wouldn't hurt a fly." It is true. He may kill giant animals, but I've never heard of him hurting a fly.

"It's not that its just… Well it doesn't really matter. Just, ye…" She trails off. Maybe my suspicions from earlier were right. Maybe she does know they're vampires. She couldn't know what they were. Couldn't she? "I'm gonna go. Catch you later. Don't wait up."

And she's gone, leaving behind a heap of unanswered questions. To make it worse, I couldn't ask them to see if she had an answer.

**Thank you for reading, please review. Interest has gone down in the last few chapters, so I'd love to hear your thoughts. I promise the action starts to build really soon.**


	11. Chapter 11

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Emmett**

I crash down on the couch next to Alice.

“Emmett be careful. I don’t want to have to buy another couch yet.” Esme scolds from somewhere in the house.

“Sorry,” he mutters. “So, spill.”

“Spill what,” Alice snaps.

“Well, the clothes for one.” I gesture down her body. It is something I knew that others had noticed too. Jasper was incredibly worried but doesn’t want to upset her by mentioning it. So, I had decided to bite the bullet for the family.

“What’s wrong with my clothes?” Again, she is snapping. Can we not just have a normal conversation?

“Want the list or the cliff notes?” At her sharp glare I realise that my comedic questioning is no appreciated. I am better off just getting on with it. Damn, I’m no good at seriousness. “Fine. You wore them the other day.”

She looked down at herself, considering my words. Apparently, she hadn’t noticed. Weird!

“And they don’t really go very well. Even I dress better than that.”

“Jeez, well thanks for the comments.” She moves to stand up, hurt by what she clearly took as an insult.

“No, don’t go, just stay and talk for a bit. The others are all out so they can’t hear us. I wasn’t saying it to upset you. We are just worried about why it’s changed. We sort of miss the old Alice.”

I follow the expression on her face as it moves through irritation to resignation. She slumps back against the pillows.

Great, it’s going well, she didn’t run off. “So… What’s going on?”

She pauses for a few moments, torn between confessing to me or just giving me a lie. She knows me well enough to know I’ll notice the difference, so she sighs and says, “Does she hate me?”

Well that wasn’t what I expected her to say! Who hate her? I didn’t realise anyone was being nasty to Alice, surely even such a tiny vampire was able to stand up for herself. I’d seen her do it enough to get her own way. Was it someone in the family? Rose? Esme? Someone at school?

She answers my questioning face just as I come to the same conclusion, “Bella.” It is barely a whisper.

“What! Why would she hate you? I didn’t think you’d actually had a conversation with her.” I’m confused. Maybe I wasn’t the best person for this after all. Too late to back out now though.

“Exactly. I’m her best friend, she hasn’t tried to contact me and is avoiding me in school. I tried talking to her so many times in the hallway, but she runs away before I can even get a word out. Rose won’t give me her number, apparently, she doesn’t need the harassment in her home time too. Like I’d harass her.” I have to stifle giggles at that. My sister is incredible, but she doesn’t realise how overbearing she can be at times. “How am I meant to find out what’s wrong to fix it if she won’t talk to me. She makes no decisions in a day, runs purely on instinct by the seems of it. Other than a few flashes, I just can’t see her.” Her voice goes quiet. “I just want her back like you guys have.”

I had to stop and think about that for a moment. She had clearly misjudged the situation, big time. None of us had her back, she was nothing like the old Bella and unless she was at the end of her tether, she avoided us like the plague. I wasn’t sure the best way to respond. Again, I shouldn’t have tried to help this.

“We don’t have her back either Ali.”

She scoffs at me, “’Course you do. Going out with her at the weekend, she called Esme, met with Carlisle. Erugh, I don’t want to talk about this. And don’t call me Ali.”

“We really don’t.” I put my hand on her shoulder to stop her bolting. “Yes, she met with them briefly and she agreed to come with me this weekend, but it doesn’t mean we are friends again. You should see the look of terror hidden just beneath the surface whenever we speak to her.”

“I wouldn’t know, she won’t stay long enough for me to find out.”

“Maybe you’re scaring her,” I say hesitantly.

She looks at me horrified, “How could I be scaring her?!”

“Well, I don’t mean you exactly, but the idea of you. You used to be her best friend and you, I mean all of us, up and left without a word. Maybe she is scared to risk getting close again.”

I watch as she thinks through this information. Her face occasionally goes distant, showing me that she is checking the future for possible outcomes.

“Nope, I’ve tried the possible actions, but I can’t find a response that will go in our favour.”

“Are you seeing an actual response?”

“Well, no.” She mutters after skimming back through the choices. “I can’t see anything about her clearly. It’s like looking through a fogged-up mirror.”

“You’ve been told many times you rely too much on your visions, maybe this is your chance to practice doing it like a normal person,” I smirk. Really, it always bugged me the way she got through everything so easily due to her visions. I refuse to play games with her anymore, same with Edward.

Thinking of Edward, I started to wonder what was going on with him. I knew that Carlisle and Jasper had tried to get messages out to him since finding Bella, but nothing came back. Either he wasn’t getting them, or he was ignoring us. I was just glad I didn’t have to be around him. Could I ever forgive him for what he put Bella through?

I know that most of the rest of the family feels the same. Only Esme and Carlisle have any interest in ensuring his safety. Jasper had only helped because he hoped that locating him would mean we can avoid him.

“I just don’t understand why I can’t see her. What changed?” Oh no, she has that hurt, puppy dog expression on her face she has when she wants you to do something you desperately don’t want to do. “Would you talk to her?”

“I’m meeting up with her in a few hours, of course I am going to be talking with her.” Damn pixie, what planet is she on?

“I mean, can you ask her what I did wrong, or get her to talk to me, or bring her back for a while, or just anything.” There is was. Did I really want to get involved in the middle of this?

I made the mistake of looking at her face. Who could refuse such a pout, “I’ll see if it comes up.”

“Yay, thank you Emmett.” She throws her arms around my neck and then dances away. I’m beginning to wonder if she had seen this conversation in advance and I had been played the whole way. I wouldn’t put it past her.

Pulling out my phone, I send off a quick text.

_Will leave in 2 hours. Em_

Hopefully she wouldn’t cancel on me. I’d made all the arrangements just like I’d promised. She’d requested I pick her up at a pace a short way from the house. I didn’t understand it, but I’d respect it all the same. She said she wasn’t going to bring anyone as she would rather it just be the two of us.

* * *

“Hop in,” I say pulling up where I see her waiting. She was perched on the bus bench. “You all set?” I asked when she is buckled in. She just nods. Oh dear, I hope she is at least going to talk to me today.

“Rosie has gone to a car show,” I say brightly trying to break the ice. “Something or other with lots of cars.”

“You could have gone with her.” Bella murmurs.

Damn, said the wrong thing, she think’s I don’t want to be here with her. “Nope, I’m pleased to get out of it. I can tolerate it to a level, but Rose is too obsessed with cars for my liking. Not to mention the men swooning all over her. I always feel like a spare wheel.”

She giggles softly, “I can’t imagine you ever being anyone’s spare.”

“You haven’t seen her at these things. She is more than happy to walk into a group of burly men chatting up their fancy car specs. Damn, the way she looks them in the face and corrects all their facts is hot. She’s well known at these things. Don’t find many pretty lasses who know their way around an engine.”

“I can imagine her scaring the pants off a few of them.” Her tone was off, and I couldn’t work out why.

“Ye, well, don’t tell her I said this, she’d have my balls, she’s a big softie.” Bella glances at me, stunned. I worry I’m making her uncomfortable so change the subject quickly. “So, what have you been doing this fine morning?”

She pales at the sudden attention.

“Not much,” it is barely a whisper. “Had a bit of a lay in, caught up on some work, you know. The usual. I don’t have as long as you in the morning, some of us have to sleep.”

“Yup, humans have to do the sleeping thing. We prefer to fill our nights with much more meaningful activities,” I say wagging my eyebrows.

“Eww, don’t go there. I do not want to know.” She’s blushing furiously and I take that as a win. “How far away is this place?”

“Not much further, I could have got their quicker, but I know how much you hate the speed.” She flashes me a grateful smile.

We lapse into a slightly awkward silence.

I think about different ways I can bring the conversation back, but I know they won’t be well received. I don’t want to bring the family back up, that clearly made her too uncomfortable. I definably don’t want to talk about Edward. Maybe we could talk about school? That’s a safe topic, right?

“Umm, so, how’s school going?” I ask awkwardly.

There isn’t a reply, but she starts staring at her hands. This really isn’t going well.

It’s only a few minuets before we pull up at the lot. It’s fairly quiet. I come up with an idea which will hopefully help her relax. “Are you ready for a daring quest madame?”

She looks at me, confusion clear on her face. “I thought we were just going onthe paddle boats?”

“Ah, you do indeed know of our adventure,” I laugh. She finally catches onto my game with a smile. “Let us depart.”

We both clamber out and make our way to the ticket office.

“Mind your footing, you never know what could be hiding within the rocks. A deadly rock creature could be waiting to pummel you to death!”

She laughs lightly and I notice her shoulders relax ever so slightly. Well if this helped, I could keep it up forever.

We are assigned out boat, it’s yellow and a bit grubby, but it’ll do. I climb into the boat and then offer my hand to help her. “Careful of the water, don’t want the sea horses to catch you.”

“There aren’t any sea horses in the lake Emmett,” she laughs shaking her head.

“Not normal sea horses no, but these ones are massive, they wait until humans touch the water and then they snatch them and hide them away forever.” I move my hands mysteriously in front of my face, adding to the illusion. “I’d rather not have to explain why you’ve gone missing to everyone.”

She’s finally settled into the boat. Initially she had tried to pedal with me, “I fear you are insulting my manly honour,” I joke. She didn’t need to know that I was worried about her pedalling and really, I was more than capable. Thankfully she understands my hint and sits back.

Part of me wonders how fast I can make this plastic contraption go. Maybe Jazz and I would need to come back at night and test it out. Would the mechanisms give out from the speed of our legs?

“Who do you think would win in a race? Me or Jazz in one of these things?”

Her hand goes to her lip and fiddles with it gently in consideration. “I don’t know. I don’t suggest testing it out either, you’ll likely get rather wet.”

“I suppose, we wouldn’t want to scare off the merpeople,” I say deadly seriously.

From the look on her face, I know that I was successful. She believed me.

“Well, what did you expect? You’ve already met vampires and shapeshifters. Surely, you’ve heard about true werewolves or children of the moon too. What makes you think that other creatures are myths too?”

Her face is pale, her mouth open slightly in disbelieve. “There are more?”

“Well duh. Myths are usually founded in legends. I bet I can point some out before we get home.” I flash her a big grin, so she knows I am only joking.

“Cool,” she’s got a massive smile on her face. “In all serious though, are there others?”

“Carlisle thinks so, but we haven’t met any.” I drop my voice to a low whisper, “If we are subtle, maybe we’ll meet some today.”

I dodge her hand flying around to hit me.

“Can you see over there?” I point to a darker part of the water. Her face drops slightly, woops, I shouldn’t have mentioned that. “It’s probably too deep for your human eyes anyway, but there is an Undine.” I make sure my tone is joking, “It’s a water spirit. They have no soul until they marry a human man and bare him a child. So, you’re safe, but best not bring any of your male friends here.”

“You’re male Emmett,” she quips.

“I said human male. Duh Bells. I do need to be careful of the vampire squid which feeds off the blood of male crotches.”

“You used to be human and you are still built like a human. I think we need to be more worried about your safety here than mine.”

She’s right! Maybe I am at risk. I stop pedalling and turn to her wondering how she could be so smart when I see the laugher on her face. She is messing with me just like I was messing with her. Damn she’s good.

“At least I won’t become a mermaid,” I snip back at her. “All you’d need to do is fall into the wrong part and boof, never get to walk on the shore again.”

“Best avoid that bit then, as you said, don’t want to have to explain my disappearance. Are you susceptible to the croak of torture?”

“Not heard of that one, maybe we should test it out?”

She shakes her head quickly, “I can’t go near the torture toad. Their croak could kill me.”

“That’s true, we could have some fun with squid ink though. I heard it makes you flash rainbow colours for a few hours after ingesting it. Up for it?”

“Sure, you find a squid in here and I will happily drink it’s ink.” She’s caught me there! There are definitely no squids in this lake.

“I dare not go in the water, might get caught by a lantern fish. You know, follow them down into the deep depths and get eaten by whatever they serve.”

She laughs at me again, “You really don’t know your aquatic species by location, do you? Best avoid the clownfish too, I don’t think you want to spend eternity with clown make up on.”

We carried on our banter for a while. I was pleased to see that the longer we were out here the more relaxed she became. We had a while left, so when the conversation tapered so a close, I let it.

I kept the boat moving at a slow and smooth pace, letting her enjoy the feeling and fresh air.

It’s a while later when she breaks the relaxed silence.

“You’d tell me before you left, again wouldn’t you?” Her voice is so small and scared. I hate the way we treated her and desperately wished I could turn back the clock.

“Even wild horses couldn’t drag me away; I know the family feels the same. If we ever did have to leave, I’d make sure we gave you a forwarding address though. We won’t leave you again unless you ask us to.”

She leans over and surprises me by wrapping her small arms around my torso. “I really want you all back, I’m just so scared.”

“None of us can apologise enough for what happened and I certainly won’t ask you to forgive my behaviour, but I’d like to try and make it up to you.” I hesitate, should I mention my conversation from earlier? I had to; I’d promised. “Alice is desperate to talk to you.”

Bella pulls back and folds in on herself slightly. “I don’t know, she just has so much energy. I don’t think I could keep up with her anymore.”

So that is what it’s about. We all know how over the top Alice can be and how she often disregards other people opinions in favour of what she knows.

“There’s no pressure, just think about it.” She nods once and I change the subject. “Have you heard of the Jellyfish curse? You know the one that turns your blood to jam?”

**Thank you for reading, please comment to let me know what you thought.**

**If you haven't already, do check out my new fic "Back Alleys". Due to popular demand I will be extending it past a one shot.**


	12. Chapter 12

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Bella**

"So, you're sure there is nothing to add to the list?" Diana asked me for the fourth time that morning as we sit down on the bus.

"Yes, I am sure. I even triple checked the kitchen." She is going to the store after her classes today. "You checked the cleaning supplies, then got me to check you got everything needed listed. We checked that website online for common items forgotten. Relax!"

It's now the middle of October, two weeks after the party incident and trip out with Emmett. It had taken a few days for Diana to start relaxing around me again, and lots of reassurances that the Cullen's wouldn't show up on the doorstep, but she had finally managed to. We had settled back into our comfortable routine, mostly.

"Well, you aren't always the best for memory," she says awkwardly. "We don't want to miss this opportunity!" Her parents were visiting for a few days and had offered to pay for a grocery shop and to provide transportation.

"It's all on there, just tick it along as you go." I try to reassure her. For some reason, she had been overly on edge since her parents arrived.

It was strange, they seemed like nice people from her description. She never brought them to the flat when I was there though. Either met them elsewhere or waited until I left. I was a bit put out, but then would I want her meeting Charlie and Jake? All the embarrassing stories would likely come out.

"Right, and you won't be back till gone 6?" She asked me again awkwardly.

"Well, my appointment is 4:30 and the letter said it lasts an hour. Add on hospital waiting time and travel, about then."

"Promise to phone me if anything changes?"

I nod and pat my pocket. "Relax, everything will be fine. Did you finish your art piece for today's submission?"

She had been struggling to focus on the needed abstract piece needed. She'd drawn lots of basic sketches, but any time it came to developing them she became stuck. I'd come in many times to her coursework on the floor and a new sketch pad in hand, working on something I wasn't allowed to see.

I'd come to respect her requirements about this book, however strange it was. She is perfectly happy for me to look through any of her college work, and it is incredible work too. Detailed, realistic works seemed to leap out of the page. Her use of pencils, both graphite and colored, is incredible. She is good with other mediums too, but there isn't quite the same life or energy. Her private sketch pad though is off limits.

"I have something to hand in." She mumbled, suddenly becoming very interested in something out of the window.

"That means you cobbled it together this morning without much attention right." I take the lack of response and confirmation and smile. "You are incredible, I'm sure it will be fine."

"I guess, I just don't like working in the abstract. I know the theory; you need to make the viewer think and take their own conclusions, but that just feels wrong. Art should convey a specific meaning and idea, just like the written word does. It should take them on a journey and inform them of something important. It needs to be relatable."

"I understand, you know I feel the same about books and poetry. I just don't click with it in the same way." The bus pulled to a stop and we both stood to leave. "So, what did you decide on in the end?"

Her face twisted up into a grimace, "I'd say a cabbage leaf."

"Come on," I say slapping her arm gently, "What did you do?"

"Well, it is meant to be a depiction of social media and how it could affect our lives in the future, but it's sort of complex to explain. It compares the actual fact someone sees, to the way the internet shares that fact and then how our brain depicts the second-hand information."

I smile, knowing that she must have put more effort and thought into it than she is letting on. Something I had learnt about Diana is that, just like me, she hates to be the centre of attention and hates praise even more. "Sounds great. You'll have to let me know how it goes."

Just as we are reaching the front doors, two huge hands cover my eyes.

"Guess who."

Really, who else would it be? "Hello Emmett," I say unamused.

"Leave her alone," a melodic voice scolds. "Hello Bella, how are you?"

It's Rosalie. Since meeting back up with them, she'd been nice to me, but I still didn't know where I stood. It was a bit awkward. "I'm good."

"I'm glad to hear that."

We lapse into an uncomfortable silence which Emmett, smirking, was oblivious to. "I have to go, we were just…" I turn to see that Diana has disappeared. "Where'd she go?"

"She's walking down there," Emmett helpfully comments pointing down a hallway. "Moving with some far speed too. I ain't that scary am I Rosie?"

"It's not you," I answer quickly, "She doesn't really like people, don't take it personally. I've got to go, bye."

I'm so busy hurrying away, that I miss the look they share.

Obviously, I'm unable to catch up with her, so I'm thankful when she stops just before the corner. Panting slightly from the effort of my brisk hobble, I put my hand on the wall to steady myself.

"You didn't need to run off like that, I had no idea where you'd gone."

She shrugs slightly, "I just don't want to be around people like that. See you tonight." She walks off before I have chance to question her meaning.

"Bye then," I say to no one.

Slowly, having fatigued myself in the chase, I make may way to my first class of the day; Composition.

I always enjoy these lessons. Today the session is three hours long, which is far longer than I am able to concentrate for, but the teacher is amazing. Gary is an older man with the energy of a toddler, the wisdom of a grandpa and the looks of a young man. It's incredible!

As usual, the session starts with each of us sharing some of our work we had been developing. The criticisms are always fair, constructive and useful. The focus at the moment was fiction. We are developing short stories or novelettes in our choice of genre. Between us we had a mixture. Some were predictable, like Adam doing horror and Alex doing a comedy, but most had chosen to push themselves and try something new. I am working on a suspense romance.

I wish I had chosen something that I knew before, Gary makes us work for every single word. We have to ensure that every word conveys the correct message, in the correct tone and the right sound. He questions everything! Why have you chosen for the character to react that way? What would happen if you change shocked to agitated? How many other ways could you say this, and have you chosen the right method?

It's hard work, especially with your mind elsewhere.

Finally, the interrogation is over and we set to work building our stories. Today we are focusing specifically on editing our drafts. A skill that I was becoming more proficient in thankfully. In Gary's mind, we had to cut at least ten percent from our first draft in order for it to be a success. Which means, I need to find at least 4,000 unnecessary words to cut.

I don't manage to complete the task, but by the end of the session I have managed to reduce a third of my work. I'd had a long discussion with Gary over the language in a specific sentence which had been illuminating.

Stopping by the coffee shop, I brought a hot chocolate to warm me up. I wonder briefly if I am starting to come down with something. I'd getting progressively cooler all morning, to the point I was now starting to shiver slightly.

I contemplated bunking off class for the rest of the day, but it didn't feel right. I wasn't actually ill, yet. Besides, it wasn't worth curling up in bed only to have to drag myself back out again later.

Cradling the cup carefully in my hand, I inhaled the sweet smell. It reminded me of bonfires at the beach with Jake. I missed them. The phone calls had tapered off more now, and I was looking forward to seeing them for Thanksgiving. They had been getting annoyed with my short, evasive answers. I knew they thought I was hiding something to do with how well I am coping here. I'd had to talk them out of visiting multiple times. Not only could they not afford it but if they came here, they would find out about the Cullen's. That was a definite no.

That got me thinking about the Cullen's. How do I feel? I'm loving having them back in my life, but it feels strange. Alice is avoiding me, though I'm not sure why. Maybe she's waiting for me to contact her? It just never feels like the right time. Now is definitely not the right time, not if I am getting sick, she's just far too energetic. Though, from what I had seen she has lost her previous spark.

Mentally I filed that fact for later.

Sighing, I realised that I would need to move soon in order to get to class on time. It's only business, so it shouldn't be too taxing, just listening to a teacher ramble on about something or other for an hour. I can catch it on my audio tape and focus on it properly later.

Having decided on a plan of action, I finally heave myself up and drag myself to class.

Rachael is talking about marketing. It's an interesting subject, but I only managed to focus for twenty minuets before my mind started to switch off. By the end of the hour I am surprised I don't have to scrape it off the floor with the amount it melted.

Walking out to the bus stop, I check my phone briefly. There aren't any messages, not that I had expected any.

The bus doesn't take long to arrive, but I am feeling so rough that it feels like it takes forever. I must remember to wrap up warm before I leave later.

When I get home, I load my laptop up. There is only an hour or so before I need to leave, but I'm hoping to get at least a small amount of work done. Sitting with another hot drink and some Tylenol, I get to work.

I shouldn't have bothered. All I managed to achieve was my name at the top of the page. Damn cold is getting worse too; I'd had to get the tissue box when my nose started running. With one final disheartened look at the computer I close it and start preparing to leave.

Packing my bag, ensuing I have spare meds and a snack, I set off. I haven't been to this hospital in person before, only spoken to the staff on the phone, so I am ensuring I have enough time to find my way around.

The bus journey was fairly quick, with only one change along the way, so I was incredibly grateful. The Tylenol hadn't worked like I hoped it would and my headache is started to get worse. Luckily the driver recognized me. I'd forgotten to tell him which stop I wanted so he had asked after I paid, so I was able to get off at the right place.

So, here I am, trying to navigate the hospitals many hallways. The map the receptionist had provided is next to useless. Resigning myself to the fact that finding the neurology department alone would be impossible, I walked onto the nearest ward.

"Excuse me, I'm lost, do you think you could help me please?" I asked the first person I met, a lovely young nurse.

She was very helpful. She took me directly to the correct place, never once complaining about my pace, and showed me where to sign in.

"Isabella Swan," I said to the man behind the desk.

He types on a computer for a short while and then replied, "There have been some delays. You will need to wait." Could he be any shorter with me?

"Do you know how long please? So, I can let my friend know."

"No," he snapped gesturing for me to move out of the way for the next person. Frustrated, I do so. I'm not in the mood for dealing with people today or sitting for whoever knows how long waiting for an appointment on rock hard chairs.

Grumbling to myself as I do so, I sit down and pull out the snack I'd brought with me. I had no appetite, but I hadn't eaten anything solid since breakfast.

I'd barely opened the packet when a voice echoed through the room, "No eating, can't you read the sign." Part of me really wants to snap back at him that I can't in fact read the sign, but I know it won't do me any good so I simply put it in my bag and pull out my earphones.

Wuthering heights was the only book currently available on my phone, the others were on my phone due to the limited memory, but it was one I could happily listen to anywhere. Leaving one earphone out, so as not to miss them calling me, I relaxed and listened.

Half an hour after my appointment had been scheduled, I had gone to the desk to ask if they knew how long the delay was. The grumpy man was still there and unable to give any helpful information.

_Appointment delayed, not sure how long. Be back when I can. B_

I had sent off to Diana so she wouldn't worry.

Another half an hour later I was starting to worry. I slipped out of the waiting room briefly, having told the desk I was popping to the loo, and at the snack. My cold is getting worse and the lack of energy isn't helping.

Almost two hours after my appointment had been due, I was finally called in.

"Miss Swan," a female voice said.

I stand up and raise my hand slightly, hoping she will realize that amongst the small crowd of people I can't identify her. I'm glad that she has read my file and knows that I will need the extra help.

She walks to within a few feet of me and says, "Are you alright to follow me?"

I nod to her and we make our way down one of the winding hallways.

The room is smells sterile. There is a cold hard bed in the center which I am directed to sit on. I answer the general questions, giving them an approximate update on how everything is going and provide them with my seizure diary. I'd written down most of them, sometimes they are so short and insignificant that I don't bother even though I know I should. I just don't want everyone freaking out and trying to make me leave.

"Everything is in order, we are going to go ahead with the EEG now. I see from your notes you have had one before, is that right?" I nod. "Great, let's get started."

An EEG is not a pleasant experience at the best of times, let alone when sick. The painstaking precision application of electrodes being glued to my head is followed by a tight cap which is always itchy and uncomfortable. I try not to think about having them removed later on.

The test lasts around half an hour, during which time I try to relax and remain as still as possible. Not moving is hard, especially when my throat starts to tickle. The worst part is the flashing lights. Just like last time it makes me throw up.

Fighting back tears, I wipe my mouth as the technician starts to remove the electrodes. They remove most of the glue and I know that I will be able to get the rest out in the shower.

"Thank you. You've got an appointment arranged for the results?"

"Yes," I mutter weakly, trying not to jostle my stomach.

"Alright then, when you are ready, you're free to leave."

Mumbling my thanks, I make my way back to the waiting area. Sitting back on one of the hard chairs, I pull my phone out to let Diana know I will be leaving soon. To my despair, I realize that I had left the story playing and the battery is completely flat.

Approaching the desk hesitantly, I say, "Sorry, is there a phone I could use please?"

"No."

Why does he need to be so unhelpful, surely somewhere in this hospital there must be a phone I could use, but without help I am more likely to get lost than find one. Sighing, I start to walk out of the building.

I'm feeling incredibly rough, all I want right now is my bed and possibly some soup.

The exit is easier to find than the ward. The bright red exit signs help me find the way. I've left by a different door, so I am slightly disorientated when I get out, but somehow, I manage to make it to the bus stop.

It's dark now, without my phone I don't know what the time is so I had to hope that there would be another bus coming.

A long while later, someone sits next to me. "There isn't another bus tonight." It's Carlisle, he must have been working tonight. "Would you like a ride?"

Overwhelmed with the day's events, I nod and he offers me his arm.

"Let's get you home."

**Please comment to let me know your thoughts:)**


	13. Chapter 13

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Carlisle**

I knew as soon as I saw her that something wasn't right. She was hunched over, shivering and I could see how disheveled she was. Surely she wasn't waiting for the bus, it's a well known issue that the busses stop passing the hospital much earlier than the run throughout the rest of town.

I approach her, deliberately making noise on my approach so as not to startle her. She doesn't react as I carefully lower myself onto the bench next to her.

"There isn't another bus tonight," I say gently. From behind I'd been unable to see her face. It worries me. She's pale but her cheeks are flushed red and radiating heat. Her eyes are glassy and unfocused.

I wonder if she heard me, she doesn't reply at any rate. I want to ask her why she is here, to know why she would need a hospital and be released in such a state, but it isn't the right time.

She finally registers my words. Her head turns slowly to look in my direction, but her eyes are unseeing.

"Would you like a ride?"

Again, it takes her a long time to respond, clearly thinking and processing challenging her. I wait patiently. Thankfully I was only coming in to sort out some paperwork, so I wasn't needed anywhere.

I watch as she processes my words. Finally, she gives me a stiff, slow nod.

She's completely worn out; I can see the way her body is starting to sag towards me. I offer her my arm and help her to stand on shaking legs. The movement causes her face to tinge green briefly, but she takes a deep breath, and it settles.

"Let's get you home."

The car isn't far away as I had pulled over in the hashed area when I saw her. At this point, I'm the only thing keeping her upright. She's swaying and moving with less coordination than she usually has.

Why is she alone? She shouldn't be out alone in this state, it isn't safe. I smile briefly as I remember the way Edward always said she is a magnet for trouble, then catch myself. Edward. Now is not the time to be thinking about my son.

I think back through the conversations I've had with the family, none of them had mentioned Bella being ill or that she was due at the hospital. Maybe they forgot to mention it, not thinking it to be a big deal, I'd have to ask them later.

That brought my thoughts to my eldest daughter, Rosalie. Never had I seen her take such an interest in medicine before. Sure, during her medical training we'd had plenty of discussions and debates over various aspects, it was interesting for both of us. She'd always been focused on the same area, the treatment of abuse.

We all knew why this interested her, though to mention the reasons would be foolish. Between her work in the shelters and past experiences, it's understandable that she would want to be knowledgeable on the subject.

This was different though. While I may act like I haven't noticed, the missing books in my collection is obvious. It is also obvious that all of the books missing relate to Bella's conditions. The entire family is welcome to borrow the books, but they usually ask, so I'd respected her privacy and kept the knowledge to myself.

I look over at Bella who is now starting to relax under the car's warm air. She and Rosalie could be good friends, if Rosalie would only stop pretending to hate her.

The journey is short and silent. I'd noticed her temperature steadily rising, but not yet to a level which causes alarm. From the sniffling and cough that has recently developed, it's clear she's only got a cold which has been exacerbated by tiredness.

As I pull up beside her house, I can hear the people inside.

"She's not answering!" a frantic voice is saying amidst dial tones. I realize that Bella's phone must have died.

"The battery must be flat, stop being so stressed, she'll be fine." This voice is older and shares some of the same characteristics as the younger person, they must be related.

"You just don't get it mom; she should be back by now – "

The older person cuts her off. "Oh, I don't do I not. I know you, the way you've always treated perfectly respectable people differently because of some crazed notion of supernatural and magic and hocus pocus. I thought you were past this by now. You are no longer a child Diana, get your head out of the clouds and back in the real world."

I'm speechless, what does this girl, Diana, know? Does she know what we are? I remember Bella's request to give the house space after her housemate's behavior started becoming unusual. We'd of course respected it, but none of us had thought much of it, humans are often wary of us. For her to suspect what we are though, regardless of if she's believed, could be dangerous.

"There's a car here sweetie," the older voice says as I see a withered face poke through the drapes. A smile radiates, "It's her."

A younger face looks through too, this one looking ferocious. "Stay here," she snarls, turning away from the window.

"How dare you speak to your mother that way."

Bella has finally realized where we are, and she is starting to move. I put a finger to my lip subtly. She stills.

Inside, I can hear movement. "Get our of the way mom."

"No. Does Bella know that man?"

"Yes," she's getting frustrated.

"Do you have reason to fear for her safety?"

Yes."

"A legitimate reason?" There is no reply from Diana. "Then I will not allow you to hound him. Do not drag that poor girl into your psychotic episodes. If this continues, I will be pulling you out of this school and bringing you home. Do you understand?"

"Yes," her voice has a dangerous undertone, it's clear she is unhappy about something. "Now, I want to ensure my friend is okay, if that is alright with you."

"There's been an argument," I quietly explain to Bella, "Please let me deal with it, just get yourself to bed and don't worry."

Her lack of argument confirms what I already know, she's feeling incredibly ill.

At that moment, her door is ripped open by a ferocious girl. Her voice is sinister, "What did you do to her?"

Before I have changes to reply, the mother pushes her daughter away from the car and gives her a sharp look. Returning to me, she says, "I apologize for my daughter's rudeness, I assure you that it is nothing you have done." She's warm and friendly, reminding me of Esme. "The poor dear looks under the weather. I've hardly seen her this visit, Diana has kept me so busy, I did not realize she was sick. Do you know where she has been? We have been incredibly worried about her this evening."

So, Diana was hiding Bella from her mother. Was that our fault? She's had a hard-enough time as it is, we shouldn't be making it more challenging.

"I found her at the hospital, that's all I know." I exit the car and walk around, ensuring I keep my distance from Diana. "Sorry, Diana wasn't it, would you mind taking Bella inside. She shouldn't be out in the cold any longer tonight."

Bella is slowly untangling herself from the seatbelt and trying to clamber out. As she pulls herself out of the chair, her feet slide from beneath her and she falls into me. Diana's eyes narrow in on my contact, so as soon as Bella has her footing, I release her. We all watch has she sways on her feet.

"My name is Francesca, but everyone calls me Franky," the lady introduces herself. "Diana was about to take a walk and I'd much appreciate it if you could help Bella inside, my body isn't what it used to be."

Diana held a staring match with her mother for a moment before turning sharply and walking down the street. "Do come in dear."

I practically carry Bella into the house and place her gently on the couch while the lady bustles around in the kitchen.

"I'm going to go; you call if you need anything. Understand?" It takes her another long while to process my words.

"Promise," she replies in a raspy voice.

"I'll see you soon." I wrap the blanket around her shoulders and place a hand on her cheek. "Make sure you take it easy."

Walking out of the room, I glance over at her briefly knowing full well she won't rest, it isn't in her nature. Sighing, I continue on to the kitchen and the bustling lady who appears to be cooking soup.

"I shall be taking my leave now," I say to her.

"Please, don't think you have to go, my daughter can learn to be civil."

I stop her with my hand. "Please, no need to explain. I need to be going anyway; I was on my way into work when I saw her." I lie, needing to leave before Diana comes home.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize. I do hope you aren't too late, Mr…"

"Doctor Cullen, but please, just call me Carlisle." I offer her a warm simile. "Thank you for taking care of Bella, Goodnight." I wish it were safe for me to stay, but it just isn't safe. Bella is perfectly safe here and will be looked after.

"Of course, are you okay to let yourself out? I don't want this to burn." She gestures to the pan of soup gently bubbling on the stove. I nod and make my way out of the house.

Reaching the car, I consider my options. I need to talk to the family about this new development, but I don't think I can face the possibility of having to leave Bella again. I briefly consider going back to the hospital and checking her medical records to find out why she had been in, but that is a clear invasion of her privacy, one that I will not be doing.

I pull away from the house, eager to avoid the girl until I have chance to speak to the family. Speaking to them, that's my only option. Resignedly, I make my way home.

"Family meeting," I call as I walk through the door.

Everyone rushes to congregate in the dining room, thankfully no one is out.

"What's up doc?" Emmett asks, his serious face contradictory of his joking tone.

I wait until everyone is seated around the large table. "We have a problem with Diana, she knows."

"What do you mean she knows?" Rosalie asks skeptically. "What were you doing at Bella's, you said you were going to work."

I launch into the explanations of the evening events telling them about finding Bella at the hospital, overhearing the conversations with Diana and her mother and the interesting conversation we had.

Everyone is silent, contemplating my words. We all know that the right thing to do would be to leave. We always leave before we can be exposed, it's part of our life. From the looks on their faces, I also know that no one plans to leave.

"We aren't going anywhere," surprisingly Jasper is the first to speak. "We can manage this girl," at my sharp look he adds, "I don't mean kill her, but we are more than capable of managing her. From what you've said, she already has a record of psychosis. If anything happens, we can exploit that."

The others are nodding their agreement.

"We aren't leaving, but we all need to be incredibly careful." I pause, unsure if now is a good time to discuss this. "We need to find Edward."

The room is filled with growls of protest. I share a glance with Esme, I know that she'll be the only one to support me in this.

"That arsehole can stay where he is. There is no option of him returning here, regardless of our situation. This conversation is over." Rosalie snarls leaving the table, closely followed by the others.

"I miss him, Carlisle," Esme says softly. I wrap my arms around her, hoping to offer some sort of reassurance.

"I need to speak to Rosalie," I tell her, pulling away. "We'll be back soon." She's waiting for me outside the door, clearly confused. "Let's run."

We're a good few miles from the house before I stop and sit on a boulder. I can tell from her expression that she is exacerbated at having to wait but out of respect isn't interrupting me.

"You're allowed to care for her."

She makes a distasteful face, brushing off my comment.

"You can continue to lie to yourself if it makes you feel better, but I don't think it is. I think you are desperate to have her as your sister. I think you are finding it incredibly difficult to watch her in pain. Most of all, I think you want to make a change."

I watch as she considers my words.

"You're wrong," she says without determination.

"I won't say anything to the others. This is something you need to decide for yourself. You need to decide if you want to continue living this life of dishonesty. You're allowed to let yourself feel." I stand and turn to leave. "Think about it."

Just as I break through the clearing, I hear her soft voice. "I promise I'll try."

**Please review**


	14. Chapter 14

**I do not own Twilight.**

I have added a chapter between this and the previous as I got the chapters mixed up in my plans. Apologies for any confusions. (New chapter is the previous chapter, chapter 13)

**Rosalie**

Why humans felt the need to fidget so much I didn't know, but it was getting incredibly annoying. I'd spent the last week desperately trying to keep my word to Carlisle, but when I had asked Bella to meet me, I hadn't expected it to be this difficult. I knew after this last awkward week that I needed to do something, but really, how hard could it be to talk to a human. I needed to pull myself together soon, the long silence was incredibly awkward, and I didn't want to keep her out in the cold.

I had prepared a speech before coming here. It was essentially a list of reasons as to why I aced the way I did in Forks. I had excused all of my own behavior by justifying it in some way. I'd convinced myself that it was all true.

Now that I am here, however, I'm not sure. Could I really place the blame on this broken girl?

"I'm sorry," I say awkwardly.

Bella heard me and snapped her head around to stare at me open mouthed. "What on Earth do you have to be sorry for?"

Really, could she not simply accept my apology and move on? Is she dragging this out purposefully to embarrass me?

Reluctantly, I continue, "We left you Bella, it wrecked your life. You should be holding us responsible for our actions, not treating us like, well like this. How you are even speaking to us I don't know. You should hate us." Yes, hate all of us, not just me, we all did things wrong. I wouldn't apologize for their actions though, they could do that for themselves.

Bella didn't say anything. Was she waiting for me to continue? Did she want me to apologize further?

I was becoming frustrated with her lack of response. Just as I opened my mouth to continue, she cut me off.

"There's nothing to apologize for Rosalie."

Is she being serious? She is really just going to bush off something so difficult, how selfish. Would I have to literally beg her forgiveness?

"I treated you terribly while we were in Forks and you didn't deserve it. I feel wretched about how my actions may have influenced Edward's decisions." Her fidgeting stopped abruptly at his name, thank goodness. "It wasn't until we left that I realized how much life you had brought to my family and in return we did this." I gestured at her.

"I actually wanted to thank you," Bella said confusing me. Why would she want to thank me? "You never once lied to me, you never lulled me into a false sense of security, you were clear about the danger and tried to push me away to keep me and your family safe."

Is she utterly crazy! My mother would have scorned my attitude and behavior towards her. How dare she see me as a better person than I am.

"I'll accept your apology, but I don't know if I am ready for forgiveness yet, please just put it behind us."

What did that mean? Did she want to go back to being like we were in Forks? I hoped not, I don't think Emmett would tolerate my contempt towards her now.

"I would like the opportunity to start again if you are agreeable."

"Sure."

We lapsed into another silence, thankfully this time it was much less awkward. I didn't know what to do, I'd had enough of being around this girl now, she really is incredibly boring, but I had promised to make an effort.

It was several long minutes before Bella finally spoke, "Why did you help me?"

Well that was unexpected. Again, could she not just thank me and move on? Did she really need an explanation? I certainly wouldn't be giving her the real reasons, but how far did I want to go with the lies. I could easily brush it off completely and say I did it only for Emmett. It wouldn't be far from the truth, but it didn't feel right. I was trying to make amends with the girl.

"Emmett nearly exposed us, last thing we needed was to have everyone crawling around us. Besides, I could help so I did. Should I have not?" Yes, that worked. It showed enough indifference that she wouldn't think I did it out of fear.

"No, I didn't mean that. I-I meant to thank you for your help. I just, I don't know what to do." Her voice was off, it sounded almost lost. Was she expecting me to be a councilor? I didn't even know what she was rambling on about. Still, for Emmett.

"You don't need to know. Let life happen, maybe it will steer you in the way you expected, maybe it won't. Just don't try to force yourself down a specific path because you think it's what is right." They were words I had read somewhere, maybe they would help. I still don't agree with her being a part of our life, but I would tolerate it to save my family.

She nodded slightly, what she got from that I don't know, but at least I helped a bit.

"May I ask how you are doing?" I asked hesitantly. I knew this can be a touchy subject for her and I didn't want her to shut down.

Bella smiled tightly, "You can ask…" She trails off, not offering anymore. Why did she have to be so difficult? Could she not see the effort everyone was putting in trying to help her?

However, her lack of response told me everything I needed to know. No matter how strong an external mask she was keeping, underneath she was struggling to cope. I knew that she wouldn't accept help, and I wouldn't be offering it if I didn't have to.

I purposefully changed the subject, "Esme has invited you over. She misses you." Bella pondered this for a while, had I upset her? Humans could be so sensitive. "Please do not feel you need to visit; I am simply extending the invitation on her request."

"No, I do want to go, I'm just… I don't know, scared I guess."

Now what?! I didn't know the best way to approach this, decide for her or leave her to think about it? Thankfully I didn't need to do anything as Bella stood up and nodded to me.

"Let's go."

The journey to our place was incredibly quiet. Neither of us spoke and it was becoming increasingly awkward. Finally, we reached the garage and I pulled in amidst the other cars.

Emmett, hopeful that Bella would visit, had spent hours clearing a path from the small garage up to the house. I'd told him not to bother, he could just run with her, but now I was the one accompanying her I was incredibly grateful. I didn't want to be any closer to her than I had to. Part of me knew I was fooling myself.

I got out of the car and snatched the Jeep keys from behind a coded wall safe. "It's off road," I answered Bella's questioning face. "We need to take the Jeep."

She didn't question it further, but I could still see her confusion as she climbed inside. I didn't offer her any further explanation; Emmett could share that story I justified. Her hands were clumsy as she tried to make sense of the buckles and straps. Internally I battled myself. I didn't want to help her, to become more involved with this human, but I also didn't like seeing her struggle. I didn't have to intervene as she finally managed to clip them all in place.

The ride wasn't smooth, though I hadn't made much effort to ease the bumps in the road. As we drove, I noticed her anxiety rising. Her fingers had gone into her mouth and she was chewing on her nails. I forced myself not to show my displeasure at the disgusting human habit.

"It's just a house," I said hoping that the reassurance would stop her behavior.

"How far off are we?"

Remembering that she wouldn't be able to see the house clearly, I replied "Not far, a few minutes."

Everyone would have known Bella was with me, they'd have been able to sense her, but thankfully they didn't come rushing out.

I parked up the car and asked, "Ready?"

Bella looked up at me, terror on her face. Jokingly, I said, "They won't eat you." I heard a booming Emmett laugh from inside and Bella smiled.

With a nod, she unclipped the many buckles and opened the door.

It took us a long time to make it into the house, not because she was slow, she had needed time to prepare herself.

Just inside the door, Esme was waiting for us.

Bella's face lightened as Esme wrapped her arms around her. "Thank you for coming," she said.

I doubted Bella was able to reply even if she wanted to. "I'll be going, see you around," I said walking away to give her some space.

"Rosalie," I stopped and turned back to her, "thank you."

I nodded to her. "You're welcome."

Over the next hour, I listened to Bella move around the house and interact with the family. Her responses still felt forced and I had hoped that she would become more relaxed with time, for the families sake.

The stiffest conversation had been with Alice. Bella had gone out of her way to try and talk to her and Alice had acted like a deer in the headlights. She barely spoke to her and rushed out of the room as soon as possible.

When Bella was safely in the kitchen with Carlisle and Esme, I approached her.

"What gives?" Alice just stared at me blankly. "Were you lying about wanting her back this past year or now that she is back have you changed your mind?" My tone is harsher than it needs to be, but I make no effort to soften it.

"I-I don't know what you mean," Alice stuttered.

"You know full well what I mean. Why are you acting so strange?"

Alice doesn't reply, she stares at me with a blank expression.

"Either tell me or get your head out of your ass and get on with it." If I could apologize to the human, Alice could at least be normal, or as normal as Alice ever gets.

"She's so different." It was barely a whisper.

"Yes, and we did this to her. Whether you like it or not Alice, we are responsible for this, you can't just dump her because you don't like the outcome. Either get used to it or keep out of the way."

I walk off leaving her stunned.

Reaching the front room, I saw Bella standing alone. Her hand was resting gently on one of the windows. I moved closer, trying to work out what she was doing. Why would one look out of a window when there is nothing to see? Standing next to her, I had a clear view of her face, I couldn't place her expression.

"Bella?" She hadn't been paying attention so jumped clean off the floor at my sudden appearance. It wasn't my fault, really, she needed to be more alert. "What are you looking at?"

She blinked and a tear I hadn't noticed started to slide down her cheek. She hastily scrubbed it away. "Nothing, it doesn't matter."

Esme walked in at that moment carrying a bowl of what I thought was soup, whatever it was, it smelt disgusting. "What's the matter dear?" She asks kindly.

Bella flashed me a begging look. What was she expecting me to do? It had only been a few hours, had I really convinced her of my sincerity already? Esme placed the bowl down and moved towards us, placing a hand on the girls' shoulder. I saw the way she bit on her lip in agitation and threw up my mental barriers immediately. I would not allow her to get under my skin.

I stared back at her impatiently and gestured with my eyebrows for her to answer the question.

Her face resigned and looked to the floor. "I was just wondering when you'd last heard from E-Edward." She spoke with an incredibly timid voice which shook on the last words.

The entire house froze.

As Esme and I were staring at each other trying to work out what to say, Carlisle appeared.

"We haven't," he said grimly.

I thought back to the conversation not long ago where we had discussed what to do about his absence. Carlisle and Esme were understandably worried about him, but the rest of us couldn't extend him the same courtesy. We had made it very clear that if we never saw him again it would be too soon.

"What do you mean?" Bella asked confused.

The rest of the family had started to trickle in. I moved over to Emmett, glad for the excuse to distance myself from the girl. Alice, Jasper and Emmett had murderous looks on their face. Esme just looked upset.

"We haven't heard from him since we met back with you," Carlisle explained softly.

Bella looked horrified. Really, why did Bella care? After everything that idiot had done, why would she give a damn about his location, unless she is trying to avoid him? I couldn't help thinking that I'd had a lucky break when he showed no interest in me. I'd have probably killed the boy by now.

"Have you, you know, tried to contact him?" She said nervously, only now realizing the audience.

"Don't worry about that dear," Esme tried to sooth. I agreed with her, Bella shouldn't worry about him.

"Ye, he won't be coming anywhere near here," Emmet piped up. I slapped him around the back of the head and Carlisle sent him a disapproving glare. "What?"

We ignored him.

"He is a part of your family, you shouldn't lose him because of me. I can leave, it's not a problem. I'll work something out." Bella rambled.

"You can't leave!" Alice exclaimed surprising us all. Bella stared at the direction of her voice.

"She's right," Jasper spoke this time, "you have more right to be here than him. Family doesn't lie to family."

Carlisle and Esme were starting to look uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was taking. "We have attempted to contact him," Carlisle explained, "but have not received any response. I'm sorry we have no more to be able to tell you, but it is not an exchange game. You are both equally as important to this family."

I didn't know how I felt about that comment, I still didn't fully see Bella as a member of out family and I doubted I ever would, but Edward definitely isn't part of it anymore.

"Do you think he is alright? I mean surely he wouldn't have gone this long with nothing unless something was wrong." I didn't know if she knew about his rebellious years, as he liked to call them, but something in her tone made me wonder. I'd had enough of this conversation now, what did she care?

Unfortunately, Carlisle seemed to be contemplating her words.

I looked around at my siblings who all shared my opinion, it didn't mater if he was alright so long as he was a long way away from us.

"I don't know," Carlisle's voice was broken. His missing son must have been bothering more than any of us had realized. From Esme's face, she felt the same.

Bella hadn't missed the tone, "What are the options?" She asks resolutely. "Surely you are going to do something to find him?"

"No, he's better off where he is after everything he has done," I say sharply. "Leave him in his hole."

Carlisle ignored me, "I don't it would be safe for him here right now."

Bella turned away from Esme and towards us. "I won't justify his actions, no one can do that but him, and I sure as hell don't want to see him again, but he shouldn't be off killing humans just to abolish his guilt. I thought you cared about humanity."

She was right, and I knew the others saw it too. I hated it, but I couldn't ignore the fact that the chances of him being off killing was highly likely.

"We've tried to contact him," Esme said, I assume trying to ease her own guilt. "Carlisle can't leave the hospital yet, and well I'm sure you understand that mates cannot be alone." Her excuses were feeble, and I could see Bella felt the same.

I thought through the options. It wasn't realistic for Carlisle or Esme to leave right now, not so soon after work. Jasper wouldn't go anywhere without Alice, and I knew that Alice needed the chance to put things right with Bella. That only left…

"We'll go."

"We will?" Emmett gapped at me.

"Yes, we will. She's right, we need to make sure his sorry ass isn't risking our coven."

He nodded his agreement but didn't look pleased. I don't know who in the family looked most shocked by my decision.

Everything seems to pass in a blur after that. Esme had taken Bella home fairly soon, clearly trying to keep her clear of the events as much as she could. Carlisle had prepared a series of maps which highlighted places the family had property or where Edward was likely to have visited. Jasper had pulled up Edward's phone tracking and marked it on, though this was many months old so we didn't think it would be useful. Alice helped too, though her sparse visions were even less useful than the phone tracking.

Emmett and I had packed a few essential items into backpacks. When he had tried to question me, I'd simply shaken my head and told him later. If Bella was able to put aside everything and do what was right, I could be honest with him. I couldn't pretend to despise her anymore. I still didn't see her as a sister, yet, but I'd be honest, with him at least.

Finally, we were leaving on what I hoped would be a short errand.

 **Please review :)** (Before everyone asks. No, Edward will not be appearing for a while yet. No, he won't be let off the hook easily. Yes, something exciting is coming.)


	15. Chapter 15

**I do not own Twilight.**

To: Carlisle Cullen

From: Rosalie Cullen

Date: 09th Oct 2006

Hey,

You won't believe it, but we've actually managed to check all of the North American homes in just over a week. Emmett is on a mission to be home by thanksgiving. Thankfully I'm not human so don't suffer from blisters, but he's not even wanting to stop at night. The idea of finding Edward is definitely not growing on him. Not that I blame him, do you really want him home?

The Denali's say hi. They said he was with them for a short while, but they haven't seen in him months. Apparently, he didn't look great. They managed to get him to feed but other than that they said he was a loose cannon. No red eyes though, which I suppose is a good thing.

Bumped into some nomads, they haven't seen him but said they'd let us know if they do. Peter and Charlotte asked us to pass on a hello to Jasper and Alice. They knew of Victoria and apparently were unsurprised that Edward couldn't catch him. She has a talent for evasion. They asked if they could stop by soon, didn't know how to answer without mentioning Bella as you said, so they might be in contact soon. Peter seemed to know something was off though.

We haven't seen any evidence that Edward has spent any time at these houses. Let Esme know that all the houses are alright, no major issues she needs to be worried about, but the Denver house might need more work than usual. Seems it has become a hang out for the homeless.

We haven't been to Forks. I know you said to check it out, but the wolves were scouting the entire area and we didn't want to start a battle outnumbered. I doubt they are prepared to just ignore everything that happened with Bella. Emmett was all for trying to take them, but I convinced him we shouldn't. We can always go back at the end.

How is everything your end?

Rosalie

* * *

**Alice**

"I'm going to do it," I tell Jasper randomly one day.

He looks up from the deer he had been draining with utter confusion. "What are you going to do?"

"I am going to talk to Bella."

Jasper smiles at me with a nod and returns to his meal. We'd had this conversation many times since my sort of discussion with Rosalie. Unsurprisingly, I haven't yet spoken to her.

"I mean it, I'm really going to do it this time," I say determined.

"That's great news, do you know what you're going to say?" he teases.

The correct answer here would be no, I have no idea what I am going to say, but I can't stand that smug look. "Of course, I know what to say." I tell him as I wrap my arms around his shoulders and plant a kiss on his lips. "But, say that I didn't, any suggestions?"

"How about starting with hi?"

"Be helpful," I scowl. At his slightly laugh I turn to walk away from him.

"Wait up." He grasps my arms gently and turns me back around. "I'm sorry." He plants another gentle kiss to my mouth. "I just don't think this is something you can plan out in advance. I know you are struggling without knowing the outcome, but until you pick up the phone and speak to her, she doesn't have the opportunity to make a decision. This is up to you."

He's right, I know he's right, I just can't stand going in blind. "What do I do first though? I have to get it perfect; everything could rest on getting this just right. What if – " He cut me off.

"Stop over thinking this. You're worrying about nothing. Out of everything in the world, the last thing you should be worried about is a conversation with Bella. Have you not seen the size of her heart? If she got run over by a car, she'd turn around and apologise to them." He catches my gaze which I had been averting. "It's just Bella."

I look down, unable to cope with his understanding face any longer. It is just Bella. I shouldn't be scared of a simple conversation with Bella. "It's not Bella though," I whisper. "She's changed. She's just so broken, and it's all our fault. I was her friend and I just abandoned her. What sort of friend does that?"

"You didn't have a choice, none of us did."

"Because of Edward's lies. That makes it worse, how could I have believed his message so easily. I should have known her better than that. I should have known to ask the story from her."

I couldn't help feeling responsible for this mess. Why did I stop watching them so closely? I know the reasons I gave myself at the time, privacy, no risk, better things to do, but they were all unfounded. If I had been watching more closely, if I'd checked the outcome of us leaving more closely, if I'd, if I'd…

Jasper breaks through my thoughts. "You are not responsible. I'll say it over and over until you accept it. Everyone made their own choices; we cannot change the past and contemplating what ifs doesn't' help anyone."

I look nervously up at his face, I know he is right, it's just so hard to accept. "I know, I just hate that this is our fault."

"Yes, it is _our_ fault, the family's fault. The blame does not lie entirely with you." He smirks, "So, what are you going to do first?"

"I need to call her?" His face isn't impressed by my questioning response. "I'm going to call her." This time it is a statement.

"Great." He smiles at me waiting. "You're going to need a phone to call her."

"Oh, yeh." I dig out my cell phone and stare blankly at the scene. "What do I say to her? I don't know her at all anymore. I don't know what she likes."

"Don't act any differently, she's still Bella. What would you have done with her before?"

I smile, knowing exactly what we would have done but also knowing that Bella hates it. "Shopping. I can invite her shopping." Even as I say it, I know that there isn't any energy behind my words. "How can I just act like nothing has changed?"

"She is still Bella. You need to realise that although some things have changed, she is still the same person. All you need to do is dial and say hey."

I hesitate staring at the screen, trying to think of any plausible reason why I shouldn't do this, but at a nudge from Jasper I dial.

First ring, I'm nervous.

Second ring, should I hang up?

Third ring, I'm going to hang… She answered.

 _"Hello?"_ She sounds normal, like Bella.

"Hey, Bella? It's Alice."

 _"Yes, your name comes up. What's up?"_ Her voice seems excited, but is that because I called or from something else?

I need to reply. I'm blank, I hadn't worked out what to say after this point. I glance at Jasper and manage to splurge, "Wanttogoshopping?"

Jasper is laughing at my inability to speak; it's a rare occurrence and he's clearly enjoying himself. I stick the end of my tongue out at him and turn my back. He can go to hell.

_"Sorry, I didn't catch that."_

"I know, I was asking if you wanted to go shopping with me. Maybe next week?"

_"Oh, I, Umm, I'm not sure."_

I freeze. I knew it, she hates me. She doesn't want to see me.

"Relax, find out why before you go jumping to conclusions," Jasper whispers to me.

I nod to him, that's a good idea. I need words to be able to ask. How can the entirety of the English language be evading me?

Just as I am about to open my mouth and reply, Bella, having clearly sensed my stress, speaks. "Alright, I suppose I could manage a short trip. Nothing too fancy though and I'm paying for myself."

So, she doesn't hate me? I'm so confused.

"We don't have to; I mean if you're busy or something."

 _"No, no. How's next Thursday afternoon? I'll meet you on campus."_ Oh yes, the Diana issue, how had I forgotten about that.

"I can do Thursday." It's ten days away, but she actually wants to meet me. To Jaspers great amusement, I start bouncing in my seat. "Oh you'll love it, there's this amazing new shop you'll love. They've got a great selection of jackets in and they'll be just perfect for you. Ooo, and we could go to the shoe…" she interrupts my rambling.

_"I'm sorry I can't stay and chat now, I need to get this work done before tomorrow. I finish class at 1:30, so I'll meet you in the parking lot any time after that."_

"Oh, yes, sorry. I'll see you soon. Bye Bella." I hang up the phone. Eeeeee!

"Alright, enough with the screaming," Jasper laughs. "She is going with you, you've got a plan, calm down."

Is he joking, calm down? This is the most exciting day ever. There's so much to plan, so many shops, so many things I've seen that she needs to try on.

"Alice, you need to calm down for a moment." I glare at him in confusion. "I know you're excited and probably planning. You need to remember that she's different now. She won't be able to keep up with your usual speed, not that any human could."

Again, he's right. In my excitement I'd completely forgotten the previous worries. I need to keep a check on myself. I will not do anything to jeopardise this chance.

Jasper, as always, recognises my distress and fixes it. "I need another deer before we go, want to join me?"

Still angry with myself for having gotten carried away, I grudgingly follow him.

It's Thursday morning and I shouldn't be this nervous.

Over the last week, I'd made an effort to talk to Bella, though I would rather forget the first time. It was so awkward that I'd practically run from her. Every move she made, even the way she looked at me, had been a constant reminder of my failings. I hadn't given up though, Jasper has insisted that I just needed to spend more time with her.

Of course, I couldn't always approach her, especially when around her housemate. That would have been asking for trouble. No, instead I caught her in the line for drinks or at the bus stop, where she adamantly refused help getting home.

Her stubbornness, one thing that hadn't changed; it made it easier in some ways.

But, before I meet her, I need to talk to Carlisle. I'm terrified that something will happen, and I won't know what to do or make it worse. So, here I am standing in front of his office door, building my courage to knock. Only Esme is in the house so it's perfect timing.

Hesitating for another second, I finally raise my fish and wrap on the door.

"Come in," Carlisle chuckles from the other side. It's unsurprising, out of everyone in the house, I don't think I ever knock on doors, instead checking the future and walking in. Maybe I should change that, it's kinda rude.

I hesitantly step in and scowl at his amused expression. "If you're going to laugh, I can just leave."

"No, don't leave, I was simply amused that you didn't even knock that first day you moved in. I still think fondly on that day." He puts his book down and sits up straighter. "How can I help? I'm guessing this is about Bella."

"Yeah, I just… what if something happens? What do I do?" My words are rushed.

Carlisle gestures to the chair behind his desk and smiles to me. "Don't worry, it's unlikely anything will happen."

"But, say it does, then what?"

"Well, the best advice is to give her space. Don't try to hold her down or do anything to her, she'll come around in her own time. There isn't anything you can do in that moment. If she gets hurt, or it lasts longer than five minutes, then call an ambulance for help, but from what she told me, she hasn't needed an ambulance before."

I twiddle my thumbs in my lap, a human habit I'd picked up long ago when nervous. "Could she die?"

"She could. Sudden death from epilepsy does happen, though it is usually only when they do not have their condition controlled. Which I'll stress, Bella does." He pauses. "You could ask her about it."

I stare at him blankly. Ask her about this? Surely, he's gone mad.

"You can, most people would rather educate others than be judged. Not that you are judging her." He hurriedly adds on the end. "It's part of her life, just like when she first came into our world and had buckets of questions about us."

"Maybe, it doesn't seem like something anyone would want to talk about though, maybe I shouldn't."

"That's just stigma. You don't have to ask her, but she can explain it in a way I never could. I've been considering talking to her myself."

"Forever the scientist Carlisle," I joke.

He looks abashed, "Indeed, old habits die hard. Just make sure you take it easy. If you want to go crazy shopping, I'm sure someone else will go with you. Try to stick to only a few shops and sit down lots."

"I know, I am going to get this right. I'd better leave soon else I'll be late."

"You've got two hours; you aren't going to be late." He laughs as I dance out the room, ignoring his comment.

Now that I have the facts, I am starting to feel more confident. I can do this. I know I can.

It doesn't take as long as I thought it would have done to get to campus. Sure I know how long the route takes, but I had to get ready and make sure everything was perfect. The downside of arriving so early is the wait.

Waiting has never been one of my stronger traits, something that annoys Jasper no end. Maybe I could call him and get him to come wait with me, I know he would if I asked. No, that isn't right, he is in class. Instead, I dig out my cell phone and start looking at the map of the mall.

I've been there so many times, I could walk it blindfolded, but I haven't ever paid attention to human necessities. So, I take mental notes of every food area and bathroom, adding it to my vague knowledge of benches.

When I've finished that, which unfortunately only takes me half an hour, I start making a plan of shops. Usually I'd go in all the high-end fashion shops, or what they think are high end, but this is about Bella, I want to make her happy. I look up the bookstores and then freeze. Does she still read? Since returning I can't recall her reading anything.

Reading had always been her passion, had our negligence ripped something that precious from her? Then I remember the ear buds she is frequently wearing and the soft words we'd heard from them. She listens to her books instead.

Well, there aren't any talking bookstores, so I'll just have to think of another idea!

By the time Bella arrives, I have a complete plan of what to do and I can barely hold in the excitement. "Let's go!" My joy pops instantly at her sullen face. "What's wrong?"

"I don't really want to talk about it, can we just go?"

She's sagging in the chair and closing her eyes. I'm worried that she doesn't look good. I don't want to push her if it isn't safe. "Are you sure you want to go? I can take you home if you aren't feeling well."

"No, I want to go out and do something. I really don't want to go back home." Ah, so something must have happened at home, I wonder if it is something to do with Diana.

"Alright," I say as I pull out of the parking lot with a smile she doesn't return.

As we drive, her breathing starts to even out. I know she isn't asleep, but it's nice to see her relaxed for a change. In that moment I decide to change my plans. She doesn't need to be dragged around shops, what she needs is some relaxation.

Turning down a different road to planned, I pull up beside building I've known about for a long time, but not yet visited.

"We're here," I say smiling. Her face is a blanket of confusion. "I thought we could do something else; I hope you don't mind. We're at Solei."

"Actually, this is great," she seems enthusiastic. "but I can't afford this place."

Is she joking? Surely, she doesn't think I'd bring her to one of the most expensive spas in the area and expect her to pay. I laugh at her and say, "Come on, Carlisle can treat us." She looks like she is trying to find an excuse. "No arguing."

Thankfully she doesn't, instead she mutters a quick thanks and climbs out of the car with me. Inside, I tell Bella to get herself something from the small café while I book in.

The receptionist is incredibly helpful and, with a generous tip, manages to clear some sessions for us. Really, is there anything that humans won't do for money?

"So, what do you fancy?" I say sitting down next to her and rattling off the list of options.

"A head massage sounds great, maybe get my nails done." I had purposefully not told her any prices.

"Perfect!" I bounce back to the lady at the desk and book in for the appointments. As neither of us had come prepared, I also purchased some towels and a swimsuit each.

This is so exciting, why hadn't I thought of this sooner. We can relax and talk and I don't have to worry about her getting tired or anything, it's so amazing!

Dancing back to Bella, who had just been delivered what appeared to be a hot chocolate, I blabber on about nothing in particular. I tell her about my classes, what it's like living here, the stupid things that Emmett has gotten in trouble for recently.

Eventually she finishes drinking and I drag her to the changing rooms.

"Where are we?" she asks as I close the door behind us.

"Changing rooms silly. Here, get changed." I throw her the bag of items and it crashes to the floor. Damn! Why did I do that? Way to mess up. "Sorry, I didn't mean, I just, umm…"

"No worries," Bella says laughing lightly, "You really shouldn't expect such a cults to be able to catch things though." She bends down to pick up the bag. "What's in here anyway?"

"Nothing much, just a costume and towel. Sorry, I hadn't planned on coming here so I didn't think to get you to bring your own. I guessed your side; I hope you don't mind." I ramble, trying to salvage the light-hearted atmosphere.

"Oh," she says and bites her lip in the way she always does when nervous.

"Is something wrong?" What had I done this time?!

"No, it's not that, I just… it doesn't matter."

"I'd still like to know if something is wrong," I say as gently as I can.

"You've just been so uncomfortable around me and it's going well; I don't want to wreck it."

So, she had noticed my discomfort. Why had I ever doubted it? She is one of the most perspective people I've ever met. "I'm sorry," I whisper. I know it's feeble, but what else could I say?

"No, you don't need to be sorry. I've gotten used to it. Everyone is uncomfortable around things that are different, you aren't alone in avoiding." She takes a deep breath and lets it out quickly. "I'll tell you, but can you please tell me what has been bothering you too? I won't be offended; I just want you back."

There's an undertone to her voice that I don't recognise. My dead heart sores that she wants me still, but will she still want me after I tell her? I shake myself; I have to tell her, it isn't negotiable. We can't build a friendship based on lies.

"Well, this really isn't a big thing for me, I've spent enough time in the ocean with the pack to not care anymore. I just have a lot of scars and I don't want them to upset you…" she trails off, her voice weak.

Is that all? That isn't a big deal, how bad can a few scars be. I think back to the information Carlisle had told us about her surgeries. How much scaring is there from surgery, a few inches maybe? I don't know, I've not spent enough time around humans, and I can't say I've every paid attention.

Then I remember that no matter how good or bad they are, they are the result of my family's treatment. They are our fault. If we hadn't messed up, she wouldn't have them at all.

"Oh," I manage to force past my lips. It's lame. Come on Alice, say something intelligible"

Bella must have understood my struggle with language because she breaks the silence. "You blame yourself for what happened."

It's a statement, one she knows is true. "Yes," I whisper looking at the ground to avoid her understanding gaze.

"And you are holding yourself accountable for not having seen be jump."

Once again, I can only mutter, "Yes," as my eyes are starting to fill with venom.

"And you're worried I am going to hate you."

I snap my head up to look at her. The way she worded that makes it seem like she doesn't. How could she not?! My gaze pleads with her unseeing eyes to forgive me even though I don't deserve it.

"Well I don't hate you and none of this is your fault." The venom doesn't fall, it can't fall, but had I been human it would have. She doesn't hate me. she doesn't hold me responsible.

I fling my arms around her neck and hold her close, being careful not to crush her. "Thank you," I murmur in her ear.

She hugs me back. "I know it'll take time, but can you please try to put this behind you. I'm still Bella. And…" she hesitates. "I really miss my sister."

"You sound like Jasper," I joke sadly, pulling away from her.

"I must be saying something right then." She's smiling at me and it helps. With a deep unneeded breath, I nod to myself. I can do this. "Now," she says, "Ready to get pampered?"

 **Please review** \- I've added a note to my bio regarding updates in case anyone is interested.


	16. Chapter 16

**I do not own Twilight.**

To: Carlisle Cullen

From: Emmett Cullen

Date: 22nd Oct 2006

Hey!

So Rosie spent far too long typing last time so it's my turn!

We're nearly done checking the south houses. Nothing to report. No sign of Eddie boy. Gonna lose signal when we go further south.

Now, I have to ask, are you sure you want him back whole? I mean if we find him, he'd be so much easier to transport in pieces in the trunk. Just wanted to give you the option.

All good here.

Bye

Em

**Bella**

"Damn laptop!" I shout at it, resisting the urge to throw it across the room. "I'd actually got somewhere then, and you just had to crash on me."

"You know if you had less tabs open it wouldn't crash," Diana laughs lightly from the door. "These sorts of laptops aren't designed to have twenty plus web pages open plus your word processer and everything else. Oh, and where was that music coming from?"

My relationship with Diana has been rocky recently. Some days we would laugh and joke as though nothing had changed but other days, she'd give me the cold shoulder. I have to admit, I wish today was one of those days she ignored me.

I stare at the bright blue screen, desperately hoping that the work hadn't disappeared. The workload at school has been increasing drastically and I've been really struggling to keep up, not that I'll admit that to anyone. I just need to get to the break, and I can spend the week catching up. Hopefully.

Around me, I hear Diana move to sit down with me at the table. Part of me feels guilty that I have overtaken it with clutter when I have my own desk in my room. It is just so much easier to work away from where I have to try and sleep.

"You haven't eaten yet," Diana says hesitantly. "It's getting late, can I make you something?"

I know there is merit to her words. I really do need to eat something. In fact, when was the last time I ate? I think I missed lunch but I'm sure I had breakfast. Damn, these days are all merging into one!

Right now, though, the only think I need to think about is getting this assignment done before tomorrow.

"I can get something later on, when I'm finished."

Turning back to the computer, I can make out that the screen has now turned off. Thank goodness! That means it can be booted back up again. What a stupid waste of time this is. Doesn't it realise I have work to do?!

"No," Diana says forcefully closing the laptop lid, "I'll make you something now and then you can work. You're gonna get sick like this."

My face turns into a deep scowl at her words. How dare she tell me the truth I don't want to hear.

"Pull faces all you want, if you don't eat, I'll get Liz out here to make something."

I blank slightly at her words; would she really do that? Yes, she would, without a doubt.

"Fine," I mutter pushing the offending grey box away from me and following her to the kitchen.

"No, you sit, I'll make. What do you want?"

"Anything quick, I don't really care."

It was a comment I'd regret as, after half an hour of sitting, a plate of salad, veggies and rice is placed in front of me.

"This isn't quick," I complain, but lifting my fork to make a start.

"No, but it's good for you. I'm going to bed. Please finish it and go to bed at a sensible hour too. I know you've got work to do, but there is nothing wrong with asking for an extension."

With that she walks out the room, without saying goodnight. It isn't uncommon, but the abrupt departure confuses me slightly. I thought we were on good terms today.

Carlisle had given me the run down of what happened. How Diana had responded to him and practically accused him of harming me. It was a shock to us all, but me mostly. How did she know what they were? Did she know?

I put my cutlery down and start rubbing my temples where a headache is starting to blossom.

We'd agreed to act as though nothing had happened around Diana but that the Cullens would keep their distance as much as possible. I have a suspicion that they haven't told me everything they know. I did know that they were hoping Edward would be able to shine some light.

Shaking my head and refusing to let my mind go down that rabbit hole, I tidy away my dishes and go back to the laptop of doom.

I am supposed to be researching an event from the last twelve months and creating a newspaper report on it. The teacher was nice enough to let us choose them randomly from a hat instead of making us pick it ourselves.

The task is meant to be simple. Like most of the class, it's something I have done before in school, but it is proving incredibly challenging. Not being able to skim read the information websites was making it take longer. Not to mention that the information was incomprehensible at best.

I'd chosen a report into spinach being contaminated with E. coli. Not an especially interesting subject for me, I'd much rather research the life and death of an author, but I don't have a choice.

So, I've been trawling through online information into the outbreak, the bacteria itself and how the public is responding to it. The last part is much easier than the rest. My ability to comprehend medical information from text and videos enough to write about it factually is my downfall.

Part of me wonders if I should contact Carlisle – he would be able to help in no time. It just feels like cheating. This is an exercise in research.

The hours drag by. It's nearly four am when I finally give up on the work and drag myself to bed. I've managed to get something together. Something being a collection of words on a page that I'm not convinced make logical sense together.

It's pointless to even try sleeping though. I simply lay there staring at the ceiling.

Edward is still missing, doing goodness knows what. I really hope he isn't doing something he'll regret later. I don't think I could stand being responsible for him killing and feeling guilty for the rest of his life.

My other worry, which I haven't told anyone, is that he could have moved on. I'm still not sure I want to go back to a romantic relationship with him, or if I even want to see him at all for that matter. Just the idea of him being happy with someone else…

No, I won't think like that.

I do need to be ready to see him though. At some point he is going to come back here. I am going to see him. I'm going to have to face the lies and the hurt. Do I have enough strength to do that?

Enough thinking of these things, I need to sleep.

Mentally I try to train my thoughts onto safer topics, like counting sheep.

Counting sheep is such a strange concept. How it is meant to help you sleep, I don't know. I don't even know anyone it has worked for in the past.

One by one, they trot through my mental image.

It's as I reach fifty that my mind starts to wander again.

If Edward comes back and finds something dangerous in Diana's mind, will they leave?

I know the drill well enough that they have to remain inconspicuous. That means leaving at the drop of a hat whenever there is suspicion.

Where would that leave me?

Panicked, I throw myself out of bed and stumble blindly across the room. Unsurprisingly, I fall to the floor with a loud thump.

I bite my tongue, desperately trying not to cry out at the pain in my side. While my injuries have mostly healed, landing on them so hard is never good and always painful.

Tears start to form in my eyes, both from the physical and emotional pain, and I forcefully blink them back.

The noise doesn't seem to have woken my housemate, so for that I am thankful. The last thing I need on top of everything else is her worrying about me.

I try to remember why I launched out of bed, what I was trying to get. Then I remember. I was going to call Esme. To beg her reassurance that she won't leave me. To ensure none of them will leave me.

Doing that would be wrong though. I can't ask them to endanger themselves for my sake. That isn't fair to them!

No matter how selfish I want to be, I can't risk my family. Maybe there's a chance they would stay in touch?

I spend the next hour unmoving. It's only when my alarm starts buzzing that I drag myself painfully up from the floor.

Switching it off quickly, I make a start on my morning routine. I get dressed slowly, trying not to wince with every movement. Not once do I look down to see the damage I've undoubtedly done to myself, I don't need to see that. I do however check my face in the mirror while I'm brushing my teeth.

Unfortunately, but not really a surprise, there is the start of a bruise blossoming on my cheek. Poking it with my finger, I also realise it's going to be a bad one.

Damn it! Everyone will be all over me for this. I'll have to explain what happened and some-how get around the fact that I fell. Why can't life be easy just this once?

Using the small amount of foundation, I keep for emergencies, I blot it onto my face to cover the offending mark. While it might work for humans, I've got to hope that my eagle-eyed vampire family will keep their distance until it fades.

I pack everything away, leaving the bathroom clean and tidy for when Diana wakes up. She has the blessing of being able to get ready at a reasonable speed in the morning, so is unlikely to wake for some time yet.

Putting a slice of bread in the toaster, I boot the laptop back up with a sigh. Maybe, by some sheer miracle, I'll be able to make this presentable before I need to leave.

It's sometime later that a plate is stuck in front of my face. "It's all well and good cooking it, but you need to eat it too."

On the plate is, what appears to be, a fresh slice of buttered toast.

With a sheepish look and a quick thanks, I take the plate and start eating.

"I'm glad you went to bed," Diana says sitting across from me. She must have seen my confused face because she adds, "I got up to check on you, I was worried."

"You didn't need to do that, I'm capable of looking after myself."

"That's debatable. What happened to your face?" Damn, she'd noticed already. Today is really not my day! "If you're tryna hide it, I can help. You don't appear to be the best in the whole makeup department, not to mention you kinda missed the bruise."

At least that explains it. "Please," I say.

I wolf down the toast, getting crumbs everywhere, and quickly send my work to print. I'm not happy with it. I still don't understand the material and that is very clear from the writing. I'm so behind with work at the moment, I just wish there was a way to catch up easily, so I don't have to do everything at the last minute.

Diana rushes off to get herself packed and ready while I start clearing away some of the clutter. She fixes my face, tutting to me as I explain what happened.

"You must be more careful." Don't I know it! But then, when have I ever been known as careful?

* * *

The rest of the week continues in a similar manner.

Diana tries many times to strike up a conversation. I really want to feel bad for ignoring her friendly attempts, especially considering how challenging the relationship has been recently, but I'm just too tired to participate.

I'm working through the night, desperately trying to get work completed and knowing that my attempts to sleep are futile.

I know I'm looking a mess. I know I'm risking my health. What more can I do though? If I tell people that I'm struggling, Charlie will rush in and drag me away. I will not prove his point that I cannot cope with school.

All through classes I'm nothing but a walking zombie. When asked upon, I answer questions, but the quality of answer is appalling, if I even manage to get it right.

There was an incredibly awkward moment when I was asked about something the teacher had just said and all I could do was stare at them blankly. In that moment I couldn't have even told them what day it was.

Diana in particular has started questioning me more and more. She has been hanging around me more. I try not to be annoyed by it, especially as she is only trying to help, but it's hard being treated like an invalid again. I don't need someone reminding me to eat, to take meds, to go to bed. I know that I do, but it shouldn't be happening.

Life is just hard at the moment.

It isn't helped by Charlies excessive phone calls. Really, why does he feel the need to make a long-distance phone call EVERY DAY? Surely, he has better things to do.

So far, I've managed to keep him in the dark about, well everything, but I can tell he is starting to get suspicious.

I can't decide if I'm desperate for, or dreading, going back for thanksgiving. On the one hand I'm really looking forward to the break. It'll be the perfect opportunity for me to catch up with work and most importantly sleep. I just know that he's going to be all over me if I don't start looking "normal" soon.

Maybe there's someway I can get out of going like Diana. Say I've got meetings that I need to attend? Additional lectures? No, there's no point trying. I know from the way Charlie is talking about it that if I don't go to him, he'll be coming to me. I shudder, Charlie coming here would not be a good idea!

With any luck, Edward will return while I'm away and I never have to confront him. Wouldn't that be a blessing?

Ah well, just a few weeks left to battle through.

Why can't everyone back off for the next few weeks? Just let me get on with everything.

I'd thankfully managed to avoid Carlisle and Esme completely, being too busy to visit them. Rosalie and Emmett are obviously away so they aren't a problem. But Alice and Jasper, they are a massive problem. It's like they're following me. Every time I turn around, they're there scrutinising me.

I hate to admit it, but their banishment from my house is incredibly helpful. So long as I avoid public areas on breaks and come home quickly after lessons finish, they aren't able to question me.

**Please review**


	17. Chapter 17

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Bella**

"You're late," the teacher snipped as I inched the door open.

"I know, I'm sorry I…" I trail off, face flushing bright red.

"Sit. Now, as I was saying…"

I stumble into the classroom and manage to crash into my seat. As quietly as I can, I pull out my books.

It had been a difficult morning. Exhaustion, which I am adamantly refusing to admit, is causing my body to go in slow motion. Not only is it taking forever but it's not responding to what I tell it to do correctly.

My inability to sleep meant that over the weekend I'd managed to catch up on a lot of work. Everything due for this week is done and printed ready to hand in. Thank goodness!

I just need to survive the lessons and hope I don't get given too much more work to do.

The lesson passes quickly, though my notes are non-existent. About halfway through I'd given up even trying to get something down. Hopefully I'll have enough time to go through the recording before next week.

"Collect last weeks work on the way out. Bella, a word please."

Looking up from my bad, I gulp. What have I done?

After finishing packing away my stuff, I walk up to the desk, trying to keep the fear off of my face.

I have to stand and wait because she isn't finished packing up the lesson. The waiting is not helping my stress levels.

Realizing she is going to be a while, I perch on one of the seats at the front and rub my temple where I can feel a headache starting to form. I really hope she will get on with this quickly, whatever it is she wants.

It can't be because I was late. If it were that she would have simply given me a talking to and let me on my way, not this had to be something more. As far as I am aware, I'm not failing – yet.

Maybe she'd noticed my lack of attention? That would be easy to clear up after showing her the recording.

I had started to fidget by the time she pulls up another chair and sit down. In her hand is a stack of papers.

"Sorry, I didn't expect to be so long, you don't have anywhere to be do you?"

I hesitate for a moment, this really doesn't sound good. "No, I've got time," I manage to stammer.

"Okay, well start off by taking a deep breath, you look as white as these papers."

Laughing slightly at being compared to paper instead of vampires, I let out a rush of air.

"I have last week's work here. Is something going on? This is nothing like what you would usually submit." She is trying to speak gently, but all I feel is an overwhelming feeling of defeat. "Ignoring the numerous errors, the entire work doesn't make any sense."

What do I say? I can hardly give the real reason; my ex-boyfriend may be off killing people. Neither can I brush it off as lack of effort, that wouldn't be right, besides I did try incredibly hard. No matter what I say she will find out that life is getting too much and I'm struggling to cope.

My brain is working hard to come up with some form of excuse, but it's coming up blank. I am definitely not known for being a good liar, she'll see through anything I try to say.

Feeling my cheeks heat up, I look down and mutter a quiet, "I'm sorry."

There isn't a reply for a long while. The longer I wait, the more my anxiety increases.

"Well, if you need to talk, you know we are all happy to listen. Admitting you need help isn't a sign of weakness. No one expects you to be indestructible. Promise me you'll think about it?" I nod at her, still looking down at the floor. "With regards to this work, I suggest you ditch this and start over. You can resubmit it next week."

"Thank you," my voice is defeated.

"You aren't alone, don't isolate yourself based on pure stubbornness."

Silently, I stand and leave the room deep in contemplation. Her words made me think about everything. My health, my family, my sort of not so family, school. Everything churned around in my brain faster than I could grab onto a tangible thought process.

The more I thought about my situation, the more I realized how much I'd overestimated my ability and I shouldn't have bothered trying. I'd made my decision that day to jump. By making that decision I was signing myself over to the consequences. It's my own fault, I shouldn't be complaining about the outcome.

Obviously, I can't continue like this. She'd told me I wasn't alone. She might be right, there are people I can ask for help, but there are again consequences of that. I can't even ask anyone's opinion, no matter who I ask will use it as evidence to drag me away from here.

My thoughts are torn. On the one hand I can't help thinking that maybe I should just give up trying. This obviously isn't my world. I should stop fooling myself into thinking I can somehow make it. I don't want to do that though. I've worked hard for this place, and I don't want to give up now. I also don't want to risk losing the Cullen's again.

Despite my determination to remain independent, they'd managed to work their way back into my life in such a way that I now can't imagine my life without them. It's exactly the position I didn't want to be in.

As the day progresses, I struggle more and more.

I can feel myself weaking with every minute and I'm on the verge of collapse. Complete physical, mental and emotional exhaustion. Logically I know this. I know that I need to stop. Something needs to change before anything bad happens.

I felt on a knife edge, precariously balanced between holding it together and having a complete breakdown.

Just after lunch, the Cullen's had tried to corner me. I knew from their words that they were worried but thankfully they must have got the message because they left me alone after that.

Somehow, I manage to survive my time on campus. Unwillingly, I'd had to ask some complete stranger to walk with me with to the bus stop because I couldn't orientate myself well enough through my brain fog. At this point, the only priority is to get home.

A massive sense of relief washes over me when I finally stagger through my bedroom door.

I lean back against it and allow myself to side down to the floor. I know it's a bad idea as the chances of me being able to get back up again are slim, but I don't care. Nothing matters right now. I'm here and I don't have to do anything.

My eyes, which had been becoming incredibly heavy, disobeyed my instructions to remain open and I feel my entire body slump into a fatigued mess.

* * *

I don't know how long I stayed there. I'd repeatedly cycled between consciousness and unconsciousness, my thoughts becoming more and more obscure as time went by. It is like being unattached from your body, looking down at yourself from above, an incredibly strange sensation.

At some point I'd distinctly heard my phone ringing, but despite my mental instructions to my body to move, I hadn't. Instead, I'd imagined myself answering the phone.

Starting to become aware of myself once again, I try to blink away the haze in my mind. It's as though someone has stuffed my brain with cotton wool or I'm trying to browse the web on a massively outdated computer.

As my awareness becomes clearer, the sensations from my body become clearer too. Experimentally, I bend my fingers inwards and stretch them out again.

The movement is much slower than usual, as though there is a delay between the message and response, but it happens. This small movement sparks the rest of my body into movement.

I push my arm away from myself onto the floor. It's like trying to move a lead weight. Heavy, labored, difficult. Pushing up from the ground, I heave myself up onto my knees with a massive grunt.

I pause, panting at the effort.

Determinately I resist the urge to drop back onto the floor in a heap.

Still breathing hard, I drag myself, one shuffle at a time, towards the bed.

I never knew something so simple could be so challenging. What had happened to me?

Reaching the bed, I drag myself up the side until I am half laying on it, half off.

Once again, I battle my eyes closing. This time failing miserably.

* * *

I'm waking up again, though this time I feel much more human. I won't pretend to be back to normal, my attempt at normal anyway, but at least I can move and think.

The most prominent thing on my mind right now is the angry beast growling in my stomach. The loud rumble is accompanied by a twisting sensation.

Swinging myself around slowly, so as not to cause head rush, I put my head in my hands and groan slightly. The small movement seems to have set off a ringing through my head.

With shaky limbs, I drag my bag closer and pull out my phone. I'd intended to check the time, but the large number of missed calls grabbed my attention first.

Damn it, they're from everyone. Charlie, Jake, Renee, Sue, even Carlisle.

It's only when I look at the time stamps that I realize why they would have been so worried. Six hours with no response, I'll be lucky if they aren't already on a plane over here!

As I start to absentmindedly scroll through the messages, my stomach roars again. Sighing, I send off a quick _I'm okay_ text to the first person on the list and hope they pass it on to everyone else.

Unfortunately, that had been an unrealistic wish. Seconds after clicking send, the device is buzzing in my hands.

With an exasperated sigh, I answer.

"Bella, are you okay? What's going on? Why aren't you answering? Has something happened? We've been so worried…"

Alice.

I can feel my temper rising, maybe if she'd stop rambling at a million miles per hour, I'd be able to answer one of her questions.

She must have heard the displeasure in my strangled grunt because she stopped talking very suddenly.

"Thank you, Alice," I snap. "I'm fine."

"Why weren't you answering?" I want to feel bad at her small hurt tone, but I'm too irritated.

Put on the spot, I scramble to try and come up with some sort of excuse or explanation. There may as well have been a monkey brain inside my head. The rage of emotions inside me is creating a barrier against my ability to reason. Deciding to just brush off her comment, I snarl at her, "It's none of your business. Leave me alone."

I don't know why my words are so harsh; Alice hasn't really done anything wrong, but even now, I don't apologize. The sooner she leaves me alone, the sooner I can get on with sorting myself out. I do not need anyone fussing and bothering me while I try and get on with life.

 _They just want to help_ a voice in the back of my head says. I laugh lightly, whether in my head or out loud I don't know, but it's a joke. Maybe they do care. There is always a possibility. You don't really _need_ them to care though. I'm more than capable on my own.

Then it occurs to me. They're trying to lull me into a false sense of security so they can find out everything that's been going wrong.

Everything is going wrong though, and I've already established that I'm a useless mess and don't have a way to get myself out of this awkward corner of life. Which would be the lesser evil; the Cullen's or everyone back in Forks?

In my mental raging, I'd completely missed that she'd started talking again. What she is now talking about, doesn't make sense without having know the previous information, but I can't exactly ask her to repeat herself without her working everything out.

I latch onto the only words that make sense. "Will you speak to Carlisle?"

"No!" I rage at her. "I won't speak to anyone, leave me the hell alone!"

Resisting the urge to throw it, I hang up the phone and place it on the bed next to me. I'm panting again, but this time in fury.

 _Anger is a good thing. It means you care about what happened enough to have an emotional response to it._ The words of the councillor from all those months ago rings through my head. This time though, she is wrong.

I don't care. I won't care.

What am I even meant to be caring about? How can I care about something that I am unable to identify?

This is so stupid!

I know I need to calm myself down. I need to get a hold of my emotions before something happens.

Taking a deep, but incredibly shaky breath, I grip the bed sheets. The desire to rip them to shreds, or throw them, or better still burn them and everything else in this room is at an all time high.

Instead of calming, I'm becoming more jittery.

The world is moving too fast. Thoughts, ideas, accusations rushing through my head faster than I am able to identify each one. Only key words stand out. Alice. Work. Bus. Failure. Charlie. Vampires. Werewolves. Edward.

My breaths are no longer in forced slowness, they're coming rapidly and not successfully trapping enough air to provide my body with oxygen. It's a feeling I'm all too familiar with.

Even though my determination to keep everyone away from me out of utter terror, I wish I'm not alone. I want someone, anyone, to fight against me and refuse to leave. They won't come though. No one is safe.

Am I being paranoid? Are my fears founded?

So many questions flick through my mind adding to the chaos.

Against my hand, I feel my phone vibrate. Instantly my panic mixes with a new wave of fury. Despite my desire to not be alone. Despite all logic telling me to act differently. Despite everything in me saying no. I snatch the phone up, accept the call and bellow, "I don't need you Carlisle, or Alice, or anyone else. GO AWAY!"

The line is silent.

Not even a breath on the other end, not that I'd expect one.

The lack of response starts to dissipate my emotions. I don't know if I'm just exhausted, or if I'm actually finally calming from being able to yell at someone, but I don't like the feeling. I want them back. I don't want to calm down. I don't want them to make everything better. I want to be allowed to feel what I want to feel.

Why can't they leave me alone!

After what felt like an eternity of my loud, gasping breaths, I hear a very small voice.

"It's not Carlisle."

No, that voice isn't the smooth tone of a vampire, it's the rough tone of a middle-aged cop. Charlie.

 **Please review.** So sorry for the delay, I've had a bad health crash and ran out of prewritten chapters. I'm not back to normal yet, so please do be patient.


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